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I'm going to teach everybody something about knowing submissives, because a "Dom"on fetlife has pissed me off this morning.



Just because she's a sub, doesn't mean you can say hello by adressing her as "Sub."



That is rude. Submissive is not my name, it is my status. You use her name. Or she will get very angry.



And unless you own her, she doesn't owe you shit, so cut the entitlement act out before you address her, or you will probably suffer some serious wrath.

I completed the entirety of mod one of my course on my first day. Something tells me this course is going to be easy. Yay me!



You watch, Daddy's gonna be so proud of me.

I's such a smart cookie. :-D

Today I started my certificate three in hospitality.

Swanny/Princess is going to be a pastry chef.

Good practice for potions I guess, just kidding.

Wouldn't it be great to be able to put a binding spell in someone's wedding cake theme though?

Don't worry, I realize that's nonsensical.



I'm excited about how this seems like it's going to go though. I'm already done with section one and two of mod one, so I'm doing well considering it's all theory so far and I've only spent an hour and a half studying.



But, I'm on my way to the job I've always wanted, so yay me.



Vegetarianism is treating me well so far. It's hard though, as much as it breaks my heart how horribly the animals we eat are treated, I miss meat. But not enough to change my mind.



I will not support a system that abuses and then brutally kills innocent animals, I don't care how staple they were in my diet before. I'm stronger than this.



Anyway.....another happy day today. Life's good.

It's so crazy how you can think you are the one person who knows someone, and then you get told all the things you didn't know, and it just blows your mind.



I've been learning a lot about Daddy since the day before yesterday. And it is a hard thing to face, the knowledge that you knew very little.



But what I do know, is that my Daddy is one of the strongest people I've ever met. He has been through so much that could have killed him, if he were a weaker man. I do know that he isn't any less beautiful to me than he was before I knew these things. I do know that I am still just as lucky to have him right now, as I was three days ago. Just as in love.



I must be some kind of special in his eyes. For him to take such a risk in telling me, were he in love with a lessor woman than I, that is a very risky move. I'm not one of those women.



I feel far more loved today than I did three days ago. Much more important. It's a good feeling.

I learned some new things about my partner last night, and a little more today. It turns out we're all lucky that we ever met him. That some of what he's driven by might actually be fear of not being loved for who he is, and that for the most part, he can't actually help his behavior in certain areas.



There is only one thing anyone can do about these things and that's alleviate the fear. That's what I'm going to choose to do.



As for the rest I'm just going to have to do what I do best. Be brave. Wear the pain like a thread of pearls when I have to, and enjoy the moments where I don't. Cry, because sometimes this will be hard. Try not to voice it too often when I'm mad, because getting mad won't change anything. Not in a way that I'll find pleasing. But that's life. And just generally be grateful that I was ever able to love such a magnificent man.



I'm really worried about Switch. He's my mate. I'm so sad that he seems to have already given up. I wish I could do something to fix him, but I have no choice but to sit here powerlessly and accept whatever happens. I'm scared I'm going to lose my friend. Daddy says you should never give up, he's almost died before too, but we're lucky, and surgeons were able to fix Daddy.

I just hope the doctors can fix Switch. He's a sweet man, and fitting with the general life expectancy of a male, he has years for his life to turn around. I would like to be able to hear about him finding love one day.



Today I am extra grateful that none of the times I tried to commit suicide in my youth worked. (16 in total. 13 overdoses on prescription medication and three hangings.) I have four beautiful children, a new family, a small circle of good friends and a man I love dearly whom I would never have had the pleasure of meeting had any of them been a success. I'm so grateful, because my life isn't what it once was anymore. I am so grateful that whatever higher being saves lives, saved my Daddy so he could meet me.

It has one more job to do, and I'll be the happiest I've ever been. Save my mate Switch.

He was her favorite insanity, her drug of choice.

