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5 entries this month
Spudocious06:35 Sep 26 2010
Times Read: 831
Bored…bored…so fucking BORED! Saturday night with no one to bite…what a sad…sad…dreary state of affairs!
Why…it is simply not right…what else is there? I suppose I could read a novel or two…draw a fine picture…perhaps write a song? Yet…what is the point of any of those activities? Oh…one may mean something to someone? Please.
So…what? At this moment I have no more humiliating stories to tell…well…at least none that come directly to mind. I suppose I could blather on about my thoughts on a particular subject…but…then again…why? Oh…it may mean something to someone? Please.
What do we have but ourselves? What do you do when you are all alone? No no no…I am not speaking of masturbation…although…*ponders*…I am speaking of when all the entertainment is finished…when there is nothing to hold your attention…when that mind…that mind is all alone.
Are you happy with it? Can it entertain you without end? I have always thought mine could…until this very moment. What I need is to do something careless and stupid…yes…yes…that is it exactly. All my most fond memories came from doing something careless and stupid…but…what? *sighs*.
It is the mundane horse shit in life is the killer…that boring death march we all goose step to…I should have ventured out tonight and got pissed…roaring drunk…yeah…oh yeah…that is when the interesting happens. I see much clearer through alcohol…oh…I know…that sounds incorrect…but…it is true.
Maybe you could tell me a humiliating story? I would love that…no…no…that was just wishful thinking on my part.
God I am bored…maybe I can sit here and think up a pithy little title for this entry? I could use the old “Take A Line From The Entry And Make It The Title” trick…no….no…I could just title it “Bored”…but….no…that is much too uncreative and boring…this is really starting to feel like work…so…I will just name it…”Spudocious”…yeah…what the fuck…like it matters…I am going to save it in Word as “Spudocious”…then…two or more years from now…when I am going through my files because…again…I am bored…I will see “Spudocious” and think…*What the fuck is that?*…then I will open it and realize what boredom really is…then I will feel better…yes…yes…that is the perfect thing to do.
How bored am I you ask? I just took…”“Take a line from the entry and make it the title”…and made it…”“Take A Line From The Entry And Make It The Title”…please note the change to uppercase…that is how bad I do not wish to stop typing…that…is how bored I am.
Your Glass My Glass14:03 Sep 22 2010
Times Read: 859
See…when I look…I see my glass as half empty and that’s better than the glass you see that’s half full…I’ll tell you why…
…for my glass to be half empty…that means…at some point…it had to be a full glass…follow me? I got to drink half of my delicious life whatever…hence…now my glass is half empty. This logic is indisputable…but…let’s continue.
Now…you see your glass as half full…which means…said glass was never filled to the top…you did not get to drink half of your delicious life whatever…see…you got screwed! The Glass Gods never gave you a full glass…ever! For you to have…what I’ve had…why…you would have to see your glass as completely empty…which can only mean…that my half empty glass is better by half than yours! And that also means…all you can ever drink of that delicious life whatever is half a glass…but I…on the other hand…can drink a full glass of delicious life whatever before my glass becomes completely empty…unlike yours…that becomes completely empty after just half a glass! Man…did you take one on the chin! Having a half full glass sucks bad!
Let us recap…a half full glass was never a full glass…nor…could ever be a full glass because you see it as only half full…and if you drink half of your delicious life whatever…be left with an empty glass…whereas…my half empty glass…and by the use of the word “empty” signifying at one point a full glass…has already allowed me to drink half of my delicious life whatever and still be left with half a glass…which only means…I have/had half more delicious life whatever than you and always will!
*points to head*…My massive simian vampire intelligence has once again foiled accepted dogma!
Green Bean Casserole10:43 Sep 19 2010
Times Read: 898
I hate Green Bean Casserole…no…really…I hate it. It looks like something a cat would throw up…does it not? Jesus…who could put such a vile thing in their mouth? What could tempt such a thing? Hunger? Starvation? Could these make Green Bean Casserole look like a thick…juicy…steak? I think not!
