The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

05:45 Feb 16 2007
Times Read: 549






The pressure increases

As a chill runs up my spine from the contact between my hands and the floor.

Anger pulses through my veins,

My heart stops,

Then starts again.

My eyes tightly closed,

The world inside my head begins to spin . . . . .

The drugs have made it into my bloodstream.

The darkness just got darker

And so, the title of my life.

The screaming, the panic,

Nothing will stop.

On going torture creeps into the scenery

As I lay helpless, shaking,

On the floor.

There are shadows of gray

And spirits of red,

Dancing around me

Taunting, screaming,

Calling my name.

The voices have started

And slipped into my ears,

Jumping on top of one another

Driving me insane.

There is no air,

I can’t seem to breathe,

Someone please help me . . . . .



The games have begun.

my nightmare
05:41 Feb 16 2007
Times Read: 550






The flame flickers

A cold breeze blows by

The silence thickens

A chill runs up my spine

Lying there, on the floor

A force begins to push down on me

I try to move, but the effort is to no avail

All of a sudden I feel a blade

Caressing, scraping across my skin

Then it pushes through me

Slowly, sleekly

The sound of the rushing of blood is deafening

As I lay there, helpless, alone

They suddenly push it completely through

And I scream your name

Aloud and fast the blood continues to pour

As I moan in misery and fear

Clenched fists, pinned on the ground

I finally see his face

Those dreadful eyes silently tare at my clothes

Naked, cold, half-dead, I lay frozen

I watch as he leans down over me

I feel his forked tongue lick at the blood

He pulls the wound wider with his claws

I scream again for you

But only silence breaks from my lips

That violation of his touches

The harshness of the blade

Pain increases as the knife begins to rust

Infectious disease, contagious virus

Inside my head

Memories of the past

Scenes of the present nightmare

05:33 Feb 16 2007
Times Read: 551

The days pass by and I find myself alone

Still in shock, still questioning the reasoning,

Apart from you I am lost and shaking

Feeling a sense of worthlessness and despair,

And I will never see the quiet ever again.



Hate and rage fills my little body

And I begin to tremble in the icy cold rain

Yet I am heated and uncontrolled.

Stepping forward, falling back

I see my mistake as I fall forever, never ceasing.

And I will never see the quiet again.



They come for us, you and I

They fall away from us, you and I

What they want I cannot give and you do not have,

I have brought this pain and agony to your life,

Forgive me, I am evil,

I have no answers, I know not of myself

Anything that would help or bring even the slightest bit of happiness.

I will never see the quiet ever again.



I am pinned down, revealed unwillingly,

Open to the human beings that do nothing but take,

Pushing, shoving, thrusting, and twisting,

I feel my body giving in,

Stop fighting, stop the struggle,

Let them have what they want; it’ll be over soon.

“Just lay there, be a good little girl,

Daddy will be done soon if you cooperate.”

And I will never see the quiet again.



More and more come to me

As if I have the resources,

To take on every man’s internal army of hate and despair,

When all in all I am alike and just as confused.

I still insist a hand of love and an open mind

Finding that I can help them, but in disgust

Cannot help myself.

I will never see the quiet ever again.

Myself Alone
05:30 Feb 16 2007
Times Read: 552

I am not like I was before

I refuse to let these games evade me

Consume me

Take everything from me that I hold dear

As the night draws to an end

I find myself alone

Helpless and scared

These emotions slowly show themselves

Strong, without warning

They devour and take over my soul

I have no will to fight

Every battle seems like a waste of time

And so I am defeated within moments

Quick fleeting moments of time

Long forgotten and forever lost

I lay in the bloody mess of my thoughts

Disembodied from the fight

Nothing seems right

Nothing has meaning any longer

As I find myself alone

And dead to the world

This world that has shunned me

This reality that has hated me

They finally won

I finally gave in

I have no more hope

No more strength

To keep playing these games

To let these games be played

To me, and no one else

And as the night draws to an end

I find myself alone

I find myself dead

My Brother
05:21 Feb 16 2007
Times Read: 553

The leaves fade from green to brown

As I sit beneath the trees, upon the hill, next to his grave.

The seasons pass by with grace,

The spring, the summer, the fall, and winter.

It doesn’t seem like years since he was here,

It feels like it was just yesterday that he left me here alone.

I can’t blame him and never will I ever,

I can’t blame my family, as it was not their fault either,

Was it God?

