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For the past two days I have faced an interesting quandry. Do vampires know religion? Do they have faith? Do they know 'a' religion?



These are very well asked questions, most of which are avoided, unfortunately. Due to; anger, age, lack of interest, superiority complexes (ye Gods, we couldn't possibly suffer from that! We are immuned!) we don't linger on this.



The Vampire Church, which I am do visit every now and again, states quite clearly "Vampirism is NOT a religion, so therefore it is not a relious institute." With this understood, there's still this unending question "What do vampires believe in?"



Most, (mind you, most), vampyres are awakened from their dormancy in their earlier years from perhaps a traumatic situation. Either it may be their age, background, or whatnot, they will even unconsciously bring with them their very fiber of beliefs, one way or the other.



Do you see a vampire in a church during mass? Probably not, but that's not to say there are not any catholic/christian vampires.



Sounds ridiculous doesn't it? But think on this for a moment, just because of what you are, does it change what you believe completely? Can the darkness really overtake your faith in yourself or of a Higher power completely? I doubt that very much.



In fact quite the opposite, it is that very faith in "something" that keeps up from giving into our beast. This strives us to be better than that which we are, with our unusual (unique) conditions/abuilities.



"Monsters we are, lest monsters we become."



Some of us have honed our abuilities to help the sick. Sensing an illness of somesort in the blood, knowing of dangers to protect our human family, one way or another. What good would it be for us to have such gifts if we cannot help the ones we love?



This is a moral decision made, either consciously or unconsciously, to use for good. Is that in of itself a form of selflessness? We are not immuned to such things. We can still feel, love, cry, grieve, such as humans do, albeit more intensely.



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Today I had done something special. For myself. If anyone else appreciates this, it is for each and everyone to grasp on his/her own level.



For more than 16 years I have lived with the intense guilt after hunting/feeding. The morning after I am overcome with grief and selfloathing. There is nothing one can do, it is only mine to deal with when it happens.



My methods I like to keep to myself, for those that don't know me. Though I am getting the courage, slowly, to write in my journal directly from my Book of Shadows my experiences growing up. That's for another rant however.



First I am an a High Priestess of Wicca, then I am considered the High Priestess of my former House, thirdly I am an ordained Minister of the Universal Life Church, plus (though I am guilty of this, cause I haven't written in ages "my bad") I am a member of the Aquarius Church of Enlightenment.



What does all this mean? Basically I can bless people, bury them, marry them, and go for long walks during my own House parties while my delivered pizza gets cold. *shrug. And on occasion I rant. Yes this is getting to my point.



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I went for a swim today. Before I did so, I said a prayer over the still water. Asked the Gods of the Night and Guardians of the Day to be with me to witness this act of Atonement.



The water was colder than I would care for it, but in my mood it was perfect. "Punishinly cold" I dove in as fast as I could. I'm happy to say I'm up to five laps in my inground pool, this time I was on a personal mission.



Each time I reached the deep end, I offered a prayer then dunked under, a sort of self baptism. Would our kind appreciate this? I doubt it. This'll make sense in a moment.



"May I feed without Malice"



Swimming backwards, allowing the water to hold me. Feeling the water settle, a moment of really understanding what I just swore before the Gods.



"May I never embrace Greed, in any of its forms"



"May I appreciate, protect, and be grateful for humans and all creatures for they are in my keeping."



"May I forgive myself, and be forgiven for my shortcomings"



Sitting on the small ledge, looking down at the sun dancing rainbows. Now feeling the cold take over me once again. The rainbows, fractured direct light, pierced through my skin. Slices that feel as if bathed in ice. This is my way of knowing they have heard and accept my creed.



Once the water was so cold, moving my fingers felt icy, I said "May the words said be consecrated to darkness"



With that I jumped in completely, freezing! Coming up I know that it was heard, taken, and accepted. Coming out of the pool, I closed "May it be done. By the Dark Gods. May the place be sacred always. Go in Peace."



Coming in the house, I remained silent. No music, no internet (ok, I turned on the laptop but that's it) no tv, only reflection of what was said and meant.



This is what makes me feel better, I pray it helps you through your dark times as well.