Honor: 0 [ Give / Take ]
33 entries this month
Continuously
15:42 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 559
Continuously running from the pain inside,
Never finding a place where I can hide.
Cutting deep like a wound,
I can’t find anything that will help me heal.
When I was little and continuously living in fear of you,
You’d beat me and bruise me, you never had a clue.
All the times I was hit you would kill me love,
But why did I stay? Why didn’t I leave?
Our love was like a monster and a brilliant dove,
I can’t take it any more, and I can’t take you.
It’s time for my revenge, time for you to die.
A New Freedom
15:41 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 560
Death is not the end,
But merely a new beginning.
A new beginning in a new place where no one can push you around.
A place where you are free.
A place where you can do what you want.
A place where you can be who you want to be.
A place where you can be a punk, or a goth.
A place where you can hang out, and just have fun,
With 16 year old skater boys.
No this place is not death,
This place is not real.
Death is real,
Death is not just an abyss,
A dark hole.
This place exists only in my mind,
And in the minds of those who chose to believe me.
So go there sometime,
And you will see,
Just have free you can really be
Why?
15:34 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 561
I surrender to you,
It’s all over now, I cannot win.
Just tell me what you want me to do.
Why am I so powerless?
Why do I never win?
Why can’t I fight this feeling?
I always do what I’m told,
Never to disobey my master’s wishes again.
Never rebelling and never thinking on my own.
Why do I always obey?
Why don’t I ever think for myself?
Why?
Somebody please help me.
I shall no longer listen to you.
No longer shall I be a mindless drown,
And do your evil bidding for you.
I must remember that I can think for myself,
No matter what any one says about me.
No matter what any one says behind my back.
Why can I stand up for myself now?
Why do I have all of these strange feelings?
Why do I have a heart of my own?
I now know the truth behind my past,
The truth behind your lies.
Nothing you ever told me was true.
Why did I ever believe in you?
Why did I ever trust you?
Why did I ever stop listening to what I wanted?
I have a brain, a heart, a mind, a soul.
All the important things I need in order to survive.
Just leave me alone.
I need to be alone.
I need time to get away from you.
I need time to straighten out my own mind.
I need you to stay away from me…FOREVER
Goodbye, I Love You
15:33 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 562
Bleeding heart,
A hole being torn apart.
My love for you does not have a price,
I would even pay with suicide.
Each day I see you with her,
Every second I feel more hurt.
Each day it gets a little bit deeper,
Every second it so much steeper.
As you sit on the ground,
I’m unnoticed and no where to be found.
You just go on with your life,
I just stare, empty inside.
A gun, a knife, a razor,
Familiar words, tools I savor.
Familiar marks, disappearance of pain,
It doesn’t last long, it returns in vain.
I know the feelings all to well,
They come on strong, just like Hell.
And do my deed with one quick, painless slice.
Bloody, I sit down by you,
This is to know that I am true.
You don’t believe a word I say,
But this time is different, it’s “Goodbye, I love you,” that I say.
Inside My Mind
15:33 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 563
If you could read my mind,
This is what you might find.
Feelings that I lock deep inside,
Feelings that I hide.
Feelings of both hate and love,
And what I hide from the world above.
Memories that I keep to myself,
Memories that I share with no one else.
Memories that are just for me,
Ones that no one else can see.
If I could read your inner mind,
I wonder what I might find.
I wonder if I would see,
Memories of you and me!?!
My Curse
15:32 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 566
Every guy I have ever loved is gone.
I must be caused by a curse that followed me home.
Or maybe I am just naturally heartbroken.
Why does this always happen to me?
Is there something I cannot see?
I wish this would quit happening to me,
Oh why can’t I see that I’m doomed to be,
Forever single and free?
The Day I Died
15:31 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 567
The day I died,
The whole world cried.
Who would have thought I’d ever commit suicide?
The day I died you missed me.
You wished you could have saved me.
But instead you always left me be.
The day I died you regretted always being mean.
Because it was your meanness that drove me insane,
You never thought you would cause my pain.
