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9 entries this month
THEY HAVE A GUN!23:06 Jul 29 2011
Times Read: 697
A very…very…bad person is going to shoot you with a .357 magnum.
What? No…the size of this person’s ears is inconsequential for this post.
What? Please…do not cast any judgements regarding race…Whites shoot people too…it’s not just the Blacks.
What? No…gender plays no part in this post…women shoot people just as men do.
What? No…sexual orientation does not have a role in this scenario…a Gay’s wrist may be weaker than his heterosexual counterpart…but…said Gay would just get a smaller gun and still shoot you.
What? Well sure…it could be an Oriental…or…an Indian…but…that’s not important for this post.
What? It does not matter if this very…very…bad person resides in The Government…*winks*…or…in the Private Sector.
What? I suppose it could be a Terrorist…but…it doesn’t have to be.
What? NO…religious belief has no baring…they all kill in the name of God.
What? American Indians can shoot people just as the European variety can…it doesn’t matter!
What? Of course! It…could…be…a…child…BUT…it doesn’t have to be!
What? Look…Liberals shoot people too…Mark David Chapman…Left…John Wilkes Booth…Left…Lee Harvey Oswald…Left…Sirhan Sirhan…Left…they’re definitely a twitchy bunch of fuckers. BUT…in fairness…it could be one of us Right Wing pricks…although…I can’t think of one that’s actually done it…shot someone…Amerika’s still young though…*winks*…there’s time!
What? YES…a handicapped person could shoot you…STOP BEING A RETARD! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Now…again… a very…very…bad person is going to shoot you with a .357 magnum. Do you negotiate…compromise…on where he is going to shoot you…or…do you kick their brains out all over the goddamn floor and stop them?!
“Do you feel lucky…punk?”…(Obligatory “Dirty Harry” referrence.)…”Well…do ya?”.
Run Down To Walmart00:14 Jul 29 2011
Times Read: 709
Are you fucking kidding me? Huh? Are you? Are…you…fucking…kidding…me? Am I the only sane person left in Amerika (notice the “k”)?! You’re joking…right?
Are you…whoever you may be…going to tell me that first…the act of masturbation shocks you? It shocks you?! “Oh my GOD! A single man masturbates!!!…*faints*…”. Really? Are you fucking kidding me? Honestly…when a single heterosexual male masturbates…he will always have a female in mind. And let me tell you (try not to faint)…that “Masturbation Harem” is vast…there’s a lot of Chick-a-poos in that pool! Is masturbation supposed to be monogamous? Is this News to you? Is this some kind of shock for you? You didn’t know…or…realize this?! If this shocks you…you need to…RUN DOWN TO WALMART AND BUY SOME BIG PEOPLE’S PANTIES!
Second…let us see…*taps chin with finger*…in our last post…what we referred to in a minor way…and yes it was minor…only you made it major…was an event that happened 5 years ago! We truly believe it was more like 8 years ago…but…we will give the benefit of the doubt and say…5 ( We know it was more than that.). 5…fucking…years?! Still bleeding after 5…fucking…years?! Seriously?
The Heterosexual Professor is now going to put on his “Rational Thinking Cap”…yes…this time you should be shocked…we do have one…we just don’t wear it a lot! *tucks hair in*…Alright…our “Rational Thinking Cap”…that’s “RTC” for short…is donned and we’ll turn it on (that’s “activate” for the more intellectual)…*beep beep beep*…*beep beep beep*…OUR GOD…we can feel the rational coursing…*beep beep beep*…through our brain!! All lobes firing at maximum capacities!! Corpus Callosum…HOT! Hippocampus…HOT! Parietal Lobe…HOT HOT HOT!!! I’M GETTING AN ERECTION! I’M GETTING AN ERECTION!!! JUST STICK IT IN…*runs in circles*…SOMEWHERE!!!! WHAT’S GOING ON?! WHAT YEAR IS IT?! WERE WE TAKLING?! WE’LL BE BACK (Obligatory “Terminator” reference)…IN THREE MINUTES FLAT!
