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2 entries this month
Fact Is Funnier Than Fiction
19:54 Mar 08 2012
Times Read: 764
~ The light at the end of the tunnel has been indefinitely turned off. Suck it up, and get over it.
~ Fall in love with your self-hatred. Everyone needs something to love.
~ My realization is becoming clearer and clearer that maybe a point to life is to keep going until we hate ourselves so much that we have as little dignity and therefore as few inhibitions as possible. Maybe then we can start to live.
~ How much do you enjoy depravation?
~ If there was an afterlife, I'd much rather be in hell.
~ Is it really that impossible to turn your mind off?
~ No matter how much you hate yourself there are still people who hate both you and themselves more.
.....and these are things I tell myself to keep what little sanity I have left.
It's times like these I learn to appreciate my self-deprecating sense of humor. It's also times like these I wonder how much is humor and how much is reality that I'm not afraid to admit.
New Light?
17:56 Mar 08 2012
Times Read: 716
I'm not one who is usually overly optimistic or not filled of suppressed anxiety.
After months void of dignity, severe self-loathing and feeling worthless though I'm starting to think there's a slight possibility that the broken light at the end of the tunnel has been replaced.
I've been such a nervous wreck this week that I didn't realize I had a test this morning, nor did I study for it. I was late to class so when I was informed of the test I automatically accepted that I probably wouldn't complete it.
I finished the test with 13 minutes to spare and made a 96, only missing two questions. (No, I didn't cheat.)
While this in no way means that I'm a newly awakened optimist, it did at least help me to feel slightly better, calmer and think that maybe I'm not as increasingly dead inside as I've been feeling.
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