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Masque's Journal


Masque's Journal

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22 entries this month
 

As the Wheel Turns... Lughnasadh

21:40 Jul 30 2007
Times Read: 643


Lughnasadh[credits]

by Half Wolf





Lughnasadh (pronounced Loo-nas-ah), August 1st, is the first harvest festival in the Celtic and Neo-Pagan Year. Like all Celtic Fire Festivals, it begins on the eve of the actual day. Although it later became known as Christian Lammas, it still survives in modern Gaelic as Lunasa (Irish), Luanistyn (Manx), Lunasad (Scottish) and Calan Awst (Welsh); with the exception of the Welsh, these are literally month names for August. Lammas stems from the Anglo-Saxon word meaning "loaf mass" since bread was made from the first grain and was offered at mass. Lugh was an important solar deity to the ancient Celts whose name means "shining one" and nasad is a tribal gathering for fairs and games.



Lugh is also known as a god of grain and harvest who dies annually with the reaping of the crop. He is the warrior of light inextricably bound with the Earth Goddess and must enter her dark womb to be reborn in the spring; thus conquering darkness. He is known as Lugh (Irish and Scottish), Lugus (Gaul) and Lleu (Welsh). He is Sam Ildanach, "master of all skills" and is much like the Roman Mercury. Many qualities of Lugh lived on in later tales of King Arthur as Lancelot.



Lughnassadh pays tribute primarily to Tailltui in Irish beliefs. She is Firbolg princess and Lugh's foster mother who died after clearing all the plains of Ireland for cultivation. Tradition holds that if the faire and games are not held in her honor, Lugh would take vengeance upon the crops in his grief.



Although the day is centered around the god Lugh, Lughnassadh is heavily associated with the Goddess of Sovereignty. Sovereignty has always been linked with the horse in Celtic beliefs. In the Coligney Calendar this period falls between Equos, meaning "horse time" and Elembrios meaning "claim time". Two Goddesses who are equated with sovereignty and horses are Rhiannon and Epona; both appear to stem from the Gaulish word rigantona meaning "great queen". It was the time of the Wedding Feast of Kingship, Banais Rigi, the king's marriage to the land, and he must receive his power from the Goddess to rule. In this, it better represents the ancient meaning of the day of Lugh in his guise as King. Other goddesses are a part of Lughnassadh who represent cultivation, birth and trials by ordeal. Macha is much like Tailltui in that she died after attempting to accomplish a great feat; racing on foot against a team of horses. Also remembered this day are Carmen and Tea.



The Tailltean Games of Ireland took place on Lughnassadh. Many ancient sports and athletic contests were held such as horse races, chariot races, footraces, driving cattle, hurley, Irish football, and sword-play. The games held at Tailltean were considered to be the "Irish Olympics". The competitions, be they athletic or bardic, were often initiations. Many traditional contests of the faire later served to make the winners more attractive to potential marriage partners. There was also singing, storytelling, folk and sword dancing as part of the festivities.



Lughnassadh celebrates not only the fertility of the field; it is tied to marriage and fertility rites celebrating Lugh and his bride. Trial marriages of a year and a day, also known as Brehon Marriages, were performed. In the Orkney Isles, young men and women chose "brothers" and "sisters" to lie with them for the night alongside the grain. Mountains and hills were the place of choice for lovers. One peak called Snaefell became notoriously known for the indecent behavior of the people who climbed it during Lammas. The term Tailten marriage has survived to modern times - referring to a casual love affair.



At Lughnasadh many grains, seeds, herbs and fruits can be harvested and dried for later use through the remaining year. Corn is one of the vital crops harvested at this time. Corn dollies are fashioned in the shape of Goddess and God. In some areas the sacrifice of the corn king (corn dolly) is performed. Death and rebirth are a vital part of the cycle Lugh journeys in his mating with the Earth Goddess, during the waning year.