Whewwww…we dialed the RTC down to 8…which by the way…we think is the correct number of years…and yes that is a reduction of 3 because our RTC goes to 11 (Obligatory “This Is Spinal Tap” reference)…but again…we’ll say it’s 5. Now…you…whoever you may be…are trying to tell us…that’s Mr. Haley…Mr. Tu…and Michael…*beep beep beep*…that…after a short lived (compared to a Hummingbirds life span) online romance…that was consummated one time in “The Real World”…*beep beep beep*…you are telling us that after 5 Christmases (more like 8)…5 Birthdays (more like 8)…5 Arbor Days (more like 8)…*beep beep beep*…5 Halloweens (more like 8)…5 Easters (more like 8)…*beep beep beep*…5 New Years (more like 8)…and after 5 goddamn Groundhog Days (more like 8)…*beep beep beep*…a soul should still be devastated and crushed?! If you…whoever you may be…are still despondent…gushing blood…over a failed romance…after 5 fucking years (more like 8)…you need to…RIGHT NOW…*beep beep beep*… RUN DOWN TO WALMART AND BUY SOME BIG PEOPLE’S PANTIES AND PERHAPS A BIG BOX OF TAMPONS! MAN UP! (Obligatory “Black” reference)…*beep beep beep*.
Michael…”TURN IT OFF…TURN IT OFF…I CAN’T STAND IT!”.
Mr. Tu…”YES…PLEASE SIR…ALL THIS REALITY IS MAKING ME NAUSEOUS!”
Oh…forgive me gentlemen…*powers down the RTC…~WWHHhhhIIiiiiiirrrrrrrrrs~…*. That more to your liking my little demons?
Michael…”FUCK YEAH!”.
Mr. Tu…”Thank you good Sir!”.
I believe everyone online is suffering from the terrible “Stick Disease”…which is a shame…because…21st Century Medicine can…safely…remove them from your ass!
Michael…”THAT’S A HOOT HP!”.
Mr. Tu…”Ohhhhhhhhh good one Sir!”.
Now…in closing…if you don’t like reading us…whoever you are…DON’T READ US! Personally WE couldn’t care less! And if you…whoever you are…want to drop US from your “Friends List”…have at it! WE won’t lose one second of sleep…will we boys?!
Michael…”FUCK NO HP!”.
Mr. Tu…”Not a nano second Sir!’
Lobes01:00 Jul 28 2011
Times Read: 722
Michael….”OoommMMMm…mmMMMmmm…OoommMMM…mmMMMmm…OoommMM.”.
Mr. Tu…..”…*steps into the Corpus Callosum*…WHAT is that confounding racket?!
I am trying to read over in the Hippocampus!”.
Mr. Haley (aka The Heterosexual Professor)…”Oh that’s merely Michael over in the Parietal Lobe…
I believe he’s practicing some form of Hindu Mystic Meditation claptrap.”.
Michael….”OoommMM…mmMMmm…OoommMM…mmMMmm…OoommMM.”.
Mr. Tu…”…*flares cape and peers into the Parietal Lobe*…THAT SIR…is not meditating!”.
Michael….”OomMM…mMMm…OomMM…mMMm…OomMM…mMMm…OomMM.”.
Mr. Haley…”…*lowers bifocals and looks over shoulder*…Oh! The little monkey is having at it again!”.
Michael….”OmM…mM…OmM…mM…OmM…mM…OmM…OmM…mM…OmM…mM.”.
Mr. Haley…”Wow Mr. Tu! Look at him go!”.
Mr. Tu…”Yes Sir…he is insatiable…INSATIABLE!”.
Mr. Haley…”…*squints through bifocals*…Who’s that he has a hold of this time?”.
Mr. Tu…”That woman from Cupid…Sir.”.
Mr. Haley…”Cupid?”.
Mr. Tu…”Yes Sir…you remember…the female that had the rendezvous with the Cheese Farmer?”.
Mr. Haley…”Cheese Farmer Mr. Tu?”.
