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am hereby tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided that I want to accept the responsibilities of an eight year old again. I want to go to McDonalds and think it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across puddles and make ripples with rocks. I want to think Smarties are better than money because you can eat them. I want to return to a time when life was simple: When a 'Race Issue' meant arguing about who ran the fastest, When it wasn't odd to have two or three 'Best friends'. When it was unbelievable that 'Kerby' wasn't an Olympic sport. When the worst embarrassment was being picked last for the team. When icecream was concidered a basic food group. When football cards could transform any pushbike into a motorbike. When all you knew were colours, mutiplication tables and nursery rhymes; but that didn't bother you because you did not know what you did not know and you did not care. All you knew was to be happy, because you were blissfully unaware of the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think that the world is fair and that everyone is honest and good. I dont want to worry if there are more days in the month than there is money in the bank. I want to believe anything is possible; to be oblivious to the complexities of life and to be over excited by the little things again. So, here are my car keys, checkbook, credit card bills and my security pass. I am officially resigning from adulthood, and if you want to discuss it further you'll have to catch me because.....TAG YOUR IT...!!!!

COMMENTS

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captainglobehead
22:42 Apr 30 2008

i love this.



i wanna play

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LilacHades
22:43 Apr 30 2008

*tags * captainglobehead.... *runs* ..ner ner ner your it .. you cant catch me for a penny cup of tea g'vnor !!!

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CryingMist
23:31 Apr 30 2008

I looooooooooooove kirby

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POST COMMENT

*text message*

-sir digby-18.50hrs-

hey ginger cutie, how was your day? ps. i missed you today



*text message*

-ginger-18.53hrs

it was mental, the customers were either arsey or dumb as a box of hair... beam me up scotty..ps i missed you too but thats cos i have a poor aim!!



*text message*

-sir digby-18.55hrs-

funny and pretty!!! its life jim, but not as we know it..customers suck and not in the good way!!! ps, do you suck in the good way?



*text message*

-ginger-18.57hrs

ah well nearly home time, s'pose i can spare ya a few hrs if your not too busy with the dead???

ps.. i prefer not to discuss my "sucking" habbits via text...your a bad bad man!!





*text message*

-sir digby-19.00hrs-

l0ok 0utside ginger, ps. nice rubber gloves



*text message*

-ginger-19.02hrs

all i see is some hot dude in a merc..classy..o0o0 he is wearing a suit , nothing like a bit of rough in a suit..ps want me to wear these pink marrigold gloves later?



*text message*

-sir digby-19.08hrs-

funny girl, hot dude in car is me, get your ass out here its home time. ps so long as you wear nothing but perfume and a smile with the gloves





*text message*

-ginger-19.10hrs

cashing up but keep getting broken off due to some random ass texting me, gloves were so i dont ruin my nails while i washed the coffee mugs..be gone so i can hitch a lift with the hot merc guy .ps always knew you had a rubber fetish





*text message*

-sir digby-19.15hrs-

are you done yet??? ps your hot when your pissed at me





*text message*

-ginger-19.17hrs

crap are you still here??? ps i get pissed at you alot so its a good job you think its hot





*text message*

-sir digby-19.18hrs-

i have jelly beans and take out for dinner, if i promise you a foot massage will you please hurry up? ps couldnt get vegas at such short notice will brighton do?



*text message*

-ginger-19.21hrs

holy crap!!! i just dropped the change drawer from the safe , the floor is covered in coins, give me 5 mins to sort it..ps..are you for real?



*text message*

-sir digby-19.26hrs-

5 mins is up ginger come out or im coming in.. i just saw you in the office window, i forget how pretty you are.. ps yes im for real hotel is booked fri-sun



*text message*

-ginger-19.29hrs

its a womans perogative to keep a man waiting,il be out by the time you finish reading this text, ps..one room or two??

COMMENTS

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captainglobehead
22:56 Apr 29 2008

Congratulations.

