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Lately, I have realized that I went through a period of feeling abandoned. Let me explain.



My husband went off to the Academy for his work. He was gone for 7 weeks. I know its not his fault, but its how I felt being on my own.



My Mate, here on VR, seemingly has disappeared. He has been MIA for almost two months, with only the occasional email to me.



As most of you know, I am a online vampire. Well, my online Sire, felt that when he was abandoned, it strengthened him. Hence, leaving a fledgling chyld, with little or no training, in charge. Me. I will admit it strengthened me, but made me depressed all the same. Not to mention, lonely, frustrated and feeling used. I handled any situation that came up and gained the respect of other elders in the community, but there were things that i wasn't capable of handling. I felt I was worthless, since my Sire believed that the respect and trust i had earned was from my association with him.



Then after being almost a month in my Coven, doing my best to gain favors (180 in one day), move up in the ranks, improve my profile. My Coven mistress contacted me asking about me. I was hot and i hope I didn't insult her. But I told her how i felt. Again, felt abandoned.



Since then everything seemed to change. I was feeling worthless, unloved, incapable of doing anything (or at least i was told that). My husband came home, I asked for my Release from my Sire and was promptly asked by 3 elders to join their ranks. I am now part of a clan that cares for me, protects me and will teach me what is missing in my training. (Morri and De, I love you two, Thank you.) I am now the Head of the greeting committee for the coven, to make sure nobody else gets left behind.



But what blew my mind is when i got sick. With my autoimmune disease, I prided myself on not being sick for 2 years. But I ended up in the hospital. The outpouring of love, from my online friends and my Coven, brought tears to my eyes. I hope nobody ever feels abandoned and if you do, yell and scream. Someone will understand, someone will care. Especially me.

COMMENTS

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shadowofmystry
19:36 May 13 2008

wow thats alot to deal with. I never feel abandoned but sometimes i feel like a boy toy like they want what i wont give and im not getting love.

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For those of you who have read my other entries you know that I have two autoimmune disorders. So, I have taken pride in not having a cough or a sniffle for 2 years, making sure i was healthy, eating healthy and exercising. Well, I guess my body decided that it wanted to tell me who was boss.

I thought it was the beginning of the flu, diarrhea and feeling nauseous. After being threatened by my husband and an online friend, I went to the urgent care center and promptly fainted in the waiting room. So i got a free ride to the hospital, where they kept me for like 9 hours. Verdict was.. Bladder infection, Ear infection and food poisoning. Hell i'm good lol.

My frustration is how hard it is to recover. I have rarely spent a day in bed, all day. To have to spend 7, just bewildered me. My mother and husband kept telling me its the MS keeping me from recovering as quickly. GRRRRRR.

Currently, before getting sick my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome has seemingly gone into remission, as i didn't have the fatigue or need to take a nap every day. Now its back with a vengence. I know stay healthy and maybe it will go away again. Keeping my fingers crossed.

COMMENTS

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shadowofmystry
19:38 May 13 2008

I hope you stay healthy i dont need you missing if i have a problem. But be careful.

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