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How do you get someone to love you who is scared of love itself? Ive found the perfect person but how do i tell her shes the one? Everytime i try i fuck up. How do i tell her i want to be with her for immortality? How do i show her she is my world? How do know she wants the same? She is my everything but i cant tell her because im scared of the outcome. Everytime i look at her my cold heart warms. Evertime she smiles life seems that much easier to stand. Shes perfect. How do i tell her i want to take her on a date, and i dont care if its in the day or the night or whenever. I want to tell her how beautiful i think she really is and that i like her... i always have.

Its not easy loseing the one you really like or even love, especially for a reason you dont understand. Its not easy to "move on" after you gave everything you had to that special someone.



I woke up this morning the exact same way i always wake up these days; cold, alone, and seeing her smiling face in my eyelids. Everyday for two months i have woken up the same way, day after day, wondering if shes thinking of me. Wondering if she misses me. And everyday i am left disappointed and without an answer. What is life without love? What is love?



Love is the hearts recognition of its counterpart in another. Right, if that was true then, her lips mouthing "i love you" would have rang true. Her words " I only tell people this story when im falling in love with them" would have remained warm to this day. The remains of her kisses would not burn my skin or perice my heart. She would still be mine. She would still look at me with those beautiful eyes. She would still touch my face whith her soft warm hands. Why cant she be mine. Why cant life work out once. God, look at me! Satin look at me! I stand before you both with a proposition. Which ever one can bring her back to me can have my soul! Which ever one can show her how much i love her and how much she does the same, can reserve a spot for me in there house. I dont care! I just want her back! I am tired of waking up in an empty bed, not being able to see the light of my life while she sleeps. Im tired of walking past her and not being able to smile at her, and know that she will rturn the warmth, the love, the light. Zeus, I see now what Brian went through. But he messed up, I did not. Unless you call giving someone my heart, my love, a mistake! She told me she still liked me! Then why does she do this to me? why does she do this to herself? she knows she will not e happy unless she is with me! Hades, you know i wanted to be with her forever. You know i planned to marry her next spring. You know i loved her son Elijah like he was my own. You know i wanted another child. Why, Why do you do this to me? Why do you torture me? Why cant i hae what was made for me.Yes Zeus. Yes Hades. I said it. She was made for me, as i was her. Why is she scared of something so right and perfect. If its the age we can wait timm i turn 21. If its the sex, i wont hold out anymore. If its the people looking at us, saying that she doesnt deserve me, i will tell everyone of them to go fuck themselves. She does deserve me. she deserves every single piece of me. She the one. At firts i didnt believe it. God i admit, at first i wanted to date her to get over Ashley. But you saw, i immediatly grew to like her. and after 3 weeks, and going to Milwaukee i realized i needed her in my life. i need her more then life it self.



So please, God, Satin, Zeus, Hades, any spirit or god who wants to take up the challenge. Its open to everyone and anyone. The one who bring my love back to me gets my soul.

The crooked grin, and jagged fangs were the last things I saw before she perced the soft skin and warm pulsing heart of my body. The feeling was unexpected. A sense of understanding and completion ran threw my veins, penitrating my every organ, my every thought and memory. It was then that i realized that i would never be the same. Her lips, her eyes were all i now knew. My dreams were refilled with one dream, and one dream only. The dream of she and I together forever ran threw my mind constantly. I was paralized, left defenseless, with only her to protect me. The one person who paralized me was the one to protect me. The days we spent together were life changing, but it was the nights which gave us permission to act like who we really were. Hell was rocked and shaken by the frolic and recreation of our past time. Immortality seemed short when i was in her presence. The month seemed like days. Short, amorous, erotic days that i never wanted to end. But they did.



I felt my world end with every word from her mouth. My Pompeii world was rapidly and drasticly smothered by the ash of reailty and her cold, dead stare. My begging and pleading for her not to leave drained my undead body of life. There was nothing i could say or do that would change her mind. I tried to tell her my love for her (my teacher, my woman, my world) would end without her. But she didnt listen. "Im miserable" she bellowed, shattering my heart into tiny sharp pieces that cut throughout my entire body. She bite me once, giving me life. But damned me twice, forcing to me walk immotrality alone.



