The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Joe and the Law (Saturday morning hangover)
15:09 Jul 29 2006
Times Read: 569

Last night a friend IM'ed me about 1AM begging for help. It would seem her world had been turned upside down, and being the richously vigerous defender of my friends that I am I was on top of it. I proceeded to get into a heated verbal argument with said person's mother. Now I am not entierly sure of the ground which is under foot, what is truth and lies for it would seem this friend of mine had been lieing to me for years if I am to believe what I was told. Which...I generally do not, words where passed back and forth, quibs and insults, and than 2AM and They called my house threatening to call the police and so on for litrally no reason. Now anyone who has read my journals will see I am not quite prone to violence without neccesity. And here are people screaming into a tele at 2AM threatening my life, I assure you had I not been drunk these hands would be blood stained right now. Onward, after trying to rectify things, where mind you there was only some blind rage directed at me it was told a lawsuite would be filled because I made this statement " Look I don't care about what you've got to say, Where is my friend god damnit, Don't make me kick your door in to get to her. Where is She , is she ok?" Mind you I was drunk, but they think that this statment which is an emotional outburst at best would lad me in jail. Moving on, the situation comes to a violent climax over the phone, and not by my side of the argument. Less than an hour later I have the same asshole who was threatening my life calling my home saying he was the police. Who ever heard of the police calling someone's houe at 3am to tell them not to call someone. If a threat was made and the police called, regaurdless if said callers wanted to press charges there would of been a detective at my door shaking me from my bed. This is something I know a wee bit about..So it stands to reason that they think I am some kind of simple minded fool who is just going to accept this....Of course without word from my "friend" any action would be illy undertaken, still I feel like going to kick their fucking door in just to give them a reason to bitch...I find it amusing the lengths that some individuals will go in attempts to "scare" people they think below them...It's kind of pathetic really but selavie...You would think one's parent may be impressed by the depths of devotion and love that their child had been able to draw out of people, no. None at all only more blind and ignorant anger...I have the urge to see how far I can push before the police really do become involved..I hate lacking intel.

03:19 Jul 29 2006
Times Read: 566

On and On...and On.



The world turns and we are still where we where ten minutes ago. Perhaps ten or twelve feet from the point. Most likely sitting in the same exact seat with the same posture. It never ceases to amaze me how a world in motion could be so stagnant, and yet...we not it are. For all of the progression one might make, for what purpose do you progress? I think I'll take a drive , nothing better than speed, and it's subsequent cool air flow to clear one's head.

Songs that Remember
01:40 Jul 28 2006
Times Read: 568

To long for a love never adored before it had vanished from your gaze. Sitting in ponderance over the mistakes and regrets which make up the chain of events that is life. The steady progression of a heart breaking, understanding that all is for nought lost in a cataclysmic event that loops just there behind fluttering eye lids, casting shadows across pale flesh already drawn tight with the lines of...and it eats you alive inside out, yearning for what you strove so hard to cast away , a habbit you can't seem to kick. These melodies remember her name when my lips will not let the word pass. Her eyes and her hands, her body against mine at 3AM like the world was the smallest box warm and content safe from night mares and the horrors of the world, understanding in the end it all comes down to a falacy, a self imposed happiness that leaves as she does, and she never did enjoy it to begin with...



My Soul Aches.

Falls Apart
21:39 Jul 27 2006
Times Read: 572

So sick and tired of being sick and tired it's tearing me apart. Feeling as if falling always now and forever till the day I die I do not see an escape from this constant preassure. This is failing without style , this is the graceless decent to the bottom. No-one is holding my hand , all alone on the way down and I'm really starting not to give a fuck. Fuck your love, and your emotions, fuck your money, and everything that makes you perfect. Imperfect to the last drop I am the disease life, feel me coursing through your veigns, vengful like battery acid on your soft well preserved flesh. See these scars? 8 hours a day for two years of hard labor to try and fail to make ends meet, and now thats gone, left twisting in the wind without direction , im climbing to the bottom of a bottle to escape this rage, it works temporarily, this is not life. This is a lie, a falceto smile for the fools who know no better. All the determination in the world and not an ounce of will. self hatred replaces self assurance and there is little left. Tearing myself apart at night simply because I can not, not do so and I'm tired of "living" a life that is not living, just a slower death than slitting these battered wrists. I can't type this anymore...I wish I could describe this horrible feeling, your all better off without it.