Was it time?

Or was it just me.

I watch as flowers bloom around his place,

I watch as the stone becomes wet from the gentle summer’s rain.

The leaves fall gently from the trees,

And the snow covers the stone and freezes over with ice.

I sit there,

Not moving, not wanting to,

I wish to be here, next to him,

So that nothing will ever change,

Nothing will ever go wrong.

But it’s too late.

He has already gone away and he will never return to me.

I lift my arms in the air and scream my pain to anyone that will hear,

But it only echoes in the trees and over the mountains,

Eternally silent to all.

Stumbling-Rambling
05:15 Feb 16 2007
Times Read: 555

Through this life I stumble

Too many times betrayed

Lost in yearning for truth

Lost in desire of you

The voices trapped inside

As the night becomes my companion

And solitude, my guide

Nothing bleeds as the ropes pulled tight

The chains wrapped furiously

Around my thoughts of freedom

Confusion hungers for truth

Foaming with the coming tide

Bellowing deep from within

Everything is nothing

Nothing is everything

When one last fight might be the last

The complete difference

Between life and death

So leave me to my fate

Insane and alone

Destined to run from it all

As the wall slowly breaks apart

And falls inside my head

Destroying everything . . . . . . .

Destroying me

. . . . . . . . . . . .
04:57 Feb 16 2007
Times Read: 557

In search for something to feel

But all is falling

I am falling apart

All because you pushed me out

So then I waited behind the door

So I hid behind the mountain of your thoughts

Wishing, wanting to be somehow found

Before the time came close

For death to turn to fate

And truth be turned into deceit

But the rain is coming

And the thunder has roared

As beneath the fallen leaves you left me

A rotting corpse underneath your skin

I’ll crawl around your heart of stone

And die in your mind from within.

Destruction
04:55 Feb 16 2007
Times Read: 558

Sitting there, I can feel them breaking, I can feel them giving in,



Constant pressure, no release, no compassion for suffering.



Staring into the sky of imagination I loose myself there,



Only to somehow find that I am really not lost

In this super-natural world that I created.



This is my home, this is who I am,

A freak of nature, a useless creature of torment and misuse.



Longing for the touch of truth and normality

Only to come to me in fleeting glimpses of light,

To do nothing but fade so quickly before I can rise from the pit.



The pit of my unholiness, the pit of destruction,

Consuming my soul with every breath

And tearing apart my mind.

Stranger Things : The Nonsence
05:41 Feb 12 2007
Times Read: 562

I am tired. I am worn out. I can't seem to find anything that I thought that I was looking for.



The pages are turning themselves while the words slowly dissolve to nothing with each new turned page. The air is growing thinner and the smog, a thick green, as I aimlessly wonder around in circles trying to find my shadow. I, now pale from never letting a ray of sun meet my skin, have grown weak and lost in this great maze to find who I was . . . .who I am.



The pallet lays upon the floor, mud-stained with blood and tears, and in the window the candle light fades from lack of air without a hope admist this scene.



Underneathe the drunken trees, the beast finds her nest; within the sunken meadow grows her anger and fear of all.



The wild boar and panther fight as the night hangs so heavily around; neither will win but neither will lose, as fur and scaly skin falls.



My hut is made of mud and blood; the ceiling laid of arms and hands the colour of a beautiful purple and blue. My meal consists of goblet after goblet of sacred blood that drips from my ceiling in lovely streams of scarlet. Candles are laid throughout and upon the floor of red clay and dirt, as I slowly feed each flame with my flesh and oil.



Pain is not of measurement in torture or curse, but is measured in pleasure and joy as I lay upon the stakes of wood. These stakes, carefully carved by my own hand, are stained with care and healing, hate and rage, splendidness and happier things.



To most, I am part of the unknown, the insane, a waste, the horrid, the shunned. But as for me, I believe that I am part of this world, the misunderstood, the gifted, the beautiful, the welcomed.



If not loved by the human race, I am banished, which I am, to live and try to thrive amongst the spiritual beings in their own, of which I truly am not but strive to be.



Someone has torn my pallet apart, my hut a tattered mess, the boar and panther both lay dead.



I think that I have painted a picture of myself in the remains that I have been left to be seen and known by all.



I am in dreadful need and in terrible confusion. Can someone please interpret my fate? Is this reality or just my dream?



Or is it really my painting?