The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I fill as thouh I have been forsaken by God.

As if he he never knew my name. As a child I did what I was told. I was a good child, and yet my life was a living hell. Every time my dad had a bad day at work , he would come home and take it out on me. Because my dad was a sorry parent I encountered death more then four times in my life. I was told that if you where good , good things would happen.

Well let me tell you that is a load of bull.

Some people should never been allowed to procreat. For they can not even take care of their selves, that includes my dad. He never wanted to grow up, to this day he still acts like life should be handed to him on a silver platter.

It seems as though life will never improve.

I some times wish that death would have taken me from this life. Then I would not have had to suffer so much in this life. But things do not always work out the way you think that they will.

I thought that I would still be able to walk, but no sir . Life just wants me to suffer.

I seem to spend more of my time thinking of all the things that I will never get to do.

I had planned to learn the tango, but not know.

Well I guess that is just the way my life will always be. Nothing ever going right.

Sometimes we think we have it all figured out.

But then something else happens . What do you do when your life does not go the way you expect it to happen. It seems the harder you try to make your life work something always pops up to bring you back down.

I keep telling myself that it is just life.

But some times I am just not sure. I thought that I knew what I wanted in my youth. But everything changed. Know I am not really sure what it is I want now. I use to want to be a writer or a dancer. But I do not seem to be good at either one any more. Maybe one day I will figure out what it is I really want.

There is noting like the feeling of being trapped in a cage with no escape. I have felt this way for a while . Waiting for a way to escape my own little hell. But it seems as though I do not get very far. It can get dark in your own mind when there is no one to entertain your thoughts.

Not listening when you should . All because you to scared to admit your lost , you fill all alone as if there is no one around. Lost in my own little nightmare with no escape, part of me wants out .

But the other part is so afraid that I will get hurt that I will not let anyone in for the fear of being forsaken again.

It is 11 days till my next birthday, I wish at least that I could have done more with my life by know.

But it just seems to stay the same. I fill as if it has all just been a big waste of time. I never traveled like I wanted to. I never learned to tango like I always wanted. Just a lot of broken dreams and lost wishes along the way.

I came across people from my youth , and they have done things with there lives. They had children got jobs to live a good life, where as most of my life I have been so sick trying to just make it one day at a time. It seems when it rains it pours. Every time I think that my health will get better something ealse happens. I just want something to go right for me once in this life, so I do not fill so worthless.