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I realize I haven't written in my journal for ages. Having finally gotten bored of VR, I am considering leaving it altogather. MY PM expires in 4 days and I am not going to renew it. I loved 3 things about this site. The friends I had, the profile and the journal. Most of the people I knew are gone now. The journal could be any journal, and the pro is about to go. So... no point in staying on right?



We'll see.



I've never taken part into the backbiting stuff which goes on in Covens and Houses, or between members for that matter. If someone tries to fuck with me, I ignore them. They're usually pathetic assholes who are beyond my notice anyway. That's all there is to it.



Right now I'm kind of focusing on work/friends/studies... yes I decided I'm going to go for it and apply for my Masters Degree in English Literature. The course is very expensive, it will last three years and I'll be working full time the whole time too - so quite tough. But I want it... so I'll do my best I guess. Or try to. Yup I'm stubborn :-)

It is dark. Inside and out. Bodies press and crush me, squeezing me in a corner. Heads bang in unison to the rythm of a maniacally attractive electric guitar. Corrosive in its malinconic fervour. The thumping grabs at my heart and I find myself holding my head and giving it all I can.



For a while...



After a bit, I end up staring at the people around me, trying to understand what makes them the way they are. Trying to understand why I feel so different, even though I may look part of it all. I feel lost. I feel empty. I feel - nothingness.



Later, we go to our usual haunt, and I look into space and drink vodka, putting up my legs on a stool and saying I'm 'tired'... yes I'm tired of this pointless life, tired of not knowing what I want, tired of the fear that there is nothing more to it at all really.



Tired of asking myself what on earth is wrong with me and why I cannot be as happy as other people seem to be.