The Goddess oversees the festival in her Triple guise as Macha. She presides in her warrior aspect, the crow that sits on the battlefields awaiting the dead. She is the Crone, Maiden and Mother, Anu, Banbha, and Macha; she conveys the dead into the realm of the deceased. For Lughnasadh, is a festival of not only life and bounty, but of harvest and death, the complete cycle of life.



In myth, Macha is forced, while heavy with child, to race against the King of Ulster's horses. She wins the race and gives birth to twins, and cursed the men of Ulster with the pains of labor when they most need their strength. She becomes the Queen of Ulster through battle for seven years. Her fortress in Ulster is known as the Emain Macha and its otherworldly form known as Emania, the moon Goddess' realm of death.



Without successes and a thriving personal harvest we will not have the fundamentals we need to continue our work on all levels. Our path is one of service, as a religious rite, as an active devotion to the Goddess & God, from which we receive as well as give. Our actions and deeds are the magic by which we cast the circle of our lives ö we give and we receive, which allows us to give again. This is the cycle of the Sacred Life, which we celebrate and honor at Lughnasadh. We dance and contemplate, reap and distribute, rejoice and reflect upon on this the first harvest in the Wheel of the Year.



We, as members of the Universe and children of the Mother, trust in sharing in the benevolence of Her Love. For ours is the Mother, who nurtures and loves Her children, sharing her bounty and joy. Prosperity is not amassing and hoarding a great profusion of assets. Prosperity is having more than what is essential and never having less than we need. We, through the celebration of the Wheel, understand the abundance and magnanimity of the Universe and celebrate, recognize, and honor this.



Blessed Lughnasadh!





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Ad Infinitum?

20:29 Jul 30 2007
Times Read: 646


What is time? Mainly people tend to picture time as being linear. As if there was a beginning and an end - the present being in the middle, the past behind us and the unknown future in front of our uncomprehending stupid faces.



Life is like a circle; turning round and round. The seasons, the patterns, the feelings. Is time a circle? Was space formed with the big bang? Expanding ad infinitum until there`s no more place for the void to go to, then retracting back - sucked into a new non-existence? Will life as we know it turn back someday? Will we re-live life backwards; first dying as wizened old cadavers, getting younger and younger with the passing of the years? Only to end in birth?



Or is time made up of layers upon layers? Like many different coloured soft papers juxtaposed one over the other in alignment? Molded carbon copies with no difference at all? Was there another me, as confused and weird as I am, alive a hundred... five hundred... one thousand years ago... is that what re-incarnation is then? The same soul making the same mistakes, going around in circles?



Asking the same ignorant pointless questions?



LOL



Maybe I`m just bored... nothing new there...


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Darn

20:19 Jul 30 2007
Times Read: 647


Over him my ass...


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Nothing Provokes

11:42 Jul 29 2007
Times Read: 653


Now that ceaseless exposure has calloused us to the lewd and vulgar, it is instructive to see what still seems wicked to us. What still slaps the clammy flab of our submissive consciousness hard enough to get our attention?



--- Thomas Harris`s 'Hannibal'


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Better and better

11:51 Jul 28 2007
Times Read: 657


Lol ok I`m definitely off him now. And about bloody time too. Especially as he`s going off country for a year in around a month, so dating him on and off makes less sense then ever... except for amusement`s sake of course. That`s always welcome :-)


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Erebus Odora

21:02 Jul 26 2007
Times Read: 660


This moth is a member of the family Noctuidae, the largest family within the order Lepidoptera (the Insect order comprised of Butterflies and Moths), with more than 2900 species in U.S. and Canada. One in four North American Lepidopterans is a Noctuid.



Other common names for the Black Witch moth are: La Sorcière Noire (French) and Mariposa de la Muerte (Spanish).







The Black Witch has a fascinating cultural as well as natural history. Known in Mexico by the Indians since Aztec times as mariposa de la muerte (butterfly of death). When there is sickness in a house and this moth enters, the sick person dies. (Hoffmann 1918) A variation on this theme heard in the lower Rio Grande Valley (Southmost Texas) is that death only occurs if the moth flies in and visits all four corners of one's house.



