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Co-worker...”What are you going to make for dinner tonight after work?”.

Me...”I've decided I'm going to try and eat salad one day a week, I bought a Caesar Salad over the weekend and I'm thinking I'll eat that.”.

Co-worker...”Last night I had bratwursts, so tonight I'm going to have Backdoor Cheese.”.

Me...”Backdoor Cheese? Ha ha ha haha what the fuck is Backdoor Cheese?”.

Co-worker...~stares~.

Me...”What is Backdoor Cheese?!”.

Co-worker...”That's not what I said!”.

Me...”You said you're going to have Backdoor Cheese, what the fuck is that?!”.

Co-worker...”MACARONI and cheese, I didn't say Backdoor Cheese!”.

Me...”I stood right here and heard you say Backdoor Cheese.”.

Co-worker...”MACARONI AND CHEESE, I said MACARONI AND CHEESE!”.

Me...~stares~.

Co-worker...~stares~.

Me...”You said Backdoor Cheese.”.

Co-worker...”MACARONI!” ~bares his teeth at me~.

Me...~stares~.

COMMENTS

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CinderHellion
10:50 Oct 25 2022

LMAO. I needed this laugh this morning. Thank you!

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MeanMeanMrTu
12:58 Oct 25 2022

Glad you got a laugh...

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Let's just get it out in the open, there has never been a period in my life where I wore underwear, I do not own a single pair, not thongs, not boxers or otherwise!

I didn't wear underwear as a child...I didn't wear underwear in my 20s...I didn't wear underwear in my 30s...I didn't wear underwear in my 40s...I didn't wear underwear in my 50s...and I sure as Hell haven't started to wear underwear in my 60s! What would be the point?

So...I'm at my 6 month physical check up...the doctor's aid comes in and takes all the vitals and we have the usual check chat...have you fallen...do you feel depressed...if you could kill one person who would it be...the usual give and take. She exits while saying “The Doctor will be with you in a few minutes.”...

Doctor Edith comes in and we have a repeat of all that was asked and answered with the aid...she complains about my slightly high blood pressure...practically begs me to try another blood thinner...I've been pretty much a hard ass about the blood thinners, but this time I relent and tell her I'll try a LIGHT DOSAGE ( I plan on cutting in half the prescribed amount.) Then she wants to check my breathing and here is where it gets a little dicey...

Doctor Edith has me hop up and sit on that table...she moves behind me and yanks the back of my cloak up for easy stethoscope application...I know she can see my intergluteal cleft...I find this very unsettling...

“SOMEONE CALL SOCIAL SERVICES, OLD MR. TU ISN'T WEARING UNDERWEAR AGAIN!”...I can just hear her after I leave...

COMMENTS

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ComeUndone
15:32 Oct 23 2022

LOL! This is hilarious.

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MeanMeanMrTu
22:36 Oct 23 2022

Thank you!

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So...I find this YouTube channel...Code Blue Cam...I watch a few segments where police are arresting intoxicated young girls and these girls go absolutely bat shit crazy...beyond over the top...it's taking 3 and 4 policemen to subdue just one little girl...babes going totally berserk...it gave me chills...it was like I was watching old girlfriends...holy shit!

I went to Walmart to pick up a Porterhouse steak... I haven't eaten a steak in a very long time...and also few tasty peripherals, the best being a bag of Ore-Ida Diced Hash Browns...I've been excited about this diner since yesterday! STEAK!

Last night I ordered hot wings from Grates, I enjoyed every last one and after emptying all those Styrofoam containers...deep fried mushrooms...poppers and onion rings...I then again discovered I was out of trash bags...FUCK!

Seeing how I was going steak hunting tonight, I simply sat all the empty Grates Styrofoam containers on my kitchen table to be deposited in what will be the newly purchased trash bags obtained during the steak hunt at Walmart...and that's what would have happened had I remembered to buy trash bags while at Walmart! FUCK!

