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Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart, for my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had, a chipmunk??



Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.



I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)



Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me.



I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt, and a car hit me.



I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!



WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

COMMENTS

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ThothLestat
14:56 Mar 31 2009

ha ha ha... I was at the store a few months ago buying cans of ALPO for my dogs and ground beef & beans to make chili. The cashier asked if I had a dog. I told her no; ALPO is the 'secret ingredient' in my chili.



She was horrified, too.

People are so effin' stupid.

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POST COMMENT

The commanding officer of a regiment in the U. S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his staff, battalion and company commanders.



While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.



He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.



He posed the question of just how much of sex was work, and how much of it was pleasure?



The regimental executive officer chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.



A captain said it was 50-50%.



The colonel's aide responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the time.



There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?



Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, 'Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure.'



The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?



'Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them.'