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The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.



The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.





The local paper read:



PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.





The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.





The next day the local paper headline read:





BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.



This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.





The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.



The local paper, hearing of the news,



Posted the following headline:





NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.





The Bishop fainted.





He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.





The next day the headlines read:





NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.





This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.



The next day the headlines read:



NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS



IS WILD AND FREE.





Alas . The Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL OF THE STORY???





Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.





So, be yourself and enjoy life.





Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.

Sometimes I`ve got the impression that I`m the only living creature in the whole wide world. There are other moving objects, but those are merely mindless puppets jerking on an invisible string. Caught unawares I may look idiotic - what is appearance but a mask of quivering flesh after all? But, as I always say, appearances are much more than deceiving. They are a much needed hiding place for the spirit.



Caught in a mesh of dreams and bad intentions gone good, what can I do but wander on, bereft of a heart to put into words? Solitude apart, I have no real companioin, friend or otherwise. I never had. I never will. Mostly because I do not truly want anyone. Oh I may amuse myself from time to time, even almost kid myself that I have changed, but I never really do. I was born a lonely soul, and some things - for better or worse - are unchangeable.



That being said, I do not think I am really so melodramatic; sarcastic and pessimistic most likely. I`ve met people like me from time to time but usually they are older, disillusioned with life, and have some major reason for being the way they are. As for me, I can almost see the turning point between childish hope and hopeless emptiness. Almost. but I cannot find a reason for it. What happened to make me go so cold?



Was it the realization of the pointlessness of it all?

Listen to it - the beat. It drums through all things; thumping with the heart, thrilling through the trees, pumping the blood in the veins, in the cadence of a voice, the rhytm of the dance, the beating of the drums. All of it flows throughout the beat, all creatures, all nature, all the universe. So dance - dance along with the stream of passionate life. Listen to the beat and BE.



Yesterday was one of the most amazing evenings of my life. I attended, I think, the most awesome and moving gig I`ve ever been to. I`ve discovered an awesome band; one which I couldn`t have imagined would touch me in that way. It`s a tribal band, and its sound brought out the most primordial need in me... the need to DANCE.



For me, dance has always meant freedom. I`ve never leart dancing at a special school, never taken lessons, that defies my whole concept of dancing. Dancing is not structured. It cannot be thought. It is not a technique. It is a way of expression. I dance what I feel, when I feel like it, to what I want.



And yesterday I danced... oh boy! Not only did I dance... I jumped, I gyrated my hips, swung my hands wildly, shouted myself hoarse, and let everything go. I was so happy! I hadn`t enjoyed myself like that in ages. And the most wonderful thing was that everyone else felt the same! It was pure unmitigated release! Euphoria! Poeple were jumping, shouting, laughing, dancing with strangers... everyone felt it, the need to embrace life in the most primordial way imaginable. Letting go of today`s constructed thoughts and being what we once were.



A tribe.



The vocalist was like a shaman; dressed in warpaint and rags. There were strange instruments (amongst which were the didgeridoo, which is an Australian wind instrument, and the sitar, an indian instrument), a Peruvian flute player, jugglers, candles, fire-eaters... oh glory...



Sadly, this band will not be playing in Malta again this year cause they`ve got an extended contract to go work abroad for I don`t know how long... HOWEVER I can console myself with my CD which I bought right after the concert and which I managed to get signed by four of the five band members... YEEEHAAAA!



http://www.tribalimusic.com/

It is perfectly true that one never knows oneself totally. No matter how many times I think I`ve got me figured out, I either do something eminently stupid, or something flabbergastingly great.



THIS time, it was totally psychological and unlooked for, but it was exactly what I needed. I always knew I could manipulate my mind really easily, and consciously change my emotions - something people usually do unconsciously.



Point is... I told myself I needed to forget him because he`s an asshole (he really is! even though, I admit, quite a charming one)... and I DID!



It was really weird. Saturday evening I still liked him. A lot. Then we met up and chatted a bit, he went off with his friends, I went off with mine, got drunk, sent him sms`s, and told him to fuck off (my that was really funny...). On Sunday we chatted online like friends... but I DIDN`T FEEL ANYTHING!!! TOTALLY ERASED!!!



I was so surprised! And so PLEASED!



He leaves Sunday and I don`t give a damn! He thinks we`ll meet before he goes, but I honestly don`t think so...



Amazing.... me so happy with myself *pats herself on the head*... lol



Au Revoir mon cherie... :-)

FINALLY got my internet connection back... argh... it`s weird how much I missed being online... anyway...



Perhaps it was better that way. I`ve been pretty confused and miserable this past week and I`d proabaly have written loads of trash... as it is, I`m still confused and miserable, but I hope I`ll be able to avoid the temptation of writing it all down here.



All I can say is that the sooner he`ll leave the better for me cause maybe I`ll forget him and that will be it. Right now it`s Purgatory. I hope the adage 'Out of Sight. Out of Mind' really works. Each time I see him I want to say 'Don`t leave'... thank the Godess I have never said it. If I ever do, I couldn`t stand the shame of it.



Goddamit.

When we tell a lie for long enough, it starts becoming true. At first we strive to convince others, then we end up by convincing ourselves as well - until the lie is no longer a lie, but reality.



Is this bad or good? True, we can use this fact to our advantage in order to see the world in a better light perhaps. Or to make ourselves and others feel better in dark times. However it doesn`t seem right - after all we are just deceiving ourselves. At least at first.



But then, if the lie is no longer a lie - are we really?

Am I in denial? Is this the first time I`ve fallen in love, or just something I`m imagining? Do I feel like this only because I know it`s hopeless? Because he`s going away and I know nothing can come of it? Why does it hurt so much?



The worst is that he doesn`t care. Does he even realize? Do I want him to?



Perhaps it hurts less if he doesn`t know.

It is very important to have aims in life - targets to strive for - dreams to live for. Recently I was very confused about my own targets... to tell the truth I wasn`t sure I had any. But now, in the blinking of an eye, everything has solved itself, and I am really very very happy.



I know what I want now. What I will do. What to strive for.... more or less of course. It wouldn`t do to plan everything, becuase else life would not be very interesting.



Some time ago I had done an interview for a job I wanted very very much... and guess what? I CAME FIRST!!! MWUAHAHAHA! GO MASQUE!



So now I`ve got a stable job with a good wage and an interesting position. I can go on with my career from here if I choose. It could also be that the government will also pay for me to enter university for a diploma about webpublishing, which would further help my job, not to mention be very interesting. Then, after that`s over (at the time I would also increase in wage... not to mention having an extra bonus cause of my post-graduate degree), I`ll apply to take a Masters... don`t know if it will be abroad or in Malta.



Anyways... those are my plans. Obviously things may change, and I guess there will be obstacles in the way too... that`s the way it goes... but right now, the important thing is having done step one.... and being so HAPPY!!!



:-)



YAY FOR ME!