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POST COMMENT

" GINGER!!!!!.. listen up its sir digby here, It appears I'm locked out of my house . your mission shud you choose to accept it is to bloody give me a hand!! "



not the best way to wake up lol but when your drunken fellow evil genius rings at 3am you shove a coat on over your pjs and go help lol..so there i was 3.30am sat on the bench outside sir digbys with a bottle of jack daniels and a half smoked packet of fags while we shoved the world to rights while we thought up ways to get into the locked up house.. after about 45 mins and half a bottle of jd i asked sir digby to try the key again off he marched to the door turned the key to no avail then slid down the door with a sob saying thats it ginger we really are land pirates, i went to offer a comforting nicotine stick and noticed the front door was red.." o0o0o when did you repaint the door digby???" " i didnt" came the reply " er so why are we trying to get in a red door if your door is black???" ......yup you guessed it we had been trying to get into his neighbours house eek!!!!!



half an hour later with only a quarter of the jack daniels left sir digby slumped on the sofa with me and told me " i shurnt shay this burt i fookin luvs yous "

" digby.. who the fecking hell is burt?"



" ginger be sherious fer once ever ..can you?"



"o0o0o who peed in your hand bag diggers old boy??? "



" ginger am trying to tell ya i luffs yous very much and im fed oop of yous not being my girlfriend sooo will you marry me insted?"



"fook off diggers your pissed you old soak lol no wait..vegas..elvis..circus midgets???"



" ginger i fooking hate yous, everytime everytime i try you open up a 3 ring circus and go off on a tangerine, tangert oh i dunno"



" tangent diggers , now go to sleep !! "

once the light was off i cudnt go to sleep , i laid there listening to the snores .....so i finished off the rest of jack .. woke up with the hang over from hell , slip knot held a concert in my head last night ... over tea and toast diggers looked at me " you never answered me last night?".....(oh fook panic panic i thought he was too pissed to realise)



then he laughed loudly like a mad man



" sir digby your a fucker i hope you choke on your jam n toast"



AND I KNOW YOUR READING THIS DIGGERS YOU FUCKING LUSH....SO THE ANSWER IS ...LETS BOOK IT ...YOU, ME, ELVIS.. THE CIRCUS MIDGETS .....NOW LETS SEE WHO IS LAUGHING LOL .....p.s give me my slippers back my feets is cold ..or fear the wrath of fridgid toes on naked skin !!!!

COMMENTS

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captainglobehead
14:01 Apr 27 2008

So you're taking the big step with Sir Digby? That's wonderful. I pray for your happiness.

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POST COMMENT

table for two.. the waiter asked

no can we have one for 6 please ..i replied , my friend and i were the first of our party to arrive..

no madame im sorry 2 people may only request a table for two...

well where the hell will my friends sit, i cried loudly my friend turned to the waiter and said.. you dont realise but she has multiply personality disorder but thinks her other personalities are actual real people like you or i, so if you want to avoid a scene ide seat us at a tabel for 6. Eager not to create a show piece in his dining room the waiter seated us in the far corner at a large table. when we were seated he asked if we required drinks " 3 bottles of chardonay " i replied as he poured the first glass i pointed to a table across the room and said in a low whisper to the waiter " you see them ...right???" he replied he did and looked at my friend as if to say " wtf??" so i decided to push it further , pointing toward the empty door i said loudly " oh my god where will you sit those ppl, the room is gonna be so crowded and we have no room at our table " again trying not to cause a scene the waiter said " dont worry madame we will seat them all and have still have plenty of room.. i then turned to my friend and said " who is he talking about there is no-one there" the waiter looked so embarrassed but kept quiet, to be fair he looked after myself and the party i was with fantastically which showed in the tip i left for him .. as we left the coat check girl slipped a piece of paper in my hand presuming it was a receipt for the coats i had checked, i shoved it in my pocket , once out in the car i opened it .. it read..

" cute but crazy call me ..07%**^%$£""....from the amused guy at the table across

p.s. please dont keep me on my toes as much as the poor waiter ."

COMMENTS

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captainglobehead
13:34 Apr 27 2008

You are delightful. I'm sure you would keep anyone on their toes.

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POST COMMENT

It seems these days if Im not cleaning it, counting it or moving it then its not on my to do list at work.. joy of joys the delivery fairy has been and left me with 7 pallets of hair color, leg wax , perm solution etc etc to find homes for.. first I unpacked the boxes and built my self a fort, then i made the largest box into a boat and set sail for the other side of the store room, what did i find there.. a pirates booty of intersting samples left by various reps.. cue me now having a great big purple streak down the side of my hair on one side and a green one on the other...harhaaaarrrrrr matey it didnt fecking say it wasnt temporary color on the label, did it now???

anyways lunch time came and so did my sandwhich via special delivery from sir digby , he advanced across the poop deck dropped a ham and pepper chiabata in my lap and retreated to the dry land of his office wittering something about me being "impossible" , my boss then tried to climb aboard and explain the shop floor needed the hair colors pronto and i was to get my ass into gear or she wud open fire and sink my battle ship..i swiped my broom handle of a sword at her and told her to swab the deck or visit davey jones locker , she threatened to have me sectioned under the mental health act .