Slow.
01:58 Jul 26 2006
Times Read: 577

A slow trembling beat takes my hand, feeling like the flesh of the dieing man, withered fingers around the wrist and one wonders if they envy the youth of taught flesh and fine hair. To wither and die, to fade away and watch it happen. Running from the inevitable eternally with surgery with pills and fantasies....Such a strange dream that of eternity, is it ego that fuels the search for the philosopher stone or fear which prevades our every waking moment.

. . . ( The dots have it.)
23:12 Jul 24 2006
Times Read: 585

Sunrise, Sunset, and on. Clouds carried across the endless skies upon unseen air currents or by the breath of Gia or God. Days pass, time goes by, time does not pass. How many times have I been sitting here, typing, smoking, listening to these head phones. How many times have you sat there, in that way that is your way doing what it is you do, and you do. Repedative patterns dictating the motions of our lives, with-out the will to, the strength to step beyond the circles that spiral around your. A shabby one lane road running the length of our time here in this life, the next, or that time which we spent no longer associated. An arrogant idea in and of itself time, to believe ourselves capable of measuring the movements of the universe through a theory of assumed foreward motion. Anyways...

You only think I'm here
05:58 Jul 24 2006
Times Read: 586

Over extended dreamping, to many hours in to count backwards, the sheep have all gone leaving the arid empty sky overhead, blackand star speckled and just as disgusing in it's graceful beauty as it ever was, feelings out of body discomforted within, the flesh is not crawling, i am crawling within the flesh...sleep will not come easy tonight...5 hours and counting..tick- tock.

retrospect
15:25 Jul 22 2006
Times Read: 590

It's siturday and I think it is going to be a long one. Friends are calling for me to join them in distant towns and towers and I do not move...it's early yet and even now they wait in the wings for my responses...who am I to dictate decision of situation or desire? I am but I and nothing more but to them I am a leader, a position which I never asked for, nor desired. I do not follow nor do I leed, I have choosen to simply coexist with the world around me, saddly over the past few years I have found such is not possible if you desire to have roots and bonds in this dimension.. Alass it comes to this and I must say..." Bring me my sword." tonight we go to war.

marked.
19:22 Jul 21 2006
Times Read: 598

My rating update page says I've been marked, I went through all the lists on the marks page and could not find mine...Than again I dont put a whole lot of faith in that page anyways, the information there is horrendously inaccurate when compared against my actual data...Than again who cares...Shadow or Sire makes no difference to me, my writing shall be the same and the pages will not change....If I earn some monicer of respect in this place it will be through my views and my words , not because a little number next to my name says I am better than you, I am not, nor are you better than me...The Prince to the pauper we are all but canteens of flesh filled with the red red cruvy...How I got to this from my original point I could not tell you...simply winding along the channels of my mind....I feel baddly a member here made a post and I was most un supportive of her notions even though I agree with them..You know who you are and if you happen to read this, please accept my apology.



-end transmission-

I had to.
19:47 Jul 20 2006
Times Read: 600

Poe -- [noun]: A brand of soylent green breakfast cereal 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

un-well
17:19 Jul 20 2006
Times Read: 601

Alright so, my head is killing me, I have a fever, and my stomache is in knots. I have and always have had a weak immune system but lately it seems to be getting worse, there is seriously something wrong with me or the world around me, or perhaps it's my imagination but I don't fancy myself a hypcondriace. Whatever the reason is I'm home from work 4 hours early and I tried to lay down but it didn't work to well...And now I'm sitting here and it isn't working so grand either..I would walk but I don't have the energy...I mean really what can you do in the middle of the day when you've seen all the movies and played all the games, and your feeling to shag ass horrible to pay attention to much at all...not sure I think I'm going to go try to figure that out. I just wanted to let all of you know I didn't feel well, everyone should pitch in and order Joe some soup for delivery.

Goodnight 7/19/06
05:16 Jul 20 2006
Times Read: 603

Washing away the last traces of taint from his flesh as he sits with the day's last cigarette. Five hours in and he'll be dirty again, Every bone aches two years in and he's wondering how much more he can stand. How many times must you be told your destined to fail before you falter, onto your knees now beg for mediocrity, I'll slit my throat first smiling ear to ear with death's cruel embrace, before I walk the path they set before me. Inside his chest he feels like a kid again angst ridden and go nowhere, but once you've hit bottom, where else is there to go?



"It's only after you've lost everything, That you are trully free to do anything."

