The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Growing up in the land of corn and cows...that would be the state of Ohio...I don't think many young vampires would have described it as overly exciting. As a rural child one was hard pressed to find any sort of real entertainment...sure...sure...there were haylofts and rope swings and woods and plowed fields with dirt cods to hunt chickens and creeks, or as we called them...criks...one didn't attempt to float an amateur ill engineered ramshackle raft on a creek...the sinking happened on a crik...and when coupled with the occasional dog bite bee sting head laceration savaged by a swing set 2X12 wooden seat or a croquet mallet...it made for some pretty long boring summers...winters were only marginally better...swap haylofts for collapsing snow tunnel suffocation.

This is why it was so hard to listen to the Beach Boys when I was a young growing knob...every song every album was a tease...they made it seem like I was somehow missing out on all the magic of life.

In Ohio one wasn't going to go on a Surfin' Safari...I never saw a Little Deuce Coupe roaring down any road in my area and I sure as hell never witnessed anyone's granny behave like the one from Pasadena! If there was any I Get Around going on it must have been behind my back...Wouldn't It Be Nice to have a few California Girls...you bet it would have...Fun Fun Fun was pretty scarce no matter what anybody's daddy did and what boy didn't want his own Surfer Girl?! I mean...they're having Fun All Summer Long while I'm being shot out of a swing set by a madman with a pellet gun! Don't Worry Baby?! Good Vibrations?! Not on my little square of dirt.

They just had to rub your face in it...look at what you're missing...had to...song after song...album after album...year after year...bunch of soggy pricks...