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so i hardly slept last nite, and i pulled an all nighter today. i love stayin up lets me be by my self and think.

ive been so confused my feelings are all messed up, my ex meghan im still in love with her, i broke up with her cause of alll the drama she had, and i startd dating lisa, i should love her honestly i dont know y my heart doesnt belong to her. shes perfect, shes amazing, she never complains or bitchs. but for whatever reason my heart still rests with meghan my ex. idk why i cant give you reasoning behind it. but i kno im in love with meghan, i want to be with her again.. but i dont kno how to break up with lisa i could be an ass and say something mean and then have her end it, but i love her as a friend but thts all. i dont want to hurt her i cant hurt her, shes my closest friend she helped me threw everythin. idk if its possible to break up with someone without hurting them.

i so wish i stayed single and just did my thing, i would've relized im supposed to be with meghan and nothing would be wrong right now. i wouldnt feel like shit wen i kissed lisa, i only think about meghan wen i kiss lisa, well most of the time at least. i aint sure what to do, maybe i should just stay with lisa. im stil happy with lisa i guess. maybe today wen i see her i could end it.

i just dont wanna lose her, she is an amazing girl. pain doesnt last forever but i dont even wanna picture her crying. i couldnt take it i care to much about other ppl thats my problem. i kno how it feels to be hurt, to have your heart broken, i dont wanna make anyone feel like tht. but is it worse tht im just dating her because i dont want to hurt her? ill figure it out eventually i hope.

this is why i get so frustrated with love, i thought i loved lisa but then i lisen to a song and hear my exs voice and i relize tht my feelings for lisa were forced. im so stupid i shouldnt have just jumped into a new relationship. deep down i knew this would happen. i guess i just have to be strong and dump lisa. its for the best.

Meghan is rly just adorable she wrote me notes called me daily try'd to help me wen i was feeling down. the last time i saw her she like fell over i had to catch her cause well i apparently do tht to her haha. she makes me feel so good u should hear some of the things she has said she was amazing. she was so energetic and out goin wen she was with me then wen i left she became so shy and quiet. she seriously made me feel good i loved it. she does have a jealousy problem. haha. and sometimes a huge bitch but shed always make up for it. she got me to stop gettin drunk as much as i was, i went like 2 months straight of drinkin every nite, and she litterally saved my life. No one else wouldve done wat she did. shes so beautiful too, i loved love everythin about tht girl. she was such an amazing kisser the best kisser i have ever kissed, she made me feel like i was on the top of the world like a lil taste of heaven everytime we kissed.

but knowin my luck she will hook up with someone the day i break up with lisa haha. its up to the big guy to decide if i can be with meghan. i think regardless of what happens meghan and me will be together, u just hope it doesnt take long, and i can keep ljsa as a friend.

i doubt anyone is gonna read this its like a fuckin essay, but if u do read this please message me help me figure out wat to do. thank you for reading :)