-Tyler Durdhan.

because I feel like it.
23:15 Jul 19 2006
Times Read: 609

(Lennon/McCartney)



Here I stand head in hand

Turn my face to the wall

If she's gone I can't go on

Feeling two-foot small



Everywhere people stare

Each and every day

I can see them laugh at me

And I hear them say



Hey you've got to hide your love away

Hey you've got to hide your love away



How can I even try

I can never win

Hearing them, seeing them

In the state I'm in



How could she say to me

Love will find a way

Gather round all you clowns

Let me hear you say



Hey you've got to hide your love away

Hey you've got to hide your love away

Mistakes and Regrets
02:20 Jul 19 2006
Times Read: 616

Where to begin, at the end would be best. Without an opening line if possible. Have you ever done something incredibly dense, and failed to realize it untill it was done and you couldn't take it back...Right now I wish I could throw myself over the ledge of a very tall building, if anyone would like to assist me...yeah... I am...a complete jerk off and I should be put down immediatly, that is all thank you.

On the shores.
17:20 Jul 17 2006
Times Read: 623

A mile off shore he lay in the salty drink his body boyant without effort beneath the setting sun, and no though to the return trip She stands on the beach with arms over head calling across the distance and the sound does not carry. Unconcerned and consumed wholly in the beauty of his solitude he let's the waves carry his form deeper into their unforgiving grasp till there is naught but a thin line seperating the two directions....slowly he turns and kicks against the back surge riding foreward wondering if he'll feel the sand again before he sinks, and finding that either option is as grim as the other, what to do when you've really got no good reason to go on...questions questions no answers, I feel like I never did return, that perhaps I am still out there in the steady silence of the Atlantic and if not than she does make a good case of calling out my name...

mix it. (pick me up)
16:28 Jul 17 2006
Times Read: 625

sitting in the kitchen mixing up the daily doses of your home brewed concoction, shaking limbs and it's all the trembling wrist trying so hard to disperse a teaspoon of sugar into the medication, call an ambulance and beg for a vitimin C, adrenline, morphine, cocktail. He said something for the pain in me he said something to let him breath in the waking world free from the haunting reminders of nightmarish dream scapes, and the saddness in her eyes across the intraversable distances, every ache intensifies and he says...just a pick me up, please.

Your halos falling down. (no editing)
05:18 Jul 17 2006
Times Read: 630

Swimming thrugh a sea of crisme adoration, we drift transient on the waves, with miles between our aching hearts, somehwere from the darkened sky the soft opera of our requium is being sung as we are submerged in blood and tears, of joy as despair baptised on a moonless night in the ways of truth and sorrow, voices carrying across ashen fields, the laughter and chanting of the wraith and the fae intoxicating and ....





And I have work soon so saddly I'll cut that there and take my leave of the rave.

Whisper (and don't you know it)
02:36 Jul 17 2006
Times Read: 634




"In the fading light a razor blade looks as good as any eyes ever have."



You fall in on yourself slowly, first the aching and than the agony..Writhing against the grainy sheets non existent finger nails dragging across dirty semi gloss..Eyes closed tightly against the movie screen ceiling, given life by the still shadows of a room without light at 3AM, and she said it knew all secrets. Now you wish she had been lying, or at least stayed laying there, and how long has it been, You can still feel her body beneath the layers of the bothers, you tremble. Bite into your lip to avoid screaming, these walls are paper thin you know, till you don't know anymore than the feel of cool carbon steel between your fingers tips. Skillfully the minute blade danced between bony, scared knuckles perfecting the teqnique had taken it's toll, he never minded the blood. The semi rough pads of his finger tips feel out the pattern of scars down his biceps, a soldiers strips earned through living to many long years. The creeping smile, and the soft music...Heres to another, and another. tracing out the lines of his life in delicate weeping smiles. He touched and tasted, savoring the slightly more metallic taste of his own blood and remembering her eyes. Innocent and wide, animalistic and wanting. His stomach knotted and he finished the ritual calm and well put together, like you would never believe the ghosts that are hiding in the closet...

the ghost life.
08:28 Jul 15 2006
Times Read: 639

Twist it in a lil deeper, and now it was the song titles carved into his memory, "my fork in the road, your knife in my back." pain like it'd come and gone to many times to count till it had taken away the last lymric of hope on it's sharp edge, watching across the room with darkened eyes, and everyone knows it isn't the kohl. HHw many lonly nights do spend wrestless and in some kind of over dramatacized anguish..this is just the way I am, I prefer for no-one to pay attention, up and down its no merry go round, it's a fucking roller coaster turned train wreck, emotional collapse causing a mental catastrophy, sometimes you can feel so damaged, used, and worthless...and still not give a shit that you more than feel..you are. Always lurking around the corner unwilling to admitt that you want her to look. She does not, and the world continues as normal.