Merlmn & Vasquez (2002) point out that the number four is important in Mesoamerica because of its relationship with the four cardinal directions (east, west, north and south). The moth was known among the Mexicans as Micpapalotl, the butterfly of death. In Mesoamerica, from the prehispanic era until the present time nocturnal butterflies have been associated with death and the number four.



In some parts of Mexico, people joke that if one flies over someone's head, the person will lose his hair. Still another myth: seeing one means that someone has put a curse on you!



In Hawaii, Black Witch mythology, though associated with death, has a happier note in that if a loved one has just died, the moth is an embodiment of the person's soul returning to say goodbye.



On Cat Island, Bahamas, they are locally known as Money Moths or Moneybats, and the legend is that if they land on you, you will come into money.



Similarly in South Texas if a Black Witch lands above your door and stays there for a while you would win the lottery!



Note: the Black Witch moth does not bite, sting, nor carry diseases. It has only a straw-like proboscis or tongue to drink flower nectar through. It is perfectly harmless though it might cause one to be quite startled if flushed from its daytime hiding place.





Black witch on my wall

do you bring death or good luck?

or just soft wing-dust



upon my fingers

as i gently shoo you out

into the dark night?



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ARGHHHH

20:09 Jul 25 2007
Times Read: 667


Why do I feel such a bloody mess every time he starts talking about the girl he`s dating? I encourage him to go out and stuff... as any good friend should... yet when he does I feel awful... *sigh*



And NO I am not in love with him! I guess its because before, we were alone togather... now I am alone ALONE... sounds terribly mean I know. I should be happy for him... and I AM... but... I can`t help feeling like this either...



And if he starts giving me details of their private life I`ll just SCREAM!!!


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Pandemic

22:00 Jul 23 2007
Times Read: 669


When a thing or a person becomes 'the past' we tend to remember either the black or the white. Not both. It`s either a question of being sorry for what we have lost, or one of regretting not to have done something differently. If we remember the dark, we usually blame someone else for something which should not have happened. If we remember just the white, ergo all that was good, without thinking about the bad times - we generally end up by blaming ourselves.



And even though I am pretty aware that no one is totally black or totally white, totally made up of darkness or of light... I still end up falling into this most stupid of traps.



Once again, I remembered the white, and enclosed the blackness into a tight little box hidden underneath my bed... only, now I`ve remembered... and I swear I`ll keep that in mind... the fact that no one, NO ONE is free from that disease called 'Assholeism'...



LOL


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Definitely not the wine... or...

11:51 Jul 22 2007
Times Read: 674


Am I using the 'I can`t help myself' excuse again? Why do we do something we know is of detriment to us, against our bitter judgement? Is it self-torture? Sadism? Or just pure stupidity? Pehaps I`m making to much of it really. The point is, this is not the first time. I`ve already made this mistake once. You think I`d have learnt something... but noooo here we go again with the bloody same person.



Is my mind just gaga or what?


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Proudly Loony

07:47 Jul 21 2007
Times Read: 678


And finally, the last installment of the Harry Potter series is out!! I`ve waited for YEARS to see how this will end. The movie was both a disappointment and a revelation in that it was too short, left a lot of stuff out, and distorted important facts, however it also gave me certain insights on the characters that I didn`t fully appreciate in the books. As such it was more like a complimentary piece to the book than a stand alone movie. People who haven`t read the book and followed the story closely won`t understand a whole lot.



What I can say is that after watching the movie I was really exhilarated cause I felt that awesome effervescence and happy frivolity of youth again (lol now I sound like a decrepit old woman... hehe). There`s a lot to say for being childish... and I must say I love feeling like that.



Anyways, gotta go buy the book in an hour... can hardly wait!