Mr. Tu…”Yes…I believe from Idaho…Sir.”.
Mr. Haley…”Idaho?”
Mr. Tu…”Yes Sir Idaho…surely you remember the Cheese Farmer from Idaho that threatened us?”.
Mr. Haley…”Ohhhhhhh YES! My…that was a spot of good fun! Was it not Mr. Tu?!”.
Mr. Tu…”…*flares cape*…Yes Sir…GREAT FUN indeed!”.
Mr. Haley…”The blond.”.
Mr. Tu…:Yes Sir.”
Mr. Haley…”Had the most beautiful full firm exquisitely hung…eyes…*winks*!”
Mr. Tu…”…*nods and winks back*…That’s her…Sir.”
Michael….”OmM…mM…OmM…mM…OmM…mM…OmM…OmM…mM…OmM…mM.”.
Mr. Haley…”Didn’t she ‘un-friend’ us here Mr. Tu?”.
Mr. Tu…”Yes…I am afraid she did…Sir.”.
Mr. Haley…”Well…that explains it.”.
Mr. Tu…”Explains it…Sir?”
Mr. Haley…”Yes Mr. Tu…Michael never responded well to rejection…you know that!
This is text book Freud Mr. Tu…classic…text…book…Freud.”.
Mr. Tu…”…*nodding in agreement*…Text book Freud Sir…*flares cape*…”.
Michael….”OmM…mM…OmM…mM…OmM…mM…OmM…OmM…mM…OmM…mM…OMMM.”.
Mr. Tu…”Sir?”.
Mr. Haley…”Yes…Mr. Tu?”.
Mr. Tu…”I have it on good authority that she still comes and reads us.”.
Mr. Haley…”Of course she does…natural Freudian behavior…she can’t help herself…Mr. Tu.”.
Mr. Tu…”I think she loves Michael.”.
Mr. Haley…:Well…who wouldn’t love that cheeky monkey?!”.
Mr. Tu…”Quite right Sir…Sir?”.
Mr. Haley…”Yes Mr. Tu?”.
Mr. Tu…”Should we say hello?”.
Mr. Haley…”Now that is a splendid idea…yes…let’s say hello!”.
Mr. Haley & Mr. Tu…”HELLO GRAY!!!”.
Mr. Haley…”Michael…don’t be rude…say hello to Gray.”
Michael…”OM..OM..OM..HUH..HUH…HELLOOOOOOGRAAAAAAARRRrrrrGhhhhh…*snorts*…ggugggghhhhhh…..*snorts*…
gughhhhh…..zzzzz….ZZZZzzzzz….*twitch*….GugsnortzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ.”
Mr. Haley…”He positively looks like an Angel when he’s asleep Mr. Tu…an…Angel!”.
Mr. Tu…”From the video perhaps…Sir.”.
Mr. Haley…”Yes…of course. I think you will now have some peace in the Hippocampus…Mr. Tu.”.
Mr. Tu…”Thank you Sir... I will be taking my leave!…*flares cape and vanishes*…”.
WE'RE NOT DOING IT22:46 Jul 26 2011
Times Read: 744
Now maybe I’m being naive here…maybe I don’t understand the intricacies of life and law…so I want to pose a question…to you all…that keeps occurring to me.
Obama said years ago and I heard him say it…I heard him first hand…say how he was going to destroy the coal/electric industry. And he has done this by using “Regulations and Standards”…forget all the brownouts and perhaps even blackouts that will happen when these businesses close…and they are closing…in droves. Forget about charging your panty waist electric car…there won’t be enough electricity to do it (morons). Forget all the consequences of idiotic ideals and laws.
What I don’t understand is why “We The People”…”The Captains of Industry”…and the like…don’t just say…”FUCK YOU WE’RE NOT DOING IT!”! What would happen?
When the CEOs of the auto industry were summoned to Washington…what would have happened if they had said…”FUCK YOU WE’RE NOT COMING!”? Would “The Government” have issued arrest warrants for them? Would The National Guard been deployed to surround GM? Deployed to surround a Coal/Electric plant that said…”FUCK YOU WE’RE NOT DOING IT!”?