Bad writing dont read it, just needed to get it outta my system
22:41 Jul 14 2006
Times Read: 640

" It's , ok just calm down, It's ok just breath."

IT IS NOT MOTHER FUCKIN OK YOU FUCK!



It is not fucking ok, it never was

Your leading the sheep to the shreded

How pathetic the trail of the still living dead,

Tripping their way through this life

As if it where some divine gift,

Foreward flip flux, fucking abandoned on the street and your laughing at this gun in your face, but I'm pulling the trigger,

Ha Ha your dead and it s all decay from here

my darlin,

As we scream out our irresponsible hate anthem and charge the gates,

Fuck your lies,

Fuck your politics,

Fuck it all, today everything you believe in will die,

We're holding the delicate thread that determines your time...

We've got the fuckin power, now fear for what you know shall come,

Reaping the rewards of the shit that you've sewn it's only right ,

The the selfish fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself with will be the coming darkness you fear,

These are my love marks,

Bloody, Ex's and Oh's carved into your chest ,

Do you still think I'm beautiful?

OK , ok , ok, ok, ok ext.
05:32 Jul 14 2006
Times Read: 643

Right, it's late. I'm tired this site and you people are fuckin addicting. I have to be up in less than five hours for work, and I'm still glued here...

This is where the glue melts and I chase myself into bed, I'm sure most all of you have no idea what this crazy kids goin on about, than again you don't really need to. Just be happy I said you where nice...not all of you mind you...just the ones that are....



sincerely,

Joe

Indeed
04:36 Jul 14 2006
Times Read: 644

So It's come to my attention that I am being stalked...and that I have a friend, however I do not know who either or these individuals are nor can I find out...

Hell maybe they are the same single person, either way knowing that they are there, and knowing that I am being watched..

To say the least is discerning, post a message damnit, send me something....

I really would like to know who's out there ...because not knowing just drives me up the wall with curiosity and we all know what happened to the cat...



sincerely,

YHB (your humble narrator)

truth
01:07 Jul 14 2006
Times Read: 648

Im not sure what it is about this place, or perhaps it's just a phase. I can't seem to be myself here, to write the way I do, maybe it's just a lack of inspiration...whatever it is, it's maddening. I quote..."That little sore on the roof of your mouth that would heal if you could just stop tounging it...but you can't."

It isn't a pleasent place to be...

The softest sound...
00:54 Jul 14 2006
Times Read: 649

The softest sounds pound against his ear drums,

To many decibels and to many cigarettes later,

He sits, stirs, sips the alcoholic concoction set before him, without hope there can be no heart...no heart no home, and it all went around again, tracing these psychotic circles in the sand, or in his flesh, the bitterest sweet taste ran the word purity right out the door, left for longing and sorrow...on and on and on and he can never seem to say quite what he means these days, she made sure of that...just broken enough to cease to function rationally driving him further down the rabbit hole, till there is no rabbit anymore or hole, just digging like broke down on the road to China with no desire to fix the car....

Et Randum (done quickly, no grammer check.)
01:00 Jul 12 2006
Times Read: 654

Scratching holes in intchy flesh, words in bold black across the page, and etched into my memory itchy tasty, she grinned...Another cigarette and the hours keep tick tocking bye haunted by memories, ill angels bearing sweet tidings and I often wonder about their true motives, dig a lil deeper delving further into the chaotic seas of internal strife. where are you going where did you come from?, could you be bothered to remember to involved with your self imposed pychosis...

Gnawing down past the nail wrapped in nerve wrecking anticipation of what comes next, to scared to breath and neive enough to be excitied he tastes blood and steps foreward into the onset of darkness, shadows crawl mocking bob dylan and john lennon, softly jeering monsters screaming as they throw their clawed fists against the wall.

Have you destined yourself to these illusions slowly degrading at the already battered coast of your mind, time progresses and the lines begin to blur, reality and dreams slip into the same sentence, reaching for her hand over the edge of the thirty-second floor rooftop just a few more inches and...If peace exists..I think it's colored green.

splinter
01:55 Jul 11 2006
Times Read: 656

Hidden within a haze he breath in the cancer and struck the light , consume the world in shdows and a soft pulsing beat invigorating an aching spine, and he said " I've never even done X." She smiled and laughed, almost as good as a valium might of been.



No-where to go now, gas costs to much..Maybe the weekend, maybe not...Something is craving human contact, or maybe I am and unwilling to admitt it...



Maybe I'll just sketch them instead of talking, it's usually less painful to endure..and I quote.." did that sound bitchy? I hope that didn't sound bitchy."