The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Many, many years ago

When I was twenty-three

I got married to a widow

Pretty as could be.

This widow had a grow-up daughter

With flowing hair of red.

My father fell in love with her,

And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law

And changed my very life.

Now my daughter was my mother,

For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,

Although it brought me joy,

I soon became the father

Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became

A brother-in-law to dad.

And so became my uncle,

Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,

Then that also made him brother

To the widow's grown-up daughter

Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son

Who kept them on the run.

And he became my grandson,

For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother

And it makes me blue.

Because, although she is my wife,

She's my grandma, too.

If my wife is my grandmother,

Then I am her grandchild.

And every time I think of it,

It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become

The strangest case you ever saw,

As the husband of my grandmother,

I am my own grandpa!

She whispered "will it hurt me?"

"Of course not" answered he

"It's a very simple process,

You can rely on me."

She said "I'm very frightened,

I've not had this before.

My friend has had it five times

And said it can be sore."

It was growing rather painful

Tears formed in her eyes

It was hurting quite a bit now

It must have been a size.

"Calm yourself" he whispered

"His face filled with a grin

"Try and open wider

So I can get it in."

"It's coming now" he whispered

"I know" she cried in bliss

Feeling it deep within her now

She said "I am glad I'm having this."

And with a final effort

She gave a frightened shout

He gripped it in anguish

And quickly pulled it out.

She lay back quite contended

Sighed and gave a smile

She said "I'm glad I came now

You made it worth my while."

Now if you read this carefully

The dentist you will find

Is not what you imagined

It's just your dirty mind!!

When you're hanging on to the mountain side

And your nose gets a terrible itch,

That's the time you know for sure

That life's a bitch

When Ludwig lost his hearing -

When the good Lord struck him deaf,

He shouted the same word seventeen times

And the word began with F.

'Life's a bitch', screamed Ludwig.

'I'll drown me sorrows in wine.'

Then he dipped his quill in a bottle of hock

And wrote Symphony Number Nine

Now poets can see what other men can't

(They pronounce the word wind 'wined')

But Milton whined that he naught could see

When the good Lord struck him blind.

'Life's a bitch', quoth Milton,

'Now pleasures have I none.

When a man can't see what he's given for tea,

Oh, where had Paradise gone ?'

'Life's a bitch', said Boney,

'It really isn't nice

When you've marched to the gates of Moscow

And the Lord sends snow and ice.'

'We've got frostbite in our noses

And chilblains on our feet

And yet despit the frostbite

I still can smell defeat.'

These three, dogged by misfortune

Said, 'Life's a bitch I'm sure.

It will bite you on the ankle,

Be you rich or poor.'

I'll never be great or noble,

I'll never be grand or rich,

But I have to agree with the famous three -

Life, my friends, is a bitch.

We sit and we type, and we stare at our screens

We all have to wonder, what this possibly means.



With our mouse we roam, through the rooms in a maze

Looking for something or someone, as we sit in a daze.



We chat with each other, we type all our woes

Small groups we do form, and gang up on our foes.



We wait for somebody, to type out our name

We want recognition, but it is always the same.



We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes flirt

In IMs we chat deeply, and reveal why we hurt.



We do form friendships - but - why we don't know

But some of these friendships, will flourish and grow.



Why is it on screen, we can be so bold

Telling our secrets, that have never been told.



Why is it we share, the thoughts in our mind

With those we can't see, as though we were blind.



The answer is simple, it is as clear as a bell.

We all have our problems, and need someone to tell.



We can't tell real people, but tell someone we must

So we turn to the 'puter, and to those we can trust.



Even though it is crazy, the truth still remains

They are Friends Without Faces, and odd little names.

I'm not too fit, I'll have you know

I'm overweight and rather slow

But when I run, I manage; though

I'm breathless!

Though in the past it was not thus,

I am not one to swear and cuss,

Except that, trying to catch a bus,

I'm breathless!

When as a youth, I used to play

With sweet young ladies in the hay

The girls would be the ones to say:

"I'm breathless"!

At sport I'd always stay the course

I was as strong as any horse

But now, with just a little force,

I'm breathless!

I guess my life has reached the stage

When these things happen at my age.

If all my passions I assuage,

I'm breathless!

I have my annual body checks

And find out if I need new specs.

But sadly, when I'm having sex,

I'm breathless!

No longer, now, do I aspire

To climb a mountain, walk on fire;

Instead I curb each wild desire -

I'm breathless!

I kissed a girl

and got an erection

popped the question

got a rejection



sitting here

upon my throne

smelling like shit

beating my bone

Anger drives through me,

I scream in despair,

Torture my surroundings,

and rip out my hair



I hide away,

Beat my head against the wall,

Release tension and anger,

Escape from life’s thrall



Suicides always an answer,

I think about it a lot,

Because you see…..

In this life we are all just a dot….



A mark….

A mistake.

Cut your wrist

open the vein

see the blood

feel the pain





getting blurry

your heart is racing

body aching

hands are shaking





tears are falling

staring at the knife

you feel a sence of regret

realizing you ended your life

If you could see me now,

what would you say?

What would you do?

Would you hold me and pray?



The things kids at school feel

about their dads, isn't the same as

what I feel. They feel remource

and hatrid, I feel sorrow and pain for all the lies.



The things I could feel, aren't

there. Though I wish they were.

What people tell me to feel

is what they feel themselves.



The years I've spent without

you, were the hardest, but the

worst is yet to come. I feel

I should say these words now,



I love you dad, I don't

know why, but I do know

how, cause I can.

what would you do if everytime you fell in love with someone you had to say goodbye?

what would you do if everytime you were truely happy there would be 10moments of saddness?

what would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you

truly felt?

what would you do if i said i cared about you as a friend?

what i'm saying is i adore you, look up to you, cherish you, i may even love you.

do you know what happens when your flesh is rotting and dead?

your flesh turns to putrid and your clothes start spotting.

your belly blots up and your guts turn to chum.

your eye balls turn purple like over riped plums.

flys crawl in and maggots crawl out.

your skin turns black with a puck afection green.

puss rips from your pores like whip cream.

yes its no fun being rotting and dead, no fun at all, enough has been said.

Being judged,

Being seen for what your not.

Ignorant, stupid, dumb

these things i am not.



Take the knife, Take my life.

Trading sadness, for happieness.

Trading worthless, and uselessness

for a good feeling inside.



Running scared,

charging into the darkness

for once im not judged.

Dark, wet, and lightless.



This is where i belong,

where i must stay.

I am liked by this corner of mine,

if i leave, i shall pay.