The day I died I cried,
I never thought I’d commit suicide.
The Suicide
15:30 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 568
Eyes stare up
Blank expression
Nothingness
Sky is not seen
Wind is not felt
The leaves in the air
The dirt on the cheek
The frigid skin
The blue tint
No breath in the lungs
No beat in the heart
No stirring of the limbs
The eyes do not blink
The song has been silenced
The light has been stolen
A beauty in life
A beauty in death
Flowers adorn the hair
Pale, white, pretty dress
Arms crossed over the chest
Marks adorn the wrists
The ground around stained red
The note at the side
Never to be read
The hurried script
The tear-stained lines
The stained razor
Tell-tale lines
A beauty in life
A beauty in death
Wounded soul
Controlling the mind
Holding the blade
Piercing the skin
Crimson flowing down
Rained upon the ground
Down she fell to her knees
A barely-audible scream
Finally she collapsed
Breathing in gasps
Slowly her body died
The lovely, abandoned bride
Last Night's Dream
15:29 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 569
I had a strange dream last night...
A demon came to me and told that he would grant me my fondest desire,
In exchange for my most treasures possession.
He was huge with wings of coal black.
I figured that it was only a dreams so I asked the demon to make me apart of the dead,
And we worked out a contract.
When I was about to wake from my dream, the demon's hand touched my left eye.
I was overcome by a powerful heat and an extremely bright light.
And then the demon laughed, saying "Don't forget we have a deal."
So there it is, the story of my non-existance on this earth.
It's the reason why I am no longer living today.
Can anyone blame me, for wanting to leave this world?
Was I justified in my decision?
I think that I was and for that reason I say...
"Goodbye."
Destiny Awaits
15:29 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 570
Within my heart I have been bestowed with demonic powers.
The hatred inside of me destroys human hearts like simple flowers.
I can't run and there's no where I can hide,
I guess I'll stay locked up deep inside.
Since the devilquake have come back to haunt me,
All although I've tried it, I've come to realize my soul cannot escape free.
The eyes of hell disrupt my prayer,
Causing me to fun in solitude and snares.
Running, constantly running away in terror from you.
Forever chasing me and never leaving me alone like a poisoned disease or someone who is searching for their self to be forever true.
All I've ever wanted was for you to leave me alone,
Now you stalk me like a collecter out to get a bone.
Please let me escape from the sadness I feel inside of my terrifid mind,
Let me explore the destiny I have yet to find.
Out of the light and into the darkness is where I longed to be,
Sitting and waiting for the fate that awaits me.
Death of A Poet
15:04 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 571
She hides in her room
Among her books
Poetry is her refuge
It helps her get through life
She doesn't know what she would do without it
And then one day it is gone
She searches her room
Her beloved poetry nowhere to be found
And then she sees it
The shreds of her feelings
Lying in a garbage can
She cries out in vain
Suddenly over come with emotion
And nowhere to let it out
So she grabs a blade
And cuts her wrist
The river of crimson flowing
She cries
And begs and pleads
She says she doesn’t want to leave
But she is getting weak
She can no longer speak
She just cries
And tries to dry her eyes
And then she stops crying
Her eyes close
And the crimson river no longer flows
Losing My Sanity
15:04 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 572
Tears of anger
Tears of hate
Tears that show my terrible fate
Tears that hide
The feelings that lay
Beneath the surface of my mind
Feelings that won't escape
Yet they remain
Here with me
Trapped in my head
And they drive me insane
They make me wish I was dead
I used to be able to unleash
The pain that tormented my tattered soul
Scraping the surface with a pin
When the blood came and went
It went back into my sould where it would remain
Until the next time I lost control
Then the seal would break
Through the mask I had to create
To make people think I'm okay
When deep inside I scream and cry
And go insane
While the pain slowly eats away
At the part of me that still wants to live
Then I need to unleash
The pain before it eats
Through the surface
While it silently creeps
To my brain
And drives me insane
Then the hate starts to show
And the tears start to flow
Rivers streaming down my cheeks
While I try to fight
And keep them hidden inside
But I'm too weak
The pain controls me
And I scream and shout
And bang my head against the wall
And beg for the release I need
The physical pain that will send
The hurt that is harbored in me
Back down to my soul
However, deep inside I know
That the release will never come
For I can never break
The promise that I made
I promised you I'd never cut
But it's the hardest promise to keep
So I bite my lip until it bleeds
And try to keep control
For if I gave in
And cut my skin
I could never talk to you again
Because it wouldn't be fair to you
If I broke the promise that keeps
Us together and shows
That we have more in common than most people know
So when I feel I want to die
I talk to you and you listen while I cry
And even though
You probably don't know
You help me more
Than anyone else ever could
And I wish I could tell you
But I'm not sure
How to explain
The love I feel
For there are no words to say
Or explain
How someone I have never seen
Can help me control the pain
That's forever driving me insane
And no matter how bad I feel
You can always make me smile
Bleeding Heart
15:04 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 573
Bloody hands, blurry eyes
Broken deep inside.
