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I couldn't sleep for shit last night. I don't even want to think about eating. I've been shaking since it happened. Everything was looking so perfect, but again, my life was torn away from me quicker than I could snap my fingers. All I want to do is drink and smoke. Thankfully those were my original plans. I want to get so fucked up that I don't remember this entire half year. I cried for a good hour last night. I want to again right now. I can't even talk to him, I can't even see him. For the next year and a half I will be nothing. I had a dream last night that I was looking at myself into a mirror, but I was transparent. I think that meant that a part of my soul was ripped out, because that's all I can think of right now. Nothing, I can't fucking think straight. I've never been this hurt in my entire life. The funny thing is that it's rather warm in my house but I am shaking like I'm about to catch pnemonia. It's just not fair.