They would get fined you say? Alright…”FUCK YOU WE’RE NOT GOING TO PAY IT!”! Oh…right…the IRS would freeze bank accounts and such things…BUT…what would happen if the Banks said…”FUCK YOU WE’RE NOT FREEZING IT!”?
Oh alright…I’m really not so naive…remember Waco? Remember what “The Government” did there? Women…children…not to mention the men…burned to death? Ruby Ridge? A million other “American Citizens” that have been ass fucked by “The Government”?
It appears I’ve answered my own question…never mind.
Expressions of Love__The Heterosexual Professor01:56 Jul 26 2011
Times Read: 763
I am going to throw all modesty right out the window for this post…I am going to make a brash and arrogant and delusional proclamation that in all matters concerning “Man”…”We”…that is Michael Haley…Mr. Tu and Michael…are…without a doubt…unequivocally…the authority! We are the Heterosexual Professor! We have no doubts as to the truth and shear awesome logic…not to mention our combined life experience…of our mental ability to cut through…glean if you will…(good word…*glean*)…all of our societies heaping stinking mounds of bullshit…(Damn you Walt Disney…damn you to Hell! I hope burning little love fairies are poking you in the eyes with flaming dog turds! )…and bring forth TRUTH! AIN’T THAT RIGHT BOYS?!
Mr. Tu…..”ABSOLUTELY SIR!”
Michael…”FUCK YEAH! YOU TELL ‘EM MR. HALEY!”
Take your seat and settle down now Michael…Mr. Tu do please try and keep him under control this semester.
Mr. Tu….”YES SIR!”
Alright…let’s begin…and take notes…there will be a test!
(For the entire course…ladies…your husband…boyfriend…or…significant other…will be referred to as “Your Man”!)
Chapter 1…EXPRESSIONS of LOVE
For eons the act of copulation…or as Michael likes to call it…”The Old Hibbity Bibbity Rodeo”…has been erroneously referred to as an Expression of Love…an act of sharing. For…Your Man…this is bullshit! No man…ever…in the entire history of the world…has achieved an erection and thought to himself…*Golly…I can’t wait to share this with a woman.*…NO…all Your Man wants to do is…”JUST STICK IT IN SOMEWHERE!” (Courtesy Sam Kinison). Your Man is NOT sharing anything! It is shear animal lust and yes…he will always keep his eye on the prize…the destination!
I suppose one could argue that if…Your Man…endures more than 3 minutes flat…and believe me…any man could wrap it up that quickly…he is expressing his love. ”Ohhhh he puts his finger here and he puts his finger there…he makes figure 8s here and he makes figure 8s there!”…but the truth is this…he gropes about for hours on end so you will copulate with him again! Especially in this day and age…”HE TOUCHED MY BREAST OFFICER…THROW HIM IN JAIL!”…lovely. Oh sure…sure…you ladies can always count on more than 3 minutes…after all…Your Man…does love to play with your breasts and suck your nipples…but…take that away? God forbid!
The Heterosexual Professor can sense the confusion from the ladies in the classroom…”What is an Expression of Love by My Man Heterosexual Professor?”…I mystically hear you ask…fair enough question…we will tell you.
Remember when…Your Man…was risking a massive coronary shoveling the snow from your sidewalk? Shoveling a nice neat trimmed little path to the street so his Goddess could walk unfettered to the mailbox or other destinations? This…YES THIS…is just ONE…Expression of Love by…Your Man! He does this for YOU! NOT HIMSELF! A man alone would wade through and kick that snow until he had beaten down a ramshackle path…he wouldn’t give a Fat Rats Ass what the neighbors thought! He shovels LOVE…for YOU! He virtually risks his life…for YOU! JESUS…HIS LIFE! (In summer substitute mower for shovel.)