So...halting my growing excitement in the coming meal, I make a trash bag run to Kroger...Kroger is a mere few blocks from me, a run to Walmart just for trash bags would have been insane...I WANT MY STEAK AND I WANT IT NOW! (Kroger is way out of line with their steak prices).

I zip through Kroger and self check out with my trash bags and a few other items...YES...A HERSHEY'S CHOCOLATE BAR...YES...I PUT IT IN THE REFRIGERATOR!

I'm walking out when I hear and see this little blond boy, can't be over 3 years old, he's sitting in one of those goddamn plastic car shopping carts and it's parked in the middle of the isle while his mother is being checked out by a clerk. The child is pretending he's a cop or something and is very loudly...very loudly...on a loud scale with 1 being the softest and 10 being the loudest, this kid is an easy 8...he is loudly vocalizing...”WOOOOO WOOOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOO WOOOO!”...I guess he was trying to mimic a siren of some sort...all the high pitched piercing “WOO WOO WOO”...and I was going to have to pass right beside this irritation made of flesh...

I'm staring at this kid as I walk by...now now now...I wasn't at any level of Serial Killer Dead Eyes, but I'm reasonably sure my face registered annoyance...possibly severe annoyance...okay...I concede that...but get this...as I walk past he leans towards me and hits me! He fucking hits me!

Does anyone want a video floating around the internet of themselves knocking the living piss out of a toddler, because I am 100% sure after that first uppercut found that little chin every cellphone and video device in that grocery would have been recording and live streaming...so...not having much of a choice I turned around and gave both mommy and baby boy a dressing down with my very best Serial Killer Dead Eyes...and then walked out...

After this and the Walmart garbage bag bungling you would think The Gods of Irritation would have been appeased and I'm sure they would have been for any other person in the whole fucking world, but we're talking about M. Tu here...

I finally get home and begin preparing the steak dinner I've been waiting at least 20 hours for...getting everything ready...excitement approaching a zenith...oil heating in a frying pan for the Ore-Ida Diced Hash Browns, I pick up that frozen bag and start squeezing and punching it to break up all those little diced hash browns...after a few crunches and pokes the bottom of the bag explodes and my Ore-Ida Diced Hash Browns scatter all over my kitchen floor...

I'm going back to Kroger now...pray for the children...

Well…in the past I have been accused of being something of a hermit…which is actually, pretty much fine with me…BUT…seeing as this was the big Halloween get drunk wear your psychotic mess on your sleeve look Ma I’m a call cowgirl threw this conglomeration of stray apparel together as a costume stripper ballerina fireman I don’t know what the hell that’s supposed to be, weekend…I decided I would give the real world another attempt and out to a bar I ventured.

I want to say at this juncture that I did NOT see any of the following: Vampire (Except yours truly, of course.); Ghost; Werewolf; Zombie; Witch; Goblin; Devil; Pumpkin costume of some sort; Dead Person; Cardboard Box Robot covered with tin foil with real blinking lights; Frankenstein; or even, at a stretch, an Alien. I feel safe in saying…the concept of Halloween has been lost…LOST…but that’s not what this post is about (But it should be.).

I found the nicest little dark corner of a bar and there I stood watching all the NOT HALLOWEEN COSTUMES! Sure…sure…a few little Honey Bunnies were showing off as much flesh as they could get away with and such did make the NO HALLOWEEN COSTUMED evening a little more palatable…well…for the most part…a few needed a serious reality check. If one is fat…wearing less apparel doesn’t make one thinner…for some…these should be words to live by…may I suggest the Cardboard Box Robot covered with tin foil with real blinking lights, costume?

There I stood taking it all in…*Oh look…a whole table full of Naughty Cowgirls…how…scary*…*Ah…a Gremlin costume.*…I narrowed my eyes…*Wait…wait…that’s not a costume.*. There by a pool table wobbled a little old female barfly…I’ve seen these women many times…I’ve even watched one relieve herself as she sat on her bar stool…charming...and it was very easy to imagine this particular one taking that time saving shortcut during a Marathon drinking session.