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2+2

19:14 Jul 18 2007
Times Read: 691


So many bits and pieces of me floating around. Sometimes, certain parts fly so far away from the main being that I forget about them entirely... then something happens, perhaps even something stupid, and they come swiftly spinning back.



Like a boundless jigsaw puzzle. Pieces are always being added. Some are forgotten or hidden until they can be found again. Some (unfortunately or fortunately, depending) are lost.



And so, what are we but the sum of our experiences and the influences around us? Do two and two make four? What about individuality? Does it exist or not? Is it an illusion or just the residue of a dream?



The puzzle is never completed. The riddle never solved. The questions never answered. Which is more important, the ending or the journey itself? Pehraps they are one and the same.


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See Who I Am

20:30 Jul 16 2007
Times Read: 708


Further on my entry 'Windowpanes' I remembered this song. Even though Within Temptation is one of my fav bands, I am not overly familiar with this one. But, as always, it is quite good.





Is it true what they say,

Are we too blind to find a way?

Fear of the unknown cloud our hearts today.

Come into my world,

See through my eyes.

Try to understand,

Don't want to lose what we have



We've been dreaming

But who can deny,

It's the best way of living

Between the truth and the lies



See who I am,

Break through the surface.

Reach for my hand,

Let's show them that we can

Free our minds and find a way.

The world is in our hands,

This is not the end.



Fear is withering the soul

At the point of no return.

We must be the change

We wish to see.

I'll come into your world,

See through your eyes.

I'll try to understand,

Before we lose what we have.



We just can't stop believing

cause we have to try.

We can rise above

Their truth and their lies.



See who I am,

Break through the surface.

Reach for my hand,

Let's show them that we can

Free our minds and find a way.

The world is in our hands,



See who I am,

Break through the surface.

Reach for my hand,

Let's show them that we can

Free our minds and find a way.

The world is in our hands,

This is not the end.



I hear the silence

Preaching my blame.

Will our strength remain

If their power reigns?



See who I am,

Break through the surface.

Reach for my hand,

Let's show them that we can

Free our minds and

find a way.

The world is in our hands,



See who I am,

Break through the surface.

Reach for my hand,

Let's show them that we can

Free our minds and

find a way.

The world is in our hands,



this is not the end,


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Echoes

20:01 Jul 16 2007
Times Read: 710


I wonder why I miss you so much. We never knew each other, not in real life, even though we met a couple of times. I had told myself I would cut off our friendship - we were too different, and yet too similar (we both grumbled too much too)... but now I wonder. What`s changed? Why have you just disappeared? I know it`s not something I said... I`ve been pissed off at you lately for talking so much about a certain person... jealous perhaps? I don`t know... I just know I didn`t realize how much I had started to count on you until last weekend. When I needed you - and you were not there.



Stupid me. I`ve learnt now. Don`t worry - I`ll be distant yet friendly from now on. Just an acquaintance. Can`t bare you seeing me as an imposition, so invisibility is the rule.


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Windowpanes

13:50 Jul 16 2007
Times Read: 716


The different ways people see life, the world, others and themselves never cease to amaze me. Even though, sometimes, it irritates me too. People tend to misunderstand each other so much that it`s a wonder there are no more wars blowing the place up.



Why do we keep on doing that to each other? I guess neutrality doesn`t really exist and though we may say we are purists in thought, that we are not biased in any way and that we do not judge anyone - well, what is that but hypocrisy? I have studied the human brain, I know how it works (in a general way I admit - I`m not a lawyer or a politician... Goddess forbid) and that it is inherent in human nature to classify things in order to understand them better. That is why we tend to group people into categories. So, saying one is totally free of prejudice is just a stupid attempt at denying one`s nature.



That however, does not mean I like it when people assume I am something I am not. For example, why do people keep trying to tell ME who and what I MYSELF am?? I just don`t get it. They can tell me what I look like from their perspective. Not what I actually am.



