The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I found out a while back, by my son, that I could press a button on my remote, wait for a chime sound, and then I could make a vocal request from...well...I'm not sure who / what...some kind of artificial intelligence / virtual assistant with a woman's voice...the fabled Alexa? I'm not sure that's right...in any event...

I can ask for Serial Killer Documentaries...Jerry Springer episodes from antiquity...Otzi the Iceman documentaries...48 Hours episodes...I think anything anyone can think of can be found online and yes, that includes Mr. Ed, of course of course!

I haven't had a clock in my little living room ever, I have to get up off the couch and walk to the kitchen to find out the time...I need to buy a clock...well...I did need to buy a clock sometime...see...I've found out I can ask the artificial intelligence / virtual assistant with a woman's voice what time it is...I press the button...wait for the chime...and then ask...”The time?”...and then the artificial intelligence / virtual assistant with a woman's voice will tell me...”The time is 1:57am.”.

This comes in extremely handy when I have to keep close track of the time, if I have somewhere I need to be and I need preparation time, but would like to know if I can squeeze in one more episode of “My Favorite Martian”.

The first time I ask for...”The time?”...I get what seems to be a polite answer from the artificial intelligence / virtual assistant with a woman's voice...”The time is 1:57am.”.

The second time I ask...”The time?”...the artificial intelligence / virtual assistant with a woman's voice seems to be a little irritated...”The TIME is 2:10am.”. I don't think I've been imagining it...there seems to be an attitude.

The third time I ask...”The time?”...I'm almost positive I'm getting sass from the artificial intelligence / virtual assistant with a woman's voice...The TIME IS 2:15!”. I swear it's happening.

I keep thinking that can't be, that I am probably just imagining it...but then this happened...

I woke from an impromptu nap on the couch...a bit startled...I had an appointment to make in the morning...I immediately pressed the button...waited for the chime...and since I had just woke my voice was a little hoarse, you know, old man voice, and I inquired...”The Time?”...the artificial intelligence / virtual assistant with a woman's voice whispered...really...fucking whispered...

”I'll answer you in a whisper since you want to whisper...the time is 3:34 am...when you don't want to whisper anymore just say “Turn off whisper mode”...

Pressed the button...waited for the chime...”TURN OFF WHISPER MODE, SMARTASS!”

You know, I don't think I ever gave much thought of where I was going to be when I reached 66...I think I had always hoped the old girl and I were still going to be having occasional sex...boy...that sure didn't pan out...

I didn't give much thought to where and in what I was going to be dwelling, so my little apartment here seems...adequate...I suppose it could be much worse...of course, there's no "Old Girl"...it's just me...so...it really doesn't matter.

That same line of thinking has followed my vehicle history, not much of a car plan, if I could travel with a certain amount of comfort and reliability from Point A to Point B and back again, that was all I've ever really cared about...I mean...especially now, why would I spend gobs of money on a car...who am I going to be trying to impress...what does the year and a little rust matter?

I've never planned for a single solitary thing, I've pretty much just moved on to what was next...so right now at 66 I shouldn't be too surprised I'm brushing cheese corn kernels out of my chest hair at 12:41 on 1/8/2023...

Happy New Year!