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So..apparently I come off as sexual. I don't mean to but I somehow do. Yes I talk about sex...I mean it is everywhere and I knew about it since I was a kid because,well, I wasn't stupid and my mom knew I'd find out on my own so told me.



Gah going off topic...I really don't know what the topic was exactly but I went off it. so here is my point.

Written by Dakotah edited by me(I just saw this today btw):

Kiyuki, I warned you many times not to send me sexual messages(such lies that was my first slightly sexual message!). You did not listen. First off your 18. I am 24 year old man.(So? you think I am hitting on you?! What the hell) The messages you sent me tying to lure me into such conversations was wrong on so many levels(It was a serious question...no luring) . I do not do that here. Now, lets end this. You go your way. Leave me alone.(messaging me instead of posting it in your journal would've been better)



Basically he told the world he thinks I'm an 18 year old nympho...I can barely stand being touched ._.









GF's? As in my female friends?

And...does that mean you are a virgin? O.O(curious because I mean Dakotah is a nice guy...normally so don't understand how he'd have not been raped by now XD)



On 05:50:46 Dec 31 2014 (-0 GMT) Dakotah wrote:



Ummm perhaps ask some of your GF's here. Sex is off topic with me.



On 05:47:16 Dec 31 2014 (-0 GMT) Kiyuki wrote:



And I hate it when a book my friend gives me to read turns out to have more sex than plot. Since when do fights for your life turn into passionate sex? Seriously when!?...And how does one initiate it O_o?

Well that's the simplest way to put it in a title. Sometimes,like right now, I can become so in touch with my body that I can hear my heart beat,my blood flow,my cells die,while other cells come to life.I can feel my lung expand and deflate...and I can feel the air I breathe bringing me life and at the same time slightly kill me(because of the toxins human's introduced which thankfully aren't too many because of the forest surrounding me).



It's not as if I am high and just tripping...I can just feel it. All of it. The pain in my different muscles the wear in some of my joints the sound they all make when I move...It's like my body is a symphony but only I can hear it.



It's a sad and beautiful song,and when it stops,I almost feel sick...I wonder if it's because I am not supposed to hear that song. I hear it from other things too...If I make myself listen outside my own body. Growing thing's,heart beats,blood flow. Of tree's and plant's.



I'm glad no one read's this...because it's a little embarrassing. I'm not religious I'm agnostic after all. But I wonder if the reason people believe in creators is because someone else heard the song before I was even born.

COMMENTS

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Oceanne
21:06 Jan 05 2015

Absolutely they have...to the tune of millions.

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POST COMMENT

I'm cruel...almost inhumanly cruel. I don't see why I shouldn't kill when I need to, be it man woman or child. Even animals if needed (although to be honest I'd hesitate more for an animal than anything else). I have no issue with torture,what works works. And pain works. I wouldn't show mercy even for my own family. Not if it's necessary. I'm a monster when I need to be.



So why am I also so damn nice? It's bizarre. I will call myself on it. It is freaking weird. I love animals,most of my family, and am maternal.I have major maternal instincts that make me treat kids well.Even though usually kids make me feel like punting them!(I felt like punting them when I was a kid myself so...yeah eue) I don't condone rape or abuse to animals, sexual partners, or children in fact I want to massacre the people who do either. I am a righteous sadist or something.



Is that a thing?Can someone be righteous and sadistic? I want to set people on fire just to watch them burn but I also want to hug people and snuggle O_O....it's confusing TT^TT!

I brought on myself...even if I don't really get how I did. I liked talking to him...he was nice but I guess I messed up. I always do.I didn't mean to...I never do. It hurt's because I want to blame him, But I know it's my fault...I caused him to not like me anymore. I guess I just...am never fuck this is hard. because frankly it hurts.



I always get people to want to leave me...I pretend and fake and at the same time reveal so much of myself...it's like I contradict my entire being. I feel empty. I didn't know I valued him that much...because now I feel so empty...He'll never see this. He'll never know. It hurts. I hate how much this hurts. I don't even know why it hurts. But it does.