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I just want to carve off all the ugly in and on me. So Mr.A cheated on me and tonight I caught him. I feel at a loss. What is the point of being a good person and working on my karma if I still get hurt??? What is the fucking point of being alive?

I am beginning to think that it will take several days in the hospital for anyone to really give a fuck about me. Mr. A knows I'm injured but still doesn't lift a finger to help me. In anything. He called me a hypochondriac tonight. He knows I am not. I feel like no matter how much my body decides to give up on me, I can never tell anyone. No one understands the struggles I go through on a daily basis. I think he is going to have to realize he should have kept me happy and opening up to him.

I had to get sick in order to get a break from the neverending housework. Although it doesn't count if I still had to get up and clean. For 3 days I've been so sick I hardly move. For 3 days the house became a giant pile of garbage. How can someone enjoy trash? This proving my point I can't get a massive surgery. Not only will the down time drive me crazy but I would be afraid to see the house then. Sigh

I am not really a big fan of the 4th of July. I do enjoy the family time but honestly the entire night just puts me on the edge. I always get an eerie feeling someone is watching me from the shadows while everyone else is paying attention to the fireworks.