The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

specs drugs n stop drop and roll
13:14 Mar 21 2007
Times Read: 554




I just spent the last 45 mins looking for my glasses, i decimated the living room, raised the rest of the house to the ground and why??? I dunno why- you wud have thought the fact I could see perfectly well would be some indication that I had my contact lenses in but nooooooo today is blonde kia day, today kia will be walking about all dumb and blonde saying things like " can you catch bird flu from fish??" today is the day kia looks in her handbag and finds a tub of clover and realises her SPECS are in the sodding fridge!!!!



Hmmm ppl ask such stooopid questions like and why are you visiting the a&e dept today??? " well actually you nob head I fancied a ten hour wait to be told to make an apointment with my gp just cos I can.. no you stupid witch Im in pain and its all ouch n hurty"

can i describe the pain.. yep it feels like my liver is chewing its way out through my kidneys and an eagle has used its claws to tear out my spleen while a steam roller decided to go for a jaunt over my ribcage!! o0oo you want me to have some blood taken and you will give me pain killers inexchange for the blood.. hmmm let me think about it.. no no get back I DO NOT WANT OROMORPH its nasty and it makes me want to throw up everywhere .. oh christ no your putting a drip up no you cant have my hand to shove a venflon in it, cos its bloody mine thats why..no im not removing my clothes give them to me thats mine oi but i dont want a gown with a butflap and wheres my god damn pain relief??? o0o0o helloooooo whats this????an injection you say.. better than tramodol ?? ahuh ahuh i hear ya but its an injection.. no i want some pills then i can go home.. whadya mean i cant go home??? arghh no keep that needle at least 3ft away from me.. look the pain is gone im cured i can go home wheres my clothes. Collapsed ??? me?? on the floor?? all unconscious?? nooo dont be so silly i was just taking a closer look at the lovely floor tiles, oh i see thats my vomit is is?? well while im down here il clean it up shall i?? no no honestly im ok down here you just concentrate on finding my clothes so i can go home... nooooooooooo I.....DO ... NOT... NEED....THE..OH MY GOD WHYEEEEEE IS THE NEEDLE BACK, WHY ARE YOU PINNING ME DOWN??? NOOOOO ARGHHH NOOO OH MY GOD NOOOOO HELP STOP DONT.. OUCH.. is that wall moving? help he stabbed me with the needle you mean man.. ermm does anyone else see the giant bunny?? oh thats the porter is it well he has a lovely fluffy tail, do the ears run in his family???o0o0o loookie the floor is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay up there.. sit on the bed??? sure ok...you want me to lie down?? erm ok but your sure il be ok having a nap here in the shoe department?? giggling no not me cos its not funny is it o0o0o0 look the bunny came back here bunny bunny bunny... PAIN?? PAIN?? what pain??? no I have no pain im going to dance with the fire extingusher before the water cooler cuts in ARGHHHH SCREEEEAAAAAM NOOOOOOO look a giant bunny.. stay calm you say your not the one wearing a carrot costume, the what??? the side effects of the pethadine??? hmm peth-a-dine.. ah you mean the magik pixie juice in the little crystal tube with the unicorns horn on it that you stabbed in my ass yes yes it took the pain allllll awaaaayyyyyyy thanky you ta muchers now about these pain killing DRUGS i can have????





Ok so the casualty is on fire??? you want me to basically find a blanket, rugby tackle the person to the floor bundled in the blanket and roll them around while beating them??? Dont you think the poor person has been through enough already what with the whole being on fire thing without me crash landing on their heads with a blanket kicking the crapola out of them while rolling them about like a bit rolling thingy.. jeeeesus man have some compassion.. I hope I never spontaniously combust near you!!! STOP , DROP AND ROLL my ass .

macdonalds.. im NOT loving it
13:13 Mar 21 2007
Times Read: 555

No where else on earth can you get " a big mac with 15 burgers and 9 slices of cheese, enough fries to build a house, onion rings aplenty, apple pie so hot it could melt through lead and a DIET coke..and not look like a tosser!!

why do the staff there get gold stars?? is it for remebering to breathe, tying their shoe laces, lining up their brain cells and stringing a sentance together???.. theres the village idiot manning the tills with his t-shirt on inside out n back to front but bless him he is special, the two feotuses in base ball caps in the back frying patties providing the special dressing with their undulating pustules sucking up valuable o2 while some where somebody normal could be breathing that in and the fuck wit with a head set trying to take your drive through order



"so thats a fillet o fish, small fries and a scchxhxhx huhujidgfg fizz crackle pop "

"NO YOU PORTION OF SPOTTED DICK HEAD I WANT A MILK SHAKE, NO BURGER NO FRIES, NO SIDE ORDER, NO SALAD, JUST A BANANA MILKSHAKE PLEASE"

" do you want fries with that?"

" NO JUST THE SHAKE PLEASE"

" salad or another side order??"

* gritting teeth* " NO THANK YOU JUST ONE MILKSHAKE, PLEASE ALL I WANT IS ONE SODDING BANANA MILKSHAKE"

" do you want sauce with that?"

"WHAT??? NO I DONT WANT BLOODY SAUCE WITH IT , ITS A SHAKE YOU TIT !!! "

" what flavour would you like??"

" BANANA, BANANA YOU FUCKING MORON B-A-N-A-N-A- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD I WANT A BANANA MILKSHAKE THE ONE WITH BANANA WROTE ON IT, WHAT PART OF I WANT BANANA DIDNT YOU UNDERSTAND?? "

" we dont have any of that left"

* leaps out of car window drags spanner faced bag of monkey spank through serving hatch choking him with his head set wire* " FORGET IT FOR FUCKS SAKE FORGET IT MAY THE FLEAS OF A 1000 CAMELS INFEST YOUR CROTCH AND MAY YOUR ARMS BE TOO SHORT TO SCRATCH IT, ALL I WANTED WAS A BASTARD BOLLOKING SHAKE, IM NOT ASKING YOU TO GROW CHEST HAIR OR COUGH UP A LUNG.. HOW DID YOU GET TO BE SOOO STUPID DID YOU ATTEND SPECIAL TRAINING OR WERE YOU REALLY BORN WITH YOUR DEFICIANT BRAIN CELLS SHOVED WAY UP YOUR ASS?? I WILL TAKE A STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE INSTEAD.. AND NO I DONT WANT BUGGERING FRIES WITH IT!!!!!"