The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

this is not work it is hell with fleuorescent lighting



Im not laughing, Im deleriously insane



what part of fuck off didnt you understand??



who died and made you god



so this is where the freaks go when the circus closes



do i look like a fucking people person



your story really has touched my heart heres 10p fone some one who gives a shit



if I throw a stick will you leave??



dont touch me , my social worker says your not to touch my special places



if I was nicer I could be a bitch



sooo did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe???



dont make me come over there and kick your ass



dont make me hurt you



I see stooopid people



Im not deaf Im ignoring you



yes how FUCKING dare I stand here and swear infront of you FUCKING kids



of course I like you, if I didnt you wud be dead



hang on, lets carry on this convo after Ive had a jd



but whyeeeeeeee



Shhhhhh I cant hear the voices in my head



I heard voices in my head waaaaaay before it became a trend



but I dont wanna



this bites monkeys





I KNOW



WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE JD IS GONE???



where did you park your broomstick



I knew it was you your flying monkeys arrived before you



whats with the face did some one drop a house on your sister



click ya heels together 3 times n go fuck yaself



crap are you still here



the pixies did it



I dont know and I dont care



insanity doesnt run through my family .. it gallops



when I look at you I realise some village is missing its idiot



if your balls ever drop ul go blind



your about as much use as tits on a nun



who rents the vacant area where your brain should be



you have had more pricks than a second hand dart board



your about as much use as a cock flavoured lolly pop



2000 sperm in each ejaculation and YOU were the fastest swimmer



if you get any closer to me ul need a condom



if in doubt blame some one else



I used up all my sick days so im calling in dead



IMPULSIVE.... no marrying your one night stand in vegas is impulsive .. this is right up there with diving into a shark tank wearing a steak n kidney bikini

So there I am minding my own bussiness happily entertaining myself and off you go like a bloody rocket,, dragging out the soap box getting ready to have a witter at me....." your dog pooped on the carpet"..... " your dog ate my shoes".. " your dog is evil"... " your dog dragged me across a busy rd and savaged a girraffe!!" blah blah blah witter bitch moan BORING.

Its my dog when it craps in your shoes eats the floor and dismembers pensioners but when cute girls come up n pet him he magically transforms into your oh so cute come touch him he likes to be stroked puppy..I should be mad at you for pimping out my dog.. Oh you havent finished the whinging .. more cheese with your wine.. no really do go on Im really interested..

ah ok dont get out of your pram just because I used your toothbrush to clean the taps , groom the dog and poke a dead hedgehog with.. after all its not like you EVER use it, do you mind Im trying to listen to the muse and think up many painful and evil ways to kill you.. and yet you still go on and on and bloody on and ariston re record not fade away jesus christ I wonder if I killed you I would get let off for provoked attack, diminished responsibility and temporary insanity??If you dont shut Im gonna leap over the sofa, rip your heart out and squeeze it till it bursts then shove it in your mouth to see if that shuts you up.

Its not that I dont like you I guess you have kinda grown on me , a bit like the mould you have growing under your armpits for the love of all things holey HAVE A WASH.. whenever you enter a room Im like " bloody hell what died???" Ive smelt dead bodies that have laid in baths full of water for weeks on end with the heating on full blast and compared to your " distinctive aroma" the smell of their necrotic and decaying flesh was chanel no. fucking 5 !! One of the reasons I like you is because Im developing " stockholme syndrome" you know where if you hold someone captive after a while they start sypmethising and understanding their captore??? But please for the love of jesus fecking H christ and his 7 dwarves try and discover just once this year what can be accomplished if you actually put water in the bath while you sit in it!!!!

If you love someone set them free if they come back shoot the fucker for leaving you but come on at least let me leave the house for something other than work without needing to explain my every movement, your not the boss of me and just cos im under your roof dont mean i have to live by your rules cos lets face it if i did Ide be an unwashed, unkempt, uneducated, unsociable,unco-operative under acheiver with a chip the size of mars on my shoulder!!!!

NO I dont want a "brew" and dont ever touch me I havent had a rabies shot yet damn you and if you tell me "YOU KNOW" just one more fricken time Im gonna take you out back and kick you in the ass so hard ul be spitting nike sole for a month, force feed you your own rancid socks, make you dig your own grave with a spoon then rip out your voice box and beat you to god damn mother fucking death with it till you die and when your dead Im gonna sit on the pile of freshly dug earth and think... " That will teach the fucker for drinking the last of the jd then having a rant at me!!!"