Oh but how i long to have her again. How i long for her to talk to me again. Say "hi, how are you." I damned myself by telling her i could not talk to her or be friends with her right now. I want to talk to her. I WANT HER BACK. I want to wake up at night and be lying next to her. I want to always see her beautiful grey eyes. I want to hold her forever, and tell her i will always be there for her. I want her to bear my child. I want her. She doesnt understand, i dont want anybody else. There is no one else for me. God made us, but Satin made us perfect for each other. I want to feel the gush of her blood on my lips and my heart again. I want to feel her teeth travel down my skin again. I want to be intertwined in her beauty. I want her to look at me like she use to. I want her to grab my neck and pull it to the side like she use to. I want her. "Most of all I longed for death. I know that now. I invited it. A release from the pain of living. My invitation was open to anyone. To the whore at my side, to the pimp that followed. But it was she that accepted." She killed my old life and replaced it with a new better one that involved her. I wish she would come back to me, approch me, and be mine again.

Why is falling in love so god damn hard. We all want to be loved by someone, and we all want to love someone.We all want to tightly hold that special someone, and be held tightly by them.



I met that special someone once, and we were deeply into each other. Her name was Ashley. we spent hours together talking about everything, and about nothing. Everytime i looked at her my heart warmed. She was my world, and my life. I wanted to spend immortality with her. Now im talking about a girl who i wasnt even dating at the time, we were just friends. But things started progressing, and our feelings for each other grew stronger. Halloween weekend last year i asked her out, ready to take our relationship to the next step. But she wasnt. She wanted to get to know me better. Hearing this devestated me. I felt, sadness, depressed, and angry. I thought she liked me like i liked her. I thought she wanted to take or relationship to the next step like i did. I was furious.



The next day a friend called me and asked me to come up to UVA that weekend. She said she hadn't seen me in a long time and wanted to. What happened next was the outcome of my angers decisons. I told Ashley i was planning to go up to UVA to see a female friend, thinking this would cause her to panic and go out with me. All she said was "ok have fun". Oh my anger level rose. When i got to UVA my friend was not there. I called her to see where she was, and she told me she was at home and that she forgot i was coming that weekend. What the fuck was happening to me. Why was this happening to me. I had just drove five hours to see this girl and she forgot i was coming. Luckily my brother lived an hour away so i went there to spend the night. Later that night Ashley called me and sarcastically asked how my visit went, and if i had sex with her. Again my anger controlled me. I told Ashley the girl was not there but i had sex with the roomate who had the same name. Ok i know that was a bad idea and i regret saying that. She didnt tell me but i knew she was upset. When i got back home, i saw Ashley monday and we argued about what i did. She kept on telling me she did not care what i did, but i knew otherwise. Finally my guilt was to much to bear and i tlod Ashley the truth.

Seeing her cry, and knowing that i was the cause, was the hardest thing i ever had to watch. She ment the world to me and single handedly i distroyed both hers and mine.



Shortly after, our talking shrinked and a hole in my heart grew. Months passed, then one day she contacted me and we started talking again. Though it wasnt the same, it was still something. After a two months that something started to change into nothing. Or friendship was scared by the pain i caused her. Soon the pain became too much to bear, and we stopped talking again. As an effort to fill a gapping hole, i started dating a girl named Amanda. She was great. She helped me forget about Ashley. I love her and she loved me, or so i thought. After a month of dating she ended it not giving me a reason why except that she still liked me. I lost it the hole that Amanda covered reopened into a creator. She left me devestated. I did not want to live anymore. The next week i was sitting on the floor of my room crying when i decided to end it. I took my knife and slid it down my arm. The glisening red blood was so beautiful. As i closed my eyes, Amandas face was the last thing i saw. When i woke up my dad was clutching my wrist yelling at my mom to call 911. I had failed at killing myself. When i think about it now I think i failed for a reason, because the next day Ashley texted me. We started talking again and i told her i tried to kill myself. She told me how much she was upset with me and how much she cared about me. Or friendship started again stronger then ever. After amonth i started feeling an attration to her again. I realized that the hole i tried to have amanda cover could not be. I realized that Ashley was the one I had been searching for all along. I realized i was in love with her. But things started happening. I started getting mixed singals from her. On one hand i think she liked me, i know she liked me. And on the other hand she would push me away. I didnt understand. I thought she liked me. In the end i realized she didnt. Who would. Who would want a suicidal, no one. Here i am falling, and the only one who can catch me does not want to. I see the ground coming closer.