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haha okay so I was at Tamy's house today and we were looking at a picture of some wierd, but hot guy she used to date and she said, "Is he on asteriods or something?" hahahahaha I said, "Tamy, don't you mean steriods?" hahahahhaha I love my brazilian best friend!

It had beenn storming a lot lately and my mom was talking on the phone with mamaw and my mamaw suddenly said to my mom, "Well, shitfire, it's raining pitchforks and ethiopian babies out here!"

hahahahahaha

Was everything just too good to be true? We were doing so well that you got scared and backed out. Damn it, I thought you were different, apparently I thought wrong. We weren't in love, but what we had was something great. But if this is God's will, that we shouldn't be together, than I guess we shouldn't. I'm just ready to not be hurt anymore.

Always going never knowing who can help because you know there's no help. He isn't coming back, you're not okay, you see him everywhere, everyday, but he isn't there. You hear him, his voice so beautiful and pure, like the soothing sounds of ocean waves.



I'm drowning, I can feel my throat burning, my body aching, from being traapped and suffocated by your crashing waves that swallow me whole now. I do not reach out for help, I know there is none. I have stopped hoping, whihch is good, because it's my hope that kills me. I know why this tragedy has come, it was my fault, I failed miserabley and lost my only love. Now there are no dreams and no love left for me in this lifetime. I am stuck in a dark abyss, forcing myslef to move and breathe and function. I tried to not think of him, to push him from my mind, but I realized that even if I feel pain thinking of him, I relish in it. I would rather feel the pain and sting of long lost memories, than lose him forever and be numb, feeling nothing at all. Life feels as if it's slowly draining out of me, as if someday I will be nothingness.



I've stopped fighting. I don't keep his memory alive. I've began a new journey in my life, I can now see the beauty in life and this world. Each day is still a challange though, I take it one day at a time. i cannot listen to music, I've lost taste for most of it. I was once in lust I realized, and then I was in loss...



I go on now, happier and better without you. I am finally myself again and this wilted rose has now blossomed and bloomed into something beautiful again.