So here i am back on the dry land of my home with my dog trying to teach him to say " pieces of eight" for a sausage , thinking maybe i shud switch to decaff!!!!!!!!?????????

the exciting adventures of sir digby chicken ceasar and his crabby assistant ginger!!!



after one too many bottles of wine and a session of moaning on about life being a little dull and too predictable sir digby ( jason) and ginger (myself) ( named after the mitchell and webb land pirate characters on tv) ran to the train station and thought "lets just get a train to the coast " after half an hour we were on a little train heading for the coast of whitby ( whoohooo dracula and the gothic abby) on the train journey ( we both looked a right pair me in vintage silk and him in a suit ) we chattered away and made fun of each other which is how we came up with the idea we were posh land pirates as we didnt have a clue where to stay for the night...when we arrived in whitby we booked into a hotel ( seperate rooms i might add) and headed to a grocery store and bought 3 bottles of veuve clicqout vintage champagne and some plastic champagne flutes ( oh how decadent) and sat in the band stand overlooking the sea chatting watching tthe world go by and laughing at the odd looks we were getting from passers by.....................arrived back at hotel very tipsy.





next morning we assessed the damage, one ruined hugo boss suit ( grass stains and a burn hole from an illicit shared cigar ) and one ruined vintage silk dress ( champagne stains split seam from fence climbing and mud on the hem) and wandered into town for jeans and sweaters huddled into our jackets giggling about our ruined clothes .. after a day wandering around the gothic town and centuries old harbour we decided to make our way home .



today ive spent the morning relaxing and texting jace we think we should be able to set loose sir digby and ginger again and have another mad adventure, only next time we will prepare and at least pack a bloody corkscrew xx

I have just been on the most bizzare date ever, firstly we changed the time from dinner at 8 to an early dinner of 5.30 as we both finished work at the same time...when i got to the resaurant the maitre de showed me through from the bar to where jason was waiting, he stood up as i approached ( hmm well mannered i like that) and apologised for his "atire" ( 3 piece black pinstripe suit..smart..thats good too) i asked if he had to wear the suit for work and jason blushed a deep shade of crimson, it was then i realised i didnt know what he does for a living..so i asked..." funeral director" came the very quiet reply.

At this point i burst out laughing , i pointed out that my work uniform was everything in black and that we matched ,both in black 3 piece suits him with a white shirt and black tie me with a white deep v shirt and skull and cross bone neck scarf....



I guess i should explain how the date come about...every day i walk past what looks like a very ordinary office with blinds( i did not know it was a funeral parlor), every morning at 7.30am regular as clockwork for the last 3 week i have wandered past not realialising i have been watched by not one but 3 guys ....jason ( my date) told me he sits by the window watching for the girl with the red shoes, bag and lipstick to pass his work place wondering how he can approach the " girl with the ipod and the far away look on her face"...every day for 3 week his collegues tried to come up with an exscuse for him to chat to me..................



last friday when i passed jason noticed " the girl" (me) wasnt looking too good, she looked tired and drawn , the far away look replaced by a resigned one and he felt sad , worried about me all weekend and on monday he noticed "the girls" dark circles under her eyes and he "broke his heart" that she could look so sad.. he watched her pass and kept watch to see where she went ( o0o0o stalkerish) and noticed that she headed to the business park higher up the rd, after asking about in various units he discovered she worked in unit one and decided to pop up.... tuesday morning he watched her pass then waited a few hours, walked up to the unit and asked to speak to " the girl" , the girl came out of the stock room and was handed a small bunch of lillys ( my fave flower which jason admited over the main course as well as the reason why he asked me out , was pilfered from a display in the funeral parlor) by a rather shy looking guy who then explained he hoped she was ok would she like to go out for dinner the following evening.

Is this the start of a something new and exciting or am i being stalked by a member of the addams family....????

Did i leave lipstick kisses on him ...???? .thats for me to know and him to brag to his mates about lol.



either way i was very humbled that someone i never knew exsisted cared enough to worry about me an entire weekend on the basis of me looking sad and tired



so no matter how much it sems your world is crashing down around your ears and splitting at the seams just remember someone somewhere is missing your smile and wondering how you are x