So, what brought on this tirade of grumbling? Lol. A week ago a friend of mine said something which made me realize he didn`t know me at all... or rather, that his impression of me was totally wrong. Just now, someone else (female this time... you`d thing she`d know better) tried to 'define' what I was (again, another poor soul who does not realize that it is impossible for an individual to be subjective) ... pleaseeee... how can you try and 'define' someone??



And here, once more, I come to one of my favourite dilemmas... who are we really? Which is the true image - the way we see ourselves, or the way others see us? An amalgamation of the two or neither?



Damn 'Sophie`s World' and damn free lessons. That bloody book opened too many avenues of thought for comfort.


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Hidden Entries

09:47 Jul 15 2007
Times Read: 726


On another note, I`d like to thank DNG for voicing certain sentiments of mine in her journal entries. The ones regarding Obsessive Compulsory Disorder Victims are my favourites. LMAO!!!



Ah the things I find amusing nowadays are beyond me... so many hypocritical assholes on such a little island... its a wonder the place is still afloat...



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Mutation

09:05 Jul 15 2007
Times Read: 729


How is it possible for anyone to change so much in a year? Yesterday I truly realized how different a person I`ve become from the one I was last Summer. I don`t feel connected to the friends I had, I don`t feel any link to the things I used to do - and I don`t miss it. Another persona has emerged from the same body. Cradling me like a cacoon my old self looks at me from the mirror, cold eyes glowering at my unchanged reflection... and yet... and yet...



What brought it on, this transfiguration of the spirit? It all started last October, when I went to live abroad for three weeks. Three weeks are a relatively short time, but it made a lot of difference. I learned to grit my teeth and fight with tooth and claw to carry on. I learnt what it is like to have no one at all in the world to help you. I learnt what it is to have worked and strived only to fail... AND SURVIVED. Nothing can compare to that. When I came back, I was changed. A lot. My second trip brought me to the edge of sanity. I never felt so lost in my life - literally and mentally. Having gotten through that, nothing was the same again. I wasn`t the same. Any sense of shyness or fear I might have had has long since disappeared now. Along with certain feelings and inconsistencies.



Oh I`m not saying I don`t have my bad moments - that I`m not confused, uncertain or unhappy. Far from it. However now I see most things more clearly. I still don`t know exactly what I want from life, or how to get there. But I think now at least I know what I DON`T want.



I don`t want to spend my life asking myself what might have been if I had made that single step, said that certain word, which could have made a difference. I never want to loose another opportunity for fear of trying. I don`t care if I make an ass of myself or what people in general think of me. What matters most is what I myself think of me.



Realizing that is, perhaps, what has changed me most.


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Some advice

23:28 Jul 11 2007
Times Read: 742


Gah, never EVER send sms`s to your ex when you`re drunk (and consequently pissed off)...



*sigh*


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Quaint and Curious Studies of the Hypocritical Maltese Male

19:16 Jul 10 2007
Times Read: 759


This common beast, usually found in Maltese cities, towns and villages, generally amuses himself by trying to take in, betray, or otherwise merely irritate females of any species and by competing with others of his own kind. Although younger specimens tend to form herds, the older Hypocritical Maltese Male (which I will herefore refer to as the HMM) tends to graze alone, as in maturity his hardened skin and violent temperament makes it impossible for other males to come into close contact with said creature.



The HMM can behave quite normally in various circumstances, however certain key phrases or kinds of behaviour in females can trigger what is normally called the 'Wanker Syndrome'. This consists of an irritating chase by this most-common monster after what he considers fair prey. Emitting shrill sounds and incomprehensible babble, the creature mimes other kinds of species (like the Boy-Next-Door, the Best-Friend or the Interested-Party) in order to get closer to his prey.



This soporiphic beast (generally HMM`s are quite pathetic and may hypnotize other species unto sleep) is notably immature and vague - uttering phrases like 'I think you`re boring but I like you', or 'I missed you but I think we`d better not see each other any more', even speaking repeatedly of other girls while claiming not to be interested in them or obviously disliking you and denigrating your friends while saying you`re 'interesting' and having an 'elastic mind' (whatever that means).