Fake smiles, all this paint,
Only living in the sorrowful ways.
One day I'll finally end this pain,
Even if it means dying in vain.
One day I'll take it to far,
My skin will spread apart,
Allowing the sea of red to consume me.
Slowly I fall to my knees.
Inside I hope and pray,
That today is finally my day.
If it's not I'll try again.
Surely you understand my friend.
Strip me down and look at my scars.
There's a story behind every mark.
Each mark is a little bit deeper,
Every story gets steeper and steeper.
You ask me why, but I must reply,
I can't ruin the silence felt deep inside.
You say I"m wicked and morbid, maybe you are right.
I'm sorry for what I've done, I say goodbye tonight.
If you want more look at me close,
Engraved in my stomach is my suicide note.
Now you will know how I truly feel,
You said that you loved me, but none of it was ever real.
It was all only cheap lies,
So in return, here are my cheap goodbyes
Hatred
15:03 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 574
Hatred consumes the hearts of millions, growing deep inside of yourself.
"How soon we forget those we destest."
A true statement made in the depths of your mind.
This world scares me so I'll never leave this palace of dim night again.
I have come to realize my misfortune.
My pain, your hatred, nothing can compare to these feelings.
Because evil pretends to be divinely good,
I am imprisoned, starved, whipped, and tormented.
Your hatred towards me is killling me.
Why does the hatred of others make you want to die?
My pain and your hatred is one in the same.
Feeling guilty I wait patiently for my death.
Maybe you could help, the hatred you harbor inside has enough power to kill me, so please...
...Kill me.
Kill me with your hatred.
Angelic Devil
15:02 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 575
Lock out the day light and leave me in suicide,
Killing my joys with love.
I can't tell you how many times I have thought of this,
Hopeing and waiting for death's first kiss.
As time has passed on I have come to realize the truth and the lies,
As evil wins, the spirit dies.
An angel of peace, and a devil of anger,
Both ruling my life and putting everyone in danger.
When I die I've often wondered where I would go,
Heaven or hell, my tearful woe.
My time is here, my time to leave,
Immortal part with devils lives
To My Love15:01 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 576
In my own despair I forgot how you felt. I put you through the pain and you didnt care. why you stay by my side will never know. But I have to say thanks because without you I wouldn't be here now.
Your pain is in my heart and I'm sry I put you through it. But if you don't mind I hope you don't mind, if I ask you to stay with me and help with what I need. Right now I need you.
Descendants of Darkness
14:59 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 580
As steady hearts descend, I become nothing. Slowly fading from a world that doesn't care.
Am I truly lonely?
Do I really care?
My existance is meaningless, I no longer have a will to live.
Darkness sets in and all light has flown.
Nothing and no one can save me now.
As I look around and see, All the people who are around me, I visualize the same damn thing everytime.
Descending from the heavens, rising up from hell, the darkness is everywhere.
Into its icy grip I fell, never had a choice and never saying anything.
Slowly but steadily fading from a world that doesn't care.
