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Wasting my life. Wasting my time. As youth slowly slips away and dreams are lost forever.



Reality is hard to behold. I shiver in despair and cry: 'Where is that girl who used to believe in unicorns?'

When was the last time you felt like slitting your wrists?



Huh, this morning?



Seriously?



Yes. Seriously.

All I feel is emptiness. My life is void. My heart is darkness. My spirit is dead.



Nothingness.

My mind is in a vacuum. It has been torpid and numb for as long as I can remember. Perhaps it will always be.



It wasn`t always like this. I am sure it wasn`t. And yet, I do not know what to do to snap out of it. I have been saying I want to change for years, and here I am an now, changed it`s true - but still the same as regards my inability to express my burning core. Is it better this way? Stiffled by an uncaring society and inconsequential hatred I plod on amongst the avenues of my twisted stupid life. All a lie. That will surely never change.



The gap is so big. A chasm. The difference between how I am and how others percieve me (or to be honest, how I let myself be percieved) is enormous. Impossible to fathom. Hopeless to try and penetrate the facade. Not even I know the full extent of my duplicity. But I am learning. Slowly.



The worst, perhaps, is that I like it.