I wonder how many tons of garbage…Your Man…has carted out to the curb so your domicile remained Glade fresh? A man alone would only take out trash and empty pizza boxes when they started to obstruct the view of his television! He carries garbage for YOU! JESUS…GARBAGE! He carts love.
Remember when…Your Man…set down the Xbox controller and came to the kitchen to peel carrots for your sumptuous stew? A man alone would have sat there playing while he riffled through all the pizza boxes in a search for a forgotten slice! Yes…YES…he was peeling love.
I could go on and on and on and on…site example after example of Expression of Love by…Your Man…that has been carelessly tossed aside by society…ignored…deemed unimportant. But…I think a better lesson…class…is for you to list all those forgotten Expressions of Love! Yes…YES…that is your assignment! That is perfect! Let’s put on our thinking caps and instead of tearing down…Your Man…let’s see if you have the courage…honesty and integrity to give him his due?!
Well that concludes Chapter 1…Expressions of Love…what did you two think?
Mr. Tu….”OH…spot on good sir!”
Michael…”Fuckin’ A Right…Heterosexual Professor!”
We will next discuss Chapter 2…Amour And The Art of Wooing The Female Gender
Michael…”…*Starts stomping around the classroom gyrating his hips lewdly*…”.
Mr. Tu….”Knock it off Michael!”.
Michael…”YES SIR!”.
Did You Enjoy It?09:49 Jul 24 2011
Times Read: 779
Just today…this past afternoon actually…I had a rather lengthy telephone conversation with a female friend from my high school years. Oh we talked about former classmates…the state of The United States…what has happened in our lives since those old golden days of youth and of course…as any great conversation will eventually get around to…sex. Past lovers and the situations…believe me…there are quite a few posts coming from that…turn ons and turn offs…the psychology of why and who we choose for mates and other avenues.
Suddenly she asked me a question that stopped me dead in my mental tracks…a question I have never…EVER…asked myself! I thought such a thing impossible with the maelstrom that is my thought process…BUT…there it was…a question that has never surfaced and a very interesting one. She asked…”Did your past lovers enjoy sex with you?”.
Michael…”What the fuck kinda question is that Mr. Tu?!”
Mr. Tu…”Yes…I know Michael…like you…I was stunned. I think we males assume…since we are experiencing sexual Valhalla and the woman does not immediately bolt…then they must be experiencing sexual Valhalla as well.”.
Michael…”Mr. Tu…they all made those goofy sex faces! You know that!”…*Michael makes goofy sex faces*.
Mr. Tu…”This is very true my budding little Genghis Khan…BUT…could not those expressions of perceived sexual passion be in fact expressions of distress? I think both expressions could look very much alike…pinched eyes coupled with a quivering slack mouth…we could have been mistaken.”.
Michael…*Stomps about the room gyrating his hips lewdly*…”What about all the heavy breathing they did? Huh? What about that Mr. Tu?!”…*Gyrates faster*.
Mr. Tu…”That is a good point…Michael…BUT…we always gave them a rather robust workout…so…heavy breathing occurring would be expected with either passion…or…distress. I do not think this heavy breathing can assure a verdict of pleasure.”.
Michael…*Still stomping and gyrating lewdly*…”After the break-ups they always came back periodically for another ride on the old ‘Rodeo Hibbity Bibbity’…Mr. Tu…what about that?! Huh? That’s a good sign isn’t it?
Mr. Tu…”Another good point my young demon…but again…frontal lobes full of bad wiring could account for that…not necessarily sexual enjoyment.”.
Michael…*Moves hips in a slow circular grinding motion*…”What about all the cumming? Huh? We always made sure they got multiples before we even got our one! Are you going to tell me a woman isn’t having a good time when she’s cumming?!…*Snoooooooooorts and gyrates*.
Mr. Tu…”I would have thought so…in fact…that is exactly what we believe…BUT…our female friend has informed us the gender can climax and not be experiencing a pleasurable sexual encounter.”.