People are the same, inside and out.
The same darkness and misery consuming every heart, everytime I turn around I see this happening and I think to myself there is no hope.
We are all the same, there is no difference. Looking around I can tell, we are all the descendants of darkness.
Love Is A Knife
14:59 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 581
Small, simple sage price.
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.
This is not a small cut that scabs and dries and flakes and heals.
I'm not afraid to die.
I'm not a afriad to bleed and fuck and fight.
I want the pain of payment.
What's left but a section of pigmy-sized cuts, much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks. Would you be my little CUT?
Would you be my thousand FUCKS?
Make marks leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.
To fill and spill over and under my thoughts.
My sad sorry selfish cry out to the cutter.
I'm cutting, trying to picture your black broken heart.
LOVE IS NOT LIKE ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY A FUCKING KNIFE.
The Ancients
14:58 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 582
Astir from my bed I awake.
Sivering from the cold in the middle of summer.
The frightening dream of my past.
A nightmare worth the pain of a thousand men.
The ancients of time are giving me a clue,
Of memories long forgotten.
I cannot figure out the peices of the puzzle.
What is this mightmare trying to tell me?
I do not know nor do I want to know.
This nightmare keeps haunting me.
It will not go away.
I fear it will stay with me until I figure it outh this mysterious puzzle.
The ancients are now speaking.
They are telling me a valuable secret.
Can it help me find myself?
Does it fit in with this continuous nightmare?
After a long while I soon understand.
This nightmare I have been having since I was little,
It is my subconscience soul.
I now know why I never really tried to fight this terror of mine.
I have always felt that the nightmare that has haunted me for so long was somehow connected to me,
I just did not know how.
The nightmare is clear and the puzzle fits together.
The ancients are silent and I am at peace for the moment.
The nightmare, my subconscience soul, has finally stopped.
The peace does not last for very long,
The ancients have become restless once more.
The nightmare is back and worse than before.
The nightmare is back and it is still haunting me.
Rejection
14:58 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 583
You had me thinking I'm all alone.That no one truly ever cared. Now what am I suppose to do, When all I can do is think of you?
My heart is reacing at the speed of light. And I don't know how to stop it. You can't imagine what you mean to me. You my one and only everything.
You gave me meaning to live my life. Without you I can't survive. This world is so cold, so cruel and mean. People need people and I need you.
Our love is strong. This I know is true. Together there is nothing we can't do. But you have to believe that what we have is real. I want you to want me, So please listen to what I'm asking you.
The World Stands Still
14:57 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 584
Standing in the middle of a hurricane, I face the world alone.
No one's here to help me, no one really cares. I'm crossing the borderline.
I'm crying without even knowing how.
I feel so hollow inside, I still can't find what keeps me here.
A place of darkness and delight, I still can't believe I fell for your lies.
I come to Earth, forever never dying.
Just pretending to enjoy life.
I can't seem to understand why people want to live.
Death is a reward, so why do people run in fear from it?
Everyone must die at some point in time.
I will break the barrier, for there is such a beauty in bleeding lies.
You told me one and I fell for it, now I sleep in a soundless slumber.
You did this to me, now you shall pay.
Is it wise to take a life?
I really need to know.
I draw the gun and take aim as the world stands still.
It's just like a dream, the world stands still.
A dark ruby red nector is spilling from my body, what can I say?
I have a lust for blood.
Someone wake me up, I don't want to be here anymore.
My uncertain sould melts into oblivion,
I can see the scars and I hold out my arm.
In the end I realized time was uncontrollable, the tears falling down my face won't come back. The past promise we made had been broken, Nothing we do can change that.
The past promise we made can't stop the past mistakes from repeating over and over again. Maybe we should just give up and forget that all of this ever happened.
If only for just a little while, I want to return to my human form.
I can't do that, the past promise is stopping me. Let's let it go.
Please, I need to return to normal.
If you wish to raise the pains in my heart, you might as well kill me now.
Don't look so lonely, I did this just for you.