Monotonous and half-blind, the adoloscent HMM likes to drink and smoke a lot, focus on general trends, has a long mane (sometimes sporting different colours) and use words like 'cool' and 'man' a lot. When older, he tends to pose and preen, uttering philosophical sounds and sometimes even parading his own vanity as if it were an immortal crown.



In conclusion, this species, which unfortunately is multiplying rapidly, is not at all dangerous, especially to females, who can readily find an important source of amusement in this jurassically stupid being. Young and naive females usually tend to take HMM`s seriously, however, in time, any kind of species realizes that in reality HMM`s are nature`s clowns, and, with a pinch of salt and a weary smile, looks down at these poor idiotic creatures and treats them as they merit.


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What I`ve Done

19:29 Jul 09 2007
Times Read: 772


I don`t know what happened Saturday. I don`t know if you told the truth when you said you cared, that I`d hurt you, that you`d missed me. It doesn`t feel as if you did. As such, I just don`t know what I want. Or what you want for that matter. I only know that I am sorry of the way I treated you before. If it`s any consolation, you hurt me too.



These lyrics are more true than you could possibly know. They are how I feel about you right now. Only perhaps, you will never know. Nor care at all.





In this farewell

There’s no blood

There’s no alibi

‘Cause I’ve drawn regret

From the truth

Of a thousand lies



So let mercy come

And wash away

What I’ve done



I’ve faced myself

To cross out what I’ve become

Erase myself

And let go of what I’ve done



Put to rest

What you thought of me

Well I cleaned this slate

With the hands

Of uncertainty



So let mercy come

And wash away

What I’ve done



I’ve faced myself

To cross out what I’ve become

Erase myself

And let go of what I’ve done



For what I’ve done

I’ll start again

And whatever pain may come

Today this ends

I’m forgiving what I’ve done



I’ve faced myself

To cross out what I’ve become

Erase myself

And let go of what I’ve done



What I’ve done

Forgiving what I’ve done


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Awesome Article

19:56 Jul 08 2007
Times Read: 787


Oh but this is precious! I just couldn`t not put it in here, even though I have not written it. I agree with it hundred percent. Lol, looking at the different types of 'Goth' she mentions I realized I knew most of them, and that she was most funnily and exuberantly right.



As for me... you are wondering what kind of a Goth i am? Well first of all most people don`t think I`m a Goth, mostly because I don`t dress like one most of the time... I have this weird preconception that being Gothic has almost nothing to do with clothing and all to do with an outlook on life... Secondly, I cannot be classified. So there...



Anyway - here is what I`m talking about. The actual article is at Witchvox.





Teen Goths, Vampires, and Pagans- "A Bad Name!!"

by Weeping Star

Email: starrywisp@hotmail.com



How many times have I seen it?



In chat rooms, on message boards; the following, or some other, perhaps more disturbing variation on it: "We don't need those freaks! They give the normal ones of us a bad name!" Of course, 'those freaks' is a reference to Goths.



Well, as a Goth, I must say in rebuttal:



Get over it.



Goth is a style of dress, a way of looking at the world, and attitude, a lifestyle. It's a fringe element, to be sure, but like Paganism, is not harmful, merely misunderstood. Perhaps you will take a little time to understand it, yes?



Excellent!



There are several different kinds of Goths. There is the type I am firmly set in, the Shadowy Aristocrat. Dressed in our ruffles and lace, we set the definition for affected snobbery. In essence, we have a thing for black antique clothes and being elitist jerks. What else would you expect from noblemen?



Then there is the Angst-Filled Poet. This poor waif is unable to escape her own pain and suffering at the hands of every aspect of the world, and sets forth her travails in elegant rhymeless verse. She wears a lot of black because "it is the colour of her soul." Ah, drama! Often seen carrying a large black book of blank pages, filled in with many angsty poems about the ending of love and the death of her own soul. Don't say the word "masochist" around her unless you enjoy her withering glares and her muttering, "Ignorant philistine, " under her breath.