Michael…*Abruptly stops gyrating*…”That’s just BULLSHIT Mr. Tu! Anytime anyone is cumming they are having…ONE…HELL…OF…A…GOOD…TIME…END…OF…STORY!”.
Mr. Tu…”As difficult as it is to fathom…our female friend insists a climax does not ensure that sexual pleasure is being achieved.
Michael…”Ohhhh Suuuuuure…for decades the bitch was we didn’t care enough to make them cum…and now that we make them cum it still isn’t good enough! Damned if we do and damned if we don’t Mr. Tu! All those hours and hours of learning knot after knot! What the hell do women want? Huh?! WHAAAAAAATTTT?!?!”.
Mr. Tu…”At this juncture…Michael…I am at a loss.”.
Michael…*Bounces on feet and again lewdly gyrates*…”She’s just fucking with our mind Mr. Tu…she’s playing with us…don’t listen…we know what we’re doin’…baby!”.
Mr. Tu…*smiles*
Songs In The Key of Bullshit14:27 Jul 20 2011
Times Read: 810
Music has shaped our lives over the years in countless ways…shaped society…shaped our thinking and I do actually believe shaped our behavior. Was that little break up truly that devastating…or…did 50 years of insipid little love songs make you think it was…*raises an eyebrow*…?! In any event…songs have traditionally been rooted in truth…love…lust…”Pour some sugar on meeeeee!”…”Lick it up…lick it up…oh oh oh”…”Lucy in the sky with diamonds!”…sweet Jesus…musicians have written about everything under the sun…repeatedly I might add…AND…the songs have always had at least a shred of honesty to them…BUT…lately I’ve been hearing songs that are totally bogus…lying…dishonest…just absolute bullshit!
The first “Song In The Key of Bullshit” on my Hit Parade is titled…I think…”Tomorrow”. A heinous C&W tune with the old standard melancholy “Oh whoa is me” tempo and feel. Apparently a couple is breaking up…”We’re like fire and gasoline I’m no good for you…you’re no good for me…we only cause each other tears and sorrooooow”…and he’s leaving in the morning. It really doesn’t matter if the woman is kicking him out…or…he’s leaving her…they’re finished…end…of…story…BUT…for some weirdo-fucking-ramma reason this dipshit sings…”I’m gonna give it one last try…rock you hard in these arms of mine.”…and for those of you that don’t understand “Rock you hard”…he’s going to bang her! Now…I have never…ever…heard of…or…been involved with…a break up where the man was going to get laid on the last night…NEVER! IT DOESN’T HAPPEN! IT…DOESN’T…HAPPEN! If the woman is kicking you out chances are you haven’t banged her in…at least…the last three months…let alone the last night! IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Even if you are leaving her…she…is feeling hurt and slighted…so…again…IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!! Sure…sure…you’re going to have “For Old Times Sake” sex…but…that’s weeks down the road pal…it’s not going to happen on the last night! Listen young cow pokes…don’t believe this song for a minute…you’ll only be smoking in your truck that last night thinking…*That bastard lied to me!*. THIS SONG IS IN THE KEY OF BULLSHIT!
The second “Song In The Key of Bullshit” on my Hit Parade is titled…”Pinacolada” (Peena-ko-lada)…I think. This is a panty waist little number that begins with a man in bed with his “Lovely Lady” and she is asleep. He sings about how tired he is of the relationship…”Like a worn out record that plays the same old song.”…lovely. What’s this dipshits answer to his stale relationship? He peruses the Singles Ads in the paper! He finds a woman that asks…”Do you like Peena-ko-ladas…and walks in the rain…making love at midnight…and dancing on fairies.”…some crap like that. So he answers…”Yes I like peena-ko-ladas…and walks in the rain…making love at midnight…and dancing on fairies.”. This fucker’s going to cheat on his “Lovely Lady”! So…him and the Singles Ad woman decide to meet. And who walks into the room to meet him? His very own “Lovely Lady”!! “Ohhhh I didn’t know you liked peena-ko-ladas!”…”Ohhhhh I didn’t know you liked walks in the rain!”…the song has them laughing and rediscovering their love. Excuse me? Are you fucking kidding me?!Huh? BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT!! She walks in and finds her boyfriend?! Her lying cheating son of a bitch boyfriend?! Cheating on her? He was going to CHEAT on her?!?! What?! Yeah…she was going to cheat on him…but…that’s not the point! That rotten mutherfucker was going to CHEAT ON HER!!!! Now…if you think this situation happens in the real world and those two people are going to be drinking peena-ko-ladas…walking in the rain…making love at midnight…and dancing on fairies…you are out of your fucking mind! DON’T ANYONE BELIEVE THIS BULLSHIT! THIS SONG IS IN THE KEY OF BULLSHIT!
