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19:10 Sep 07 2010
Times Read: 470
Until recently I had never realised how isolated as a person I am, how unable I am to connect properly with other people. It's like I have a certain point that I let people reach, but if they try to go deeper, to become a true friend I just shut down and stupidly run away. The problem is I don't know what I'm running from, or running to for that matter.
I guess it would be easy to blame my childhood, it's certainly the cause of my lack of trust and cynicism, but surely there must come a point that no matter what has happened, it is the past and as an adult I must take responsibility for myself. At the same time I probably could blame a loner nature and cringing shyness, but are they a cause and not just symptoms of a bigger problem?
The truth though if I'm to be completely honest, is most likely the fear of being found out.
Not because I'm dishonest or have anything to hide, but because I have never learnt how to interact properly. When others were learning how to play the social game, I had my head in a book trying to pretend there wasn't a world around me, or I was off somewhere by myself staying as far away from people as I could. The few times I did try making friends just seemed to underline my lack of social skills and understanding.
So...
Where does it leave me now.
No where and nothing are the first answers that come to mind. I have spent much of my adult life watching from the darkest corner trying to understand the rules of socializing, but in my need to learn I have found instead that I just get more confused.
People are basically strange.
14:45 Sep 06 2010
Times Read: 480
Salutations
This profile is the dark, lost and lonely side of me, so don't expect it to make sense for the darker emotions of human nature rarely do.
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