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NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER



Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course

of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how

lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.



She had long been suspicious of a relationship between

the two, and this only made her more curious.



Over the course of the evening, while watching the two

interact, she started to wonder if there was more

between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.



Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know

what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I

are just flat mates'.



About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever

since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to

find the frying pan, you don't sup po se she took it do

you?



'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure'

said Peter.







So he sat down and wrote



DEAR MOTHER,



I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM

MY HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE

FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING

EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.



LOVE PETER





Several days later, Peter received an email from his

mother which read



DEAR SON,



I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M

NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE

FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED,

SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.



LOVE MUM

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome.



One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David.



Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.



A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David.



Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."



The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"

COMMENTS

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Sinora
13:49 Jan 19 2009

Nice one hon lol

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Gotta love those 'Carry On ... ' films ...

Just watched Carry On Cowboy, picture the scene, they were sitting in a circle smoking an Indian peace pipe ...

''Let's get some peace on before it's peace off''