Get in the real world songsmiths!
This Is HiLARIOUS! 19:55 Jul 11 2011
Times Read: 831
http://youtu.be/nGeKSiCQkPw
Lunch12:31 Jul 11 2011
Times Read: 852
Outside...where we smokers eat during our lunch break...we keep the main lights off so all the bugs will flock to a lighted window near by and not on us...our lunch is at 3 am. There's enough light by that window that we...the smokers that have to go outside...can see well enough to eat smoke and relax...see you soon coffee drinkers...COFFEE CAUSES CANCER!
Tonight I selected out of the sandwich machine a nutritious...hearty...scrumptious..."Taco Joe" sandwich. Now...for those of you that have never eaten a "Taco Joe" sandwich...and let me say here you are really missing out...it mainly consists of a cat food like substance artificially flavored to taste like a taco...then sprinkled with what must be the finest grated cheese and then placed in a golden brown bun. Yeah I know! Awesomeness!
There I sat alone with my "Taco Joe" sandwich. What? Well you see...I get to the outside picnic table a good five minutes before all the other smokers...and soon to be coffee drinkers...COFFEE CAUSES CANCER...because I am not tethered to an automated line...I can walk away form my machine any damn time I want...so...I think we all know why I get out there five minutes before anyone else...*winks*.
I noshed my "Taco Joe" sandwich down to the last bite when I noticed a few crumbs from my bun laying on the table in front of me and yours truly being raised right..."Waste Not Want Not"...picked a few of them up and sprinkled them on said last bite. I always get a little depressed when I eat the last bite of a "Taco Joe" sandwich...so few and so far between...the vendor needs to be a little more generous with the number of "Taco Joe" sandwiches he stocks in the sandwich machine...I'll have to have a word with him.
With a brave face I popped the last bite into my mouth and lovingly...reverently...masticated the hell out of it and swallowed...that's when I noticed one of the remaining bun crumbs start to walk across the table.
I think I just ate a bug...
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COMMENTS
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PAGAN
23:24 Jul 29 2011
I think I'd get terribly angry, then turn the other cheek. I mean, if they're gonna shoot, I'm a goner anyway.
MeanMeanMrTu
23:35 Jul 29 2011
Well...no...Option 2 was...kick their brains out all over the goddamn floor!
Nedra
23:36 Jul 29 2011
I would go down fighting......if you are going to die anyway......
MeanMeanMrTu
23:48 Jul 29 2011
Lol...there's a choice here...one doesn't have to die!
PAGAN
23:52 Jul 29 2011
you haven't seen me when I'm angry...I have the same death-stare as my mother has... LOL
I really would get very angry, I mean, how dare someone try to shoot me, and if that didn't make them think twice, I'd turn away and take my chances on them not shooting me in the back.
MeanMeanMrTu
00:17 Jul 30 2011
And why are these posts coming in so goddamn wide? What did I do wrong? HELP!
chrysanthemia
14:29 Aug 04 2011
This line;
"gughhhhh…..zzzzz….ZZZZzzzzz….*twitch*….GugsnortzzzzzzZZZZZZZZ."
Is making all your posts wide. It's all one word (technically) and it's stretching the page out. Stick a space in there, and voila, no more page-stretchery.
MeanMeanMrTu
21:04 Aug 04 2011
THANK YOU!!