And good Lord here comes the biggest Green Bean Casserole time of year! Thanksgiving and Christmas! That heinous concoction will be everywhere! On every table! I will not be able to walk into a room without seeing a glass dish of that most hellish entree’! God I hate it! Do not make it! Do you hear me? For the love of God do not make it!
Oh I hear you….oh yes I do…”Have you ever tried Green Bean Casserole Mr. Tu?”…and the answer to that most silly question is…NO! How? How could I eat something I could never bring to my mouth?! Jesus…I would start gagging just putting a tad on a utensil! Preposterous! It will never…ever…happen!
Where did this horrible dish come from? Was it a joke dish at a first Christmas? A first Thanksgiving? Did the Indians do it to the pilgrims? Huh? Did the fucking Indians do it?! Were the pilgrims starving and threw every rotting item they had into a dish and cook it? What possessed someone to make this crap?
I will pray every night from now till the holiday season is over…”Please oh Lord…maker of female breast flesh…smite down with heavenly force those that would maketh Green Bean Casserole…Amen”…then I will sleep like a newborn pup.
Please…I beg of you…please…no more.
Pulling Down A Woman's Panties12:28 Sep 06 2010
Times Read: 967
What is better than pulling down a woman’s panties? Especially if she is on her tummy!?
I sit here pondering this age old question and am having a very difficult time thinking of something better or more delightful! I mean come on…curling your fingertips under that panty’s waistline…slowly dragging it over her ass…and I do mean slowly…revealing that perfect full moon…and we vampires love a full moon let me tell you! Oh that hot titillating feeling as you drag them down her legs…over those thighs and calves and then off onto the floor!
Sure…sure…dragging them down when she is on her back is great too…just a matter of intentions really…but…the effect is the same…I digress…
…so…what is better than pulling down a woman’s panties? A sunrise? AHHHHhhh ha Ha hA hahaaaa…I crack myself up! No…we vampires will take a full moon over a sunrise anytime!
Christmas presents? I think not…after all…pulling down a woman’s panties is unwrapping the ultimate gift…no? Of course it is…don’t be an idiot!
Drinking blood? Is drinking blood better than pulling down a woman’s panties? Unfair question…that’s just really a matter of the time of month is it not? Red Wings…baby…raise your hand if you got your Red Wings!
Stalking? Is stalking better than pulling down a woman’s panties? HA! Got you again! Unfair question…stalking is just a means to an end…yes? Get it?! A means to an “End”? AhhAhahA hhaaaaha HA ha ha….who is the funniest goddamn vampire you’ve ever met? Huh?! That’s right! Yours truly! Jesus in a diaper…I should take this show on the road!
I can not think of a single thing that is better than pulling down a woman’s panties.
Know It All05:26 Sep 04 2010
Times Read: 1,003
Yes yes yes...that is me...a know it all. Now...I do not say such a thing in arrogance...it has always been such...from birth...I have forever it seems just..."known". oh I can hear you like bees in my brain..."Just who the hell do you think you are Mr. Tu?!'...well...perhaps it is not a matter of who I am...but...a matter of who you are? The fact that you thought such a thing tells me you are insecure in your flesh.
I can stand in a crowded room...people shoulder to shoulder and there will be two feet all around me...I repel people...Oh ho ho hooo...I hear you yet again...:Perhaps Mr. Tu has a very unpleasant aroma!"...no...I always smell quite good.
But what I do have that is unpleasant...unpleasant for you...is the ability to see right through you. I will know who you truly are...by a mere glance. I can see right to the core of that little black dark spot you call a soul...oh yes I can. You can not hide your insecurities from me...you can not hide the demons that dwell inside you and my oh my how you love to hide them. You can not hide anything from me.
That is why no one holds my gaze...that is why I stand alone in a crowded room...it is starting to get boring.
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COMMENTS
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atyourwindow
21:59 Sep 26 2010
it's a luxury to be bored tu, at least ya dont have an old lady sucking the life out of ya lol *looks around*
MeanMeanMrTu
01:50 Sep 27 2010
Could we switch that to a young lady sucking the life out of me? See...then I'm with you!