Just take another breath and destroy all that is peace.
You can't find what's important, no one can stop us and what we do.
Tears only make us realize our parting, and so for now and forever, Goodbye.
Suicide Note14:57 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 585
You win.
Love The Pain Like I Love You
14:56 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 586
Cover me in acid,
and watch my body burn
lick off whats left of me
and pour salt in my wounds
listen while i scream
cuz you know i love the pain
just like i love you
so take and scrape my skin off
piece by piece
and layer by layer
watch my face as it pours down rain in my eyes
i grit my teeth and smile
cuz you know i love the pain
just like i love you
spoon my eyes out
and hand them to me
i'm blind anyway
won't need them to see
so douce me in gasoline
and set my soul on fire
its good for nothing no more
rip my heart out
and shred it into pieces
cuz you know i love the pain
just like i love you
nail me to the wall
oh what fun this will be
then leave the room
and whisper that you love me
so i can hear your lies creep down the hall
then come back so i can laugh at you when you trip and fall
so i can scream because i hurt
cuz you know i love the pain
just like i love you
so take me down off the wall
and drag me down the hall
let the splinters work their way into my backside
take me to the kitchen
get a knife
drop doiwn to your knees
and stab me continously
cuz you know i love the pain
just like i love you
so drag me out the door
tell me one last time i'll always be yours
drag me out on the grass
while i attempt to fight back
then drag me to the hole
that will be my grave
bury me alive and let me suffocate to death
cuz you know i love the pain
just like i love you
cover my face first
with the worm maggot filled dirt
then work your way down
and then one last time
for me won't you scream?
cuz you know i love the pain
just like i once loved you
Just Thinking
14:56 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 587
cut my wrists
and watch me while i bleed
blacken my eyes
and watch me while i cry
you know its what you wanna do
stab me in the back again
and watch me while i try to crawl away
rip out my hear
and watch me while i fall apart
you know its what you wanna do
leave me here
to bleed and die
and watch me while the maggots
slowly eat me away
this is what you've done
my death has begun
so stay a while until this is through
but remember one day
it'll happen to you
Watch Me
14:55 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 588
cut my wrists
and watch me while i bleed
blacken my eyes
and watch me while i cry
you know its what you wanna do
stab me in the back again
and watch me while i try to crawl away
rip out my hear
and watch me while i fall apart
you know its what you wanna do
leave me here
to bleed and die
and watch me while the maggots
slowly eat me away
this is what you've done
my death has begun
so stay a while until this is through
but remember one day
it'll happen to you
Regrets
14:54 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 589
All my todays
have faded into tomorrows
time flowed
like a rivers' depths
silky smooth
flowing rapidly by
deceptive in silence
rippling....
past memories
All my tomorrows
have become yesterdays
time flows
like river rapids
roughly rolling on
tumbling madly
foaming....
past regrets
All my todays
are not the todays
time promised
like whispering streams
slipping past
sliding....
by tears
All my yesterdays
could have been the tomorrows
time dreamed
like what could have been
screaming....
and gone.
Forsaken Silence
14:53 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 590
Forsaken Silence starts too
Unfold and its starting to
Creep up on the the most
Kindest of people you and I and the
Young as well, it should all be
Over soon if we all
Unite as one
Because maybe then it will go
I wish I could leave
This horrid place
Currupt with power and anger
Hell, not even the devil him self, show his face here
The Leaves
14:52 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 591
On Autumn night,
The darkest night,
I stare at the glowing leaves.
How bright their colours are,
in orange and red,
compared to the darkness that surrounds them.
They remind me,
of how life is,
how it gets old, wrinkles up,
changes colours, and soon falls
off to rest in peace.
How this repeats every year,
but rebirths in the spring,
to start over again.
It is a sad time, that division of the year,
but as sadness is always as beautiful,
As the October moon is lighted above
the daggered trees,
And the cruel wind blows to transport the leaves.
Betrayal
14:51 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 592
The stars cry their blackest tears tonight
I have one moment to live for
I’m pouring my heart into these rooftops
I’m like a ghost to the world
No one seems to notice me
That’s exactly what I need.
