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Since I spent the week with my cousin and her boyfriend I hardly recognize myself! I went to Johnny B Good's and became friends with the dj there. I am positive no matter what the fuck dad throws at me, whatever money problems kick me in the ass. Where the fuck is this positive attitude coming from? However, since I have returned its like pushing me back and forth. Its very difficult like i'm not sure who I am. The dj from johnny's says I'm perfect. That's total bull shit! lol. Why? just because I'm nice? idk...

Its like where did that anxiety filled, wrist slicing, doesn't stand up for herself, does whatever others want to do no matter what it is girl go? I stand up for myself, I am taking risks, I may move in with my cousin and her bf. Its like Holy Fuck! :) I am still partially myself, only know i feel my age and its nuts! I didn't know 19 could feel like this! Still my family thinks I have a long way to go before living on my own, only I hope its within the next two years, no matter what, i believe i can do it if i am with Steph and Matt, the captain and the General of my fucked up life, they really know how to make a girl feel GREAT!