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Appeal to my most primal instincts, and I will respond accordingly. ^_^

Found it!



A Cynics Translation of Shit Doms Say





"My submissives need to be sexually adventurous."

- I want to try a threesome. Yeah. Threesome. The epitome of my sex fantasies.



"My submissives need to be into domestic servitude."

- I finally moved out of my moms house and don't know how to work the washing machine. Or the dishwasher. Or the broom.



"I like power exchange."

- I have no clue what it means, but I expect you to defer to me on everything. Oh yeah, and call me Sir. Sir is awesome.



"I don't plan scenes."

- I don't negotiate.

- I'll drag you along with whatever ideas randomly pop into my head.

- So long as you don't scream or physically try to get away, I consider that consent.



"I'm the Dom and you're the sub. You have to do what I say." (Donated by beauty-kajira4SW)

- I can't get you to listen any other way, because I don't know what I'm doing.

- I'll throw a temper tantrum if I don't get my way.

- I'm going to abuse you, and want you to accept that.



"I want to break you." (Donated by beauty-kajira4SW)

- The more broken you are the more awesome I will seem to you.

- Broken toys are easier to control.



"I'm into financial domination."

- My power bill is overdue.



"I want you to find a third."

- Because I'm damned lucky to have gotten you after hundreds of copypasta messages were deleted. I know I don't have a chance of finding someone else.

- You are non-threatening to other women, whereas I am creepy.



"We should have an open relationship."

- I'm already seeing somebody else.

- I'll see other women. You can only see other women. Preferably in front of me.

- I'll see other women. You can only see who I approve of- which will be nobody.



"You should let me mentor/teach you so you can learn things and get a good start in the lifestyle."

- I want to stick my dick in it.



"The younger generation needs guidance." (Donated by Mr_Kai)

-I want to mold my own sex doll.



"I'm protecting my girl(s)" (Donated by GreyTweed)

- Making sure nobody figures out my partners are fucking the emotional equivalent of a spoiled toddler.



"I can't get involved in the local community because I'm too important, I can't be seen there."

- I'm a fucking pussy.

- I'm a dangerous player and don't want them to warn you about me.



"We should stay away from the local community. They suck."

- And they've told me not to return.



"You should stay away from the local community. They're terrible and I want to protect you from all the terrible doms."

- I don't want you to learn that my One Twue Way isn't.

- I want to protect my current relationship with my wife/girlfriend/sub/slave/whatever while keeping you on the side.

- I'm a dangerous player and don't want them to warn you about me.



"I have xyz number years experience in online domination and have decided to get involved in the local community."

- I expect hot bitches on my junk and doing what I want the moment I say I'm a dom.

- I don't actually have any idea what I'm doing.



"Send me your picture."

- I need wank fodder.



"No, I won't send you my picture."

- I look nothing like what I described and am verging on repulsive.



"Here, have a picture of my penis." (It's not a penis picture.)

- You better act like its awe inspiring.

- Mine is supersad, so I sent you a picture of somebody elses.



"My wife/girlfriend/sub/slave/whatever and I have an open relationship."

- No, we don't.



"I expect my submissives to be fit."

- If you don't fit the current ideal of beauty, then you are not attractive to me.

- I'll require you to constantly diet and work on your body, but I don't need any of that exercise or vegetables bullshit.



"I expect my submissives to be of exquisite beauty" (I actually saw that one!)

- I'm trying for a remake of Beauty and the Beast.



"Move across the country and live with me."

- I want to isolate you from everything you know so the option of "NO" becomes unfeasible for you. Buahahaha!



"Change your profile to reflect that all other doms/tops/masters/whatever must message me before messaging you."

- I'm an insecure twat.

- You are way out of my league, and I know it. I don't want anyone else to let you know it, too.

- I just don't trust you.



"I'm an 18 year old Master."

- I wanna pretend that I'm awesome.

- They haven't dropped yet.

Found this on the internet...Good reading.



A Submissive Woman is one who has the desire to surrender her will, mind, spirit and body -her very self- to someone she chooses to, whom she is able to trust completely and who shares this inherent need.



The D/s (Domination/submission) relationship can be more emotional, cerebral and honest than many so called 'vanilla' (non-D/s) relationships.



Being submissive does not make you a doormat or mean that you must be passive in every aspect of your life, or be submissive in any way to anyone you may meet. On the contrary being submissive can ultimately make you a stronger woman.



Most submissive women are strong-willed and intelligent.



Being submissive to one man affords a woman the opportunity to embrace her man; to follow her man's lead, to please her man, to support and back him, to submit to him sexually, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.



When the two meant for one another are finally able to meet, they will grow together in all aspects of life and feel more fulfilled than ever before.



For a woman to submit is a beautiful thing indeed.



To find that special man to submit to is just as beautiful, for it is not easy.



These submissive feelings are always there beneath the surface.



It takes a dominant man to recognize, nurture and bring out those vulnerable feeings.

I read this on FL and was cracking up. Who has the one on what Doms Say?...LOL!



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A Cynics Translation of Shit Subs Say





I loved a post that went K&P about b.s. that doms say in their profiles (seriously, it was so accurate that it was halfway between funny and heartbreaking) so much I decided to do the other side of things.... Sadly, I think it may've turned out less funny and more just "depressing as fuck." But, here it goes....



“I am really submissive, but it takes a really strong Dominant to control me. I haven’t met anyone who really can take the reigns yet.”

- I have no idea what I really want. If the relationship fails, it is because the Dominant wasn’t Dominant enough. Not because of bad communication or me being a poor submissive.