There she stood wobbling and glancing in my direction…*Oh boy*…~wobble wobble wobble~…~wobble wobble wobble~…~Glance~…~wobble wobble wobble~……~wobble wobble wobble~…~Glance~…~wobble wobble wobble~…*Ohhhhhhh boy*…~wobble wobble wobble~…and then…she made an erratic beeline for yours truly…

Her…”I love your cosshtume!”.

Me…”I’m not wearing a costume.”.

Her…”I love your cooooat!”. (Referring to my long black gentleman's coat.)

Me…”Thank you, but really it’s just a very old coat.”.

Her…~wobbles~…”Whyyyyy are you ignoring me?”.

Me…”I’m not ignoring you, I’m speaking with you.”

Her…”I love your cooooat!”.

Me…”Yes…thank you again!”

Her…”Don’t ignore meeeee!”…~wobbles~.

Me…”I’m not ignoring you, I’m speaking with you!”.

Her…~wobbles~…”Do you danshhh?”.

Me…”No…I don’t dance.”.

Her…”Whyyyyyy not?”… ~wobbles~.

Me…”Because I’m a tight ass white boy.”

Her…~Cackles and wobbles~…”Letsh dannnnnnsh!”.

Me…”I just told you I don’t dance.”

Her…~wobbles cackles wobbles~…”Why nooooooot?!”.

Me…”Because I’m a tight ass white boy.”. (I must admit, at this point I considered snapping her neck.)

Her…~Cackles and cackles and cackles and wobbles and cackles~.

Her…”I love your coat!”…~wobbles~.

Me…”Yes, I know.”

It was at this point she yanked out her dentures and then gave me a big smile...I got the fright of my life...spooked, I raced home.

BOO!

So...not 10 minutes ago...I go to Kroger to purchase the necessary items for my dinners through the coming week...of course I'm in a surly mood...food prices...$100 gets me the bare minimum...the bare minimum and that doesn't even include the required number of Hostess Cup Cakes for successful week long dessert coverage ...yeah I'm unhappy...thanks Traitor In Chief...

I want to briskly storm out, but I can't...I'm stuck behind what I am guessing is a family...real “Karen” looking couple with two little “Karen To Be”. The family opted for a plastic car shopping cart and the smallest of the “Karen To Be” is sitting in the car section banging away on the side. The older “Karen To Be”, not more than 5 / 6 years old with badly dyed long pink filthy hair is trailing behind and clutching some kind of dirty new age doll (I'm again guessing).

I can only shuffle behind this...this...family...because the “Parental Karen's” are deep in some kind of insipid discussion and are oblivious to my growing irritation at their pace.

I have to stop suddenly because the older “Karen To Be”...the 5 / 6 years old with the badly dyed long pink filthy hair...spins around and faces me with an angry scowl on her little face and almost screams...”AHHHHYAKAKAGLLLLLIPSKAAAAAABLSH!”...then spins back. No reaction from the “Parental Karen's”...nothing...they don't even turn to look at this kid...it's like she's not there. 2 seconds later she does it again...spins around and right at me with the most hateful look loudly offers...”AHHHHYAKAKAGLLLLLIPSKAAAAAABLSH!”...I bore into her eyes with my best Serial Killer Dead Eyes...that only elicits another snotty...”AHHHHYAKAKAGLLLLLIPSKAAAAAABLSH!”...

God...I wanted to kick her in the teeth so bad...

COMMENTS

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AngelofMadness
21:27 Oct 09 2022

*chuckles* Try being a cashier sometime...

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ComeUndone
15:41 Oct 23 2022

She was trying to emulate you with the hateful look. She was practicing her 5 /6-year-old-filthy-badly-dyed-pink-hair-killer-to-be-dead-eyes and accompanying battle cry. You should be flattered. LOL.

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MeanMeanMrTu
08:45 Oct 24 2022

Possibly...

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