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My new year's resolution is a little different this year. This year I don't want to be forgotten by those I supposedly meant something to. I want my health to quit declining. And my financial struggles to lessen. I would love to say that 2022 will be a better year but it feels hollow to think such things. I'll be entering 2022 cautiously and expecting nothing.

Heart surgery. I had worked myself up to a panic attack the day of my surgery. For some reason I pretty much gave up and was just accepting things to go bad. The surgery was a bust. My heart magically healed itself or the Dr is a fucking idiot. Whichever was the case it didn't solve the problem. In January I go to yet another Dr to find out what is really going on. I'm sick of drs playing a guessing game.

Mr. A lost his job. Hopefully things will get back on track. I fear my guard is slipping once more with him. idk things feel differently now. Maybe my scare with my heart jolted things on a good track with him and I.

I have been sleeping a little less than normal. For some reason my body can't seem to rest. I really hope 2022 is a much better fucking year. This year was ladder with deaths of people I cared about. I feel at a loss because Anne Rice died. She was insight to a world no one else sees unless they are a part of that world.