For a second I wish everything would just disappear
I scream a song of death and darkness
Just so you can hear
I won’t miss the beat of your heart
For it’s the sweet melody of death itself
My flesh is melting
No one can help me now
I’m to lost to be saved
So just let me die as I am suppose to
Death is my last resort
I have nothing to live for
I’m contemplating suicide
I wish somebody would tell me I’m wrong
I never realized I was spread so thin
Not until it was to late and I was empty from within
My life is going in a downward spiral
People always telling me “no where else to go but up” but do they themselves believe that
Life has always sucked and
I’m broken into small pieces
I don’t feel alright
You’ve left me behind to deal with this pain
Destiny is flying high above but
I don’t need destiny
I know my future
It’s dark, cold, bleak, lonely, and full of hatred
Fear is being shown in front of my eyes
It reveals scary shadows of my distant past
I wish it would all go away
I need to be alone
To deal with the betrayal that lays in my heart
Stained Scarlet
14:51 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 593
No one really cares where I go
Time marches on, and the plants still roam
I want to throw my window wide
And yell to the world what I feel inside
In the past, I was punished for dreaming
But my soul, I went on and continued screaming
It was, to me, a tragedy
That you would not let me see
I looked to you, cried out to you, to feel me
But you were never there for me
Now my only regret that I cried tears of pain
‘Cause I know you’d never do the same
You’re already scared by what floats around in my mind
And you think that there’s something wrong with my kind
So I ask myself, what good could ever come of this
To live in fear of your grotesque face
I realize this day
The price that you must pay
So just maybe you’ll finally feel some regret
When the ground beneath you gets stained scarlet
Reaper: The Senses of Death
14:50 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 594
I,
I hear the sound
Of a deathbed's sweet lullaby.
And I,
I hear the sound
Of a chariot raving towards me.
And I,
I feel the thunder
Of a thousand steel hooves.
And I,
I taste the blood
Dripping from the sword
And I,
I taste the death
In the shadows of twilight.
And I,
I smell the flesh
Burning from my bones
And I,
I see the moon
Laughing at worthless lives.
And I,
I see the tears fell like rain
From the blackest of skies.
Rhapsody in Black
14:49 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 595
Sing to me a tragedy
Of lost love and misery
Show me a world without fear,
And I'll show you one without tears
Show me an empire with eternal rain,
And I'll show you onw with unceasing pain.
But I live in a world of falling tears,
And see my end is drawing near.
But I live in an empire of cold rain,
And feel I fight my battle in vain.
I was led through dark meadows by your father,
Yet cast out when I mentioned his utter failure.
I want a world with no gods and no prayer,
Freedom from your chains and your body nadir.
Once upon in a great manor,
I bathed in sickness and slept with terror.
It was a night of dismal silence,
That left me feeling both weak and tense.
For in the place where lovers die,
No one grieves and no one cries.
'Tis the place I long to be,
The home of suffering and agony.
But this place is cloaked in myth,
Except for those who have been pithed.
Dismassed and thrown out, I descend deeper.
My faith in you has already withered.
You whisper about my bleeding heart,
But do not in my life take apart.
I'm lost within the cold feelign of space,
Yet hide from your ugly mystical face.
I want to live in the dark of night,
And cause the stars to tremble with fright.
So just kill me now,
And I'll show you the happiest girl alive.
Silence
14:48 Jun 18 2005
Times Read: 596
Can you hear it?
No, you can't hear it because there's nothing to hear
Nothing can be heared
Nothing but the silence
The silence of your surroundings
The silence of your mind
The silence of your heart
The silence of yourself
Silence is your life
Can you understand that?
Do you want to hear is again?
Open up to me
Open up to death
If you can do that I guarentee you
You will hear again
Better than before
You shall hear what's in the heavens
You shall hear what's in hell
You shall hear peoples inner most thoughts
But most importantly
You shall hear your very own heart
So listen closely
COMMENTS
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