And then there's the Mansonite. These are the people that are convinced Marilyn Manson is God and would display his message of individuality by dressing just like him. Most of the rest of us disavow these fellows as "fakes, " "poseurs, " and "wannabes." In fact, many Goths despise Mr. Manson for any number of reasons. And then some of us like or at least tolerate him.



Ah, yes, who could forget "le monsieur de Lioncourt, " the people that are possessed of the notion that everything in Rice's Vampire Chronicles is incontrovertible fact, or that White Wolf's Vampire: the Masquerade is just too cool to be made up. Look for strange sigils denoting clan affiliation and lots and lots of ankhs.



But, all joking aside, there is one thread that runs through all of these facetious "types" I have just detailed. That thread is a fascination with darkness, and the beauty that lies therein. It is a beauty so many miss, just as radiant as any spawned of the light. It is romanticism and drama that draw most of us to being Gothic, and these are what we are striving after. Class, dignity, elegance, romance, chivalry, and love are important to the Goth. We look to bygone eras for both our clothes (albeit with twentieth century couteur) and our attitudes.



We are not going to give Paganism a bad name. Many of us are not even affiliated with Paganism, but Christianity, Buddhism, and Atheism/Agnosticism. These four seem to be the major faiths adhered to, except amongst Mansonites, where there is an inordinate amount of Satanism (such as they practice it). We are different. We don't dress in normal clothes all the time. Sometimes, of course, the makeup comes off and the cloaks go in the closet, but we retain our Gothicness in our attitude.


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Applause?

17:42 Jul 04 2007
Times Read: 803


Most people are always waiting for tomorrow. Always thinking that in future, they`ll do that thing they want to do, go to that certain special place they always wanted to go to, buy that certain nick nack they always yearned for, just for the pleasure of owning it... individuals sometimes leave everything for the last minute, saying that SOMEDAY, SOMEHOW they`ll achieve what they want... the point is, LIFE IS SHORT. Ergo, we should make the most of it NOW, and not wait and hoard sensations for an unknown tomorrow.



I too was one of those people, mired in conventions, afraid of reaching out and just grabbing at my dreams. Thankfully, I am changing. I used to burden myself with things and with people whom I didn`t want, merely because I couldn`t bother to get rid of them - that isn`t true any more. If something or someone gets on my nerves... BANG it`s over. At least I got that part. Now comes the part where I`m not afriad to just GO FOR IT. In every aspect of life.



Right now for example, I`ve heard there`s a group of people teaching Medieval Sword Fighting, which I`ve always wanted to learn. It is a bit expensive and I don`t know the details, however I`m thinking of joining. Even though, in theory that is, I keep telling myself not to let any chance or anything I want go by, in practice, things are quite different. I am still not quite there.



I have not become who I want to be, who I`ve always wanted to be... but... I believe I am getting there.



In the end, we are our only lifelong audience. So, if we not only like, but simply ADORE the play we are watching... that means we are living life as we want to live it.


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Relaxing in Lazy Bliss

18:47 Jul 02 2007
Times Read: 813


The sun beats down upon the white wet tiled floor. A heavy hammer of sweat and fractured light. I float around the pool surrounded by friends and hugged by the beautiful voice of the now almost forgotten Tarja as she sings the high notes of 'Dark Chest of Wonders'. A couple of friends call me back to reality as they offer scrumptious glasses of punch... a wonderful concotion of ice cream, port and vodka. I sit down, feet dangling in the pool, and dip marshmallows into the glass. Pure bliss. Someone else brings crisps and we munch away and talk about music and the psychosis behind Hannibal Lecter`s behaviour. Somone promises to lend me the books... ahhhhh



I think this has been my most relaxing weekend ever... I am really happy to say that I have wonderful people as friends too. They all have their own problems, yet never loose that certain outlook on life which make them what they are.



Thanks guys *huggggggssss*


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