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WEEEEEE I am in Brussels right now. The coourse is very tough... and we have only just started!



Guess where I am writing this from? A building belonging to the European Parliament! LOL.



Best disappear before someone inquires what the heck I am doing. It is pretty formal here. You can immagine.



Anyway, I am still alive and kicking... verrrry confused about trains and stuff though. I ll learn soon enough. Hopefully.

Here`s a last goodbye before I go. Am feeling very excited. Not to mentiont terrified! Hmmm, how about gauche and insecure while we`re at it? So many new things at the same time!



Bye bye VR. For a little while :)

For all those who may be interested, I am going abroad in a week and will be off the Rave for about 3 weeks, maximum 1 month. I don`t think I will be able to access the internet while I am away, and even if I am, I`ll be contacting my family and friends and not coming on the Rave most likely. I will miss this place tremenduously, but I`ll make a great comeback :)



To all my friends online (as well as in real life obviously) - I will miss you all terribly, but hey, it`s only for a few weeks! I`ll be back (this time... HA). In fact, I`ll be either hyper and VERRRRY happy or (most likely) depressed and suicidal.



Anyway, a special HUGGGG goes to my GM`s - Deathnitegrl, Chasmal and Serenity. As well as to sweet Blacksoulangel of course! To my sexylegs NFA - sweetheart, I know you are passing through a very difficult time right now, but PLEASE never forget that you ARE a truly wonderful person. I love you to bits, and don`t you let ANYTHING and ANYONE make you believe different. To TheCountofThirteen - I will miss you dear. You are passing through a difficult situation too, I hope everything goes well and that you will NOT forget me! (sniffles)



Fenris, qabbi - you know I am going to miss you. A LOT. *HUG* How will I pass through three weeks without biting you??? I really don`t know! LOL! Seriously, yesterday you said you were afraid I would forget you... as if! It`s far more likely that YOU will forget ME! Anyway, as I said, three weeks will fly don`t worry :) Plus you will hear me on the phone won`t you?



To all those other friends whom I haven`t mentioned... SEE YOU IN A MONTH!



TATA

XXX

So many places I will never see. So many people I will never meet. So many things I will never be. The links which bind my chains are frozen into a mobile indifference. Cutting into my skin. Unrepentant. Unforgiving. My wings are gone, yet they still hurt. I stiffle my sobs, looking at the blood-soaked feathers disintegrating underneath my feet. Plodding amongst the rubble of humanity, I wander, trying not to stare at the depraved mediocrity of life. Trying not to let the smirking puppets see me.



But a Masque, after all, can only cover so much.

Have you ever felt as if your mind had been raped? That is how I feel right now. SHIT!!!



DAMN IT HOW I HATE YOU! YOU HEAR ME!??



I HATE YOUR FUCKEN GUTS!!! OSTJA!!!



I can`t wait to get out of this damn hellhole. I`ll do anything I have to, ANYTHING to leave this bloody place. To leave this bloody house. SHIT SHIT SHITTTTT!!!



I don`t know what to do, simply no idea. Can`t think straight right now. Don`t want to talk to anyone or do anything except perhaps scream my head off. Only I can`t even do that!! SHIT SHIT SHIT!! GODDESS WHAT AN ASSHOLE!!!



So THAT was the 'proof' he was talking about!!! Damn it!!! Why did I ever take those fucken pictures??!! Isn`t there ANY place where I can simply be ME???



Anyway, I can`t bear to look anyone in the face right now. Have decided to delete my slideshow. And I don`t want to hear any complaints or comments please!!! At least I`m leaving the other pics... I have a very strong temptation to just erase Masque from this fucken site, from this fucken world really. And no I`m not listening to Linkin Park... I`m too angry to feel suicidal... so you can immagine.



Damn it! I can`t think stright! And I don`t care if I`m exagerating! I had honestly thought I had found a little piece of the world where I could just be myself, seems I was wrong. The worse is, I can`d do or say anything to show that I know. And he`ll continue to see everything cause I tried changing the bloody situation and couldn`t...



I don`t even have the energy to try and get drunk... shit.



I`m offline and lurking and will continue to be like this for some time. Don`t want to speak with anyone. ANYONE. Damn him to everlasting hell!



Is it any surprise that I don`t trust anyone, when I can`t even trust my own father?

So many things converging on me, all from different directions. I can`t cope... drowning in a pool of sorrow and confusion. Who is that girl in the mirror? Is she the voice in my head? Is the dream dead or am I awake? Passing lights make me shiver - I just don`t understand. Don`t know what I want any more. Chaos clouds my brain as thorns sting from every direction.



How can anyone understand me when I don`t even understand myself?