He intoxicated her, like a shotglass filled with sin and innocence. When she was with him, she was filled with such fire she felt as if, were she to expel it, she could burn the world and stand with his hand in hers watching the whole thing crash to embers. He brought to life desires within her that she couldn't contain. she ached, quivered, withdrew even, to one day feel the warmth and tenderness, pain and strength, of his hands on her body. His voice made every inch of her body come alive with desire. She would listen to it, and run her hand gently up her inner thigh with her eyes closed, envisioning him touching her with his hands the way he did with his words. Consume her the way he did when they spoke of such things. Oh, how her breath caught, and betwixt her thighs caught fire at the very thought of him there, touching, tasting, thrusting. Destroying her body for other men the way he had her heart and mind. She was fiercely his. Beyond all interception, all interruption, beyond all interference. She loved him with an uncontrollable fire, and no desire to douse the flame. She not only gave him the freedom to crucify her, she handed him the nails and she begged him for it.

She was sure that if the day came that he touched her, she would be lost to the concept of denying him anything, ever. She was already long lost to the concept of loving another. He had already taught her mind to scoff at the idea. He had taught her heart to be incapable of living without him. Taught her body to crave her most wanton desires in his presence. That if it were to feel sated, it would be because of his touch or her own. She could not help herself but to provoke some sort of touch, some manner of provocative desires from him wherever possible.



She had lost control of herself. He had it now.

All of it. And she didn't want it back. And I know this for certain because......She is me.

I pointed out to him this morning that no one ever asks me why I love him. He took the path of the humble man and changed the subject, hahaha.



There are many reasons.

He is smart. Admirably so. Although his grammar in messages would insinuate otherwise. (I am a grammar nazi)



He is charming. And quite the gentleman. He was so tentative and careful with his words when we first started talking that I was afraid I'd never be able to provoke his nasty. But I did.



He's a freak, like me. And I don't mean weirdo. I mean his nasty is just as vast as mine. Although, he did seem surprised that I like to be bitten.



We have the same sense of humor. My god that man is funny. I can see us waking up in the morning, old and grey, and him saying to me "Be careful not to trip on your tits on the way to make breakfast darling." Hahahaha. And they're so similar that his even gets weirder when he's tired. Just like mine.



He does everything he can to make me feel better when I feel horrible. Even when his own anger at me is the reason. Because my feelings are more important to him than pretty much everything we've ever fought about.



He apologizes when he's in the wrong. And because I am me, when he's done the wrong thing he admits it. Because he knows I'll still love him afterward. He takes responsibility for his actions. Even when it is simply to say "Yes. I'm doing the wrong thing. Look closely while I keep doing it even though you're trying to tell me why I shouldn't. Fuck you and your authoritah!"



He's wilful, strong headed and stubborn. But so am I. He's also kind, friendly and responsible/mature enough to hold down a job.



*Sighs* Yeah, yeah, I'm coming to that now.

He's a womanizer. Or as some people would put it, he is not monogamous. HE'S not monogamous, but he won't cop that shit from me. Because he's also a jealous bastard, just like his lover is a jealous bitch.



He's a gentleman though, and won't stand for men who aren't.



He's a little judgmental too, but aren't we all? Well, I'm not, for the most part, but that's where we balance each other out.



And he treats me like I'm the best thing since sliced bread. He is affectionate and protective, attentive when he's not "busy", very loving (But if I call it loving...no no) and he makes me feel like I'm worth it. Like I'm really worth it.



I'm a tough woman to care about. I have anger issues, self esteem issues, father issues, loads of baggage from abuse, C.P.T.S.D., anxiety, depression (clinical depression, the kind that never goes away.) and when I wanted to argue with him about something, because angry men scare me, I used to put it here and hide from him. He'd gently coax me out of hiding and then sneakily hit me with "Now, what the fuck was that young lady?" It has taken him seven months to make me comfortable with coming to him directly when I have a problem. And now we sort it out together, calmly. Because he took that time. He made the effort. Earned my trust in him that he wouldn't just leave when things got too hard. He is the only man I have ever had in my life (aside from my platonic friends) who has always been there for me, and always will be. I have his word. Yes, he is human and he has flaws. Yes, one of them is questionable. But in giving up that one thing, look at everything else I gain. I am human too. I have flaws too. Mine are really hard to live with. But HE'S STILL HERE. On days when I couldn't love myself for who I am, he'd pick me up, so to speak, and show me all the good stuff about me. He doesn't know he did it, but on days when I couldn't love myself, he did it for me. He does it for me. He pits me back together when I start to fall apart.



These are the reasons why I love him. Why he's mine and I'm his. This is why my lover is my lover.