“I enjoy serving just for the joy of serving.”

- A week from now, I’m going to be in the Fetlife groups the first week whining about how my Dom never plays with me.



“I wish to be a sex slave.”

- I can’t get laid, so I am trying this website to see if it will be easier here.



“I am only submissive in the bedroom.”

- I want you to do me. My way. A lot. All the time. Outside of the bedroom, I shall treat you like crap.



“I was trained by an experienced Master/Mistress to serve unconditionally, then released because s/he got sick, died, moved away, etc, etc”

- I masturbate thinking about this a lot and have developed a fictional fantasy in my head, if you deviate from this fantasy I will be really upset.

- I’m delusional as hell.



“I’m into some pretty freaky stuff that I am too shy to tell people about right off.”

- I have a pretty tame fantasy about wearing satin panties that I am ashamed about because I am so much of a dudebro that it threatens my masculinity to even think about it.



"I am into financial servitude."

- I think if I promise you lots of money you will send me naked photos!



“I do love to be forced to dress as a sissy slut.”

- I think being a woman is humiliating.



"I would really like to get to know you as a person before / instead of playing."

- I think you get asked to play so often you will stop talking to me if I tell you my real intentions.



"I am not very experienced...."

- I haven't been owned because no one will have me, but I've bottomed to every top at every play party in the area.



"I don't go to events very often because of my schedule/they are boring/no one there really knows what they are doing."

- I am selfish.

- I am only interested in meeting someone if they can cater to my fetishes.

- I don't like being near old/young/fat people. I am only interested in a Dominant if they fit into a 24" waist.



"I don't do drama."

- I am a walking soap opera.



"I need honesty from my partners."

- I lie so often that I assume everyone else does, too.



"I am very submissive, so I never top from the bottom. I will do whatever YOU want."

- I am into some very specific shit. I want you to divine that psychically and if you do not, I will stop talking to you with no explanation.



"I am into 24/7 live-in servitude."

- I have no idea how real D/s works, and I am under the delusion that being taken care of by a strict Dominant will somehow be easier than dealing with my stressful, sad and depressing mundane life.



"I have a Master, but he wants me to find a woman to play with to explore my bisexuality (alt: Dominant side). WOMEN ONLY!"

- He wants to watch us do lesbian shit together, and I could care less about you beyond your use as a walking dickless sex toy.



"I have no limits."

- I have never played before, I have no imagination, and so I have no idea what a Dom might do to me.

- I’m not going to show up.



"I'm married, and my wife doesn't share my proclivities so she said it was fine for me to join a website like this as long as I don’t tell her about it in detail."

- I'm cheating.



“You have to accept that I have depression/anxiety/etc.”

- And by the way it is your job to fix me now!



"I am more into kink than sex."

- I don't want to put my dick in you but I will pester you relentlessly for oral, manual stimulation, strap on, etc, because I don't realize that PiV is a limited definition of sex.



"I really need a Dominant who is financially stable. How can you be a Master over anyone if you aren't a Master over your own finances?"

- I'm looking for a free ride.

COMMENTS

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supernova
06:21 Jun 27 2013

I shit you not lol that k&p has some awesume stuff...this is no xception lol:)

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POST COMMENT

Me and my girlfriend were sharing a packet of M&M's and I noticed she was taking more than one at a time because "It tastes better when you have two in your mouth at the same time." LOL!

Negotiating in a divorce, my ex-wife said, "You're being really rigid, and it's a little hard to swallow." LOL!

Earlier today, while referring to a loose wing-nut on a 4" expansion plug, I said to my co-worker: "Good thing I pulled it out when I did, because this nut was about to pop off." LOL!

Oh don't pretend to be annoyed that I perved your pic. It's not like you posted it to stare at yourself.



^_^

Am I the only one that looks for the camel toe when I see a woman in a bikini? LOL!

I came across the below on the internet.

It's a female submissive's philosophy on what it means to her to be a submissive. I thought it was good reading.



___________________________________



Submissive - An individual who consents to give up power to a Dominant. This can be for any duration – for an hour or a lifetime.



Dominant – A Top who controls a bottom, submissive, or slave.



____________________________________



She has been thinking a lot lately about what she has to offer as a submissive. She read a lot of what other submissives are doing and saying, and she aspires to be as dedicated as they are. So, she decided to come up with a philosophy of submission that she can apply to herself when the time comes that she submit to someone. In a sense it’s a contract with herself that, if adhered to, will elevate her to standards she feels are important in her submission. This philosophy will also prove important in ensuring that she protects herself from harm. This list is generalized, and will not remain static. She may add or remove items as her journey evolves.



For Him, She will always:

- honour Him

- be devoted

- treat Him with respect

- trust Him

- serve any/all of His needs

- be honest at all times

- be sexually available at all times

- gracefully accept any pain He wishes to inflict on me

- support Him in all of His endeavours.

- overcome my fears for Him.

- be attentive to His needs

- understand His limitations

- maintain a healthy lifestyle as dictated by Him

- maintain an appearance that is pleasing to Him

- be thankful for the opportunity to do all of these things



For Herself, She will always:

- be honest with herself

- act with dignity

- not allow herself to do anything that is not in her best interest

- not be taken for granted

- not be forced or manipulated into doing anything harmful, neither physical nor emotional

- not be ignored

So attractive women who are told all the time that they are attractive, but who don't consider themselves attractive and go out of their way to let it be known that they don't consider themselves attractive fall into one of two categories.



1. Attention Seekers

2. Bat Shit Crazy