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Soo, I just found out these two guys are gonna teach my how to skateboard, you know how fucking long I've waited to learn, years! About the same time i wanted to get tattoos and peircing! When I was 15! Four years later, got my ears pierced, got a tat, working on the second, and learning to skateboard. WOOT WOOT! I'm freeaaken out!lol.

Why is it that people talk to me for a month or so, gain my trust and then fuck me over? Please tell me someone! I thought the majority of you out there were good respectful people, maybe I'm just meeting the fucken dudes who can't get laid and have to rely on a pic of someones tits to get the little pleasure that they can't ever get without their own hand! I can only take so fuckin much of that! Y don't i just become a fucken porn star so everyone can get a real good glance! I know not all of you are online are like that, but I mean come on! Can I atleast meet one nice guy on here for once that's my age that's respectful and sexy all at the same time? Yea, I know... In my dreams.

I was just reading through old journals, and old short stories. Its almost difficult to read, but when people say nothing is ever the same, it is most certainly the truth.



I get so angry, sometimes.

My blood boils, my words don't matter...

It's gonna take some time to get over this.



Tears fall from my eyes, I can't even explain to you why....

It's gonna take some time to get over, watch the clock tick as my moods change all over,

It's gonna take some time to get over this life- the way it goes and how it's gonna stay.

There are days when I am so far gone. I'm on the ground and I feel depressed and down.

No matter what comes to my mind I still feel like taking my life... Now I just need to clear my head and that's gonna take a while toooo...



My blood boils... words don't matter... life is ending...Tears fall from my eyes....



That was a song I wrote when I first left that place, the place my mother stuck me in the summer of 2008.

THere was no point in saying hello.

Every time I tried you seemed like my foe.



At special times you paid more atention.

When I wasn't myself, you acted like I was no longer on suspension.



It was from your house, and from your space, like I was sjust one of your life's mistake.

Truly I do not know what to say, as I wonder if it's going to stay, In your mind more than a second, or iss it jusst part of a running life lesson?



You have raised me to be your friend, a lower friend it is true,

But I just don't want to be afraid of you.



I know there is a certain way you wissh me to be. Expand my talentsss, my smartss, and my respects. Tell you when I go out, where I am going, and who I will see, but that is just not me.



Sometimes I may say it is fear, but that may not be my gear.

I want to know what it's like being my own burden.

Other times I don't want to be perfect, that's what scares me sometimes.

It scares me that I can't even explain to you my thoughts or the fines.

The fines that I pay, but not in cash, with danger, and tears, a reason to longer be here.



I guess I do not understand, do you lissten and do you care?

Do you mind if I sit in my bedroom alone, wondering if I should stay or go/

Do you mind if I ask a question and I am never ansswered. .

If my jokess seem stupid and no one laughss

Is life just one big faze, a time to get over?

When it ends, will it even matter that it's over?



I guesss I hear the sstandardss to be a good daughter, certain ruless to follow, and a role to play.

What if I don't want to play any longer?

At night in the dark, my feelings are sstill hurt, my mind is still corrupted.

I feel like I am not the son, the manly man, the strong dude you always wanted.



I play the few sports when I get the chance.

We play catxh in the backyard, I ask for advice, When thingss turn I ask for what's best.

THere is nothing more I need to say. I am mature enought not to run away. So give me your thoughtss and your wordss.

I am not trying to be sstrange or ubssurd. It is communication, and some game. I am your kid, not a stray.

Yes, I love the games, to learn what I van, I like to be nice, and excpet whom I can. But once I am pushed to the back, I am taken as a freak, and ignored like a leak, a drippy faucet. These words should have been spoken years in the past, but I was too scared to make emends. I was born with caring parents, keeping close. But once you scatter, I don't know what to do or what to think.

Maybe I am crazy, and I am blowing this whole ordeal out of proptortion.

Then again, I did not force this.

People come and go, but who made the rule that in my life they stick around for a few months and then disapear!

i meet someone and everything goes well and then one tiny thing comes up and I never hear from them again. can't I just know somone for at least a fuckin year, please! It's so dreppressing, the one thing I miss about grayling, all my friends, somedays I even miss my life there. But I for sure wouldn't want to go back to high school. I really have to go to college, what the hell is holding me back!?! What's wrong with me that I can't hold friends in the big city? What is so different? Do I just befriend the wrong people, or what the fuck do I do that makes such a strong human repelent!