The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

The darkness loves me once more
06:14 Aug 21 2005
Times Read: 567

Dreams die and the night fades away

do i have to carry on through another day?



Laying there i tilt my head to the side

looking for your form,but i see nothing at all

except the blood stains on the sheet.



I wonder where you are

I wonder if you care

Its so unfair.



Could you love me?

Would you love me?

or would you rather just hate me?



How far would you go to save me?

How far would you go to kill me?

How far would you go to give me a suicide pill?

How far would you go to make me ill?





The darkness loves me once more,

how much more can i ignore,

how long must i cry for.





Toxic love rules the world

as the poisons begin to swirl,

all the maddness falls into place

and i see the outline of your face.

*+Pills+*
21:44 Aug 10 2005
Times Read: 571

Pills......we all take them for

diffrent reasons in life.





They come in all kinds of

sizes and shapes

and pretty soon we make them

one of our many escapes.



Pink

Blue

Yellow

White

they will carry you faster to

your burial site.





We don't like to admit it but

they are right

we do like popping prescription pills

all night.





They make us feel things we

never have felt without

mended wings and the place we dwelt.





Sress Relievers

Anit-Depressants

benedryl

please include refills.







Believers

Receivers

Relievers

Retrievers

grievers

leavers

you can be whatever you want

but nothing can change the fact

that you're broken and cracked

and that you never kept to

our suicidal pact.





You choose to die

you choose to cry

you choose to lie

and now i am choosing to ask why?



This is my short little poem

about popping pills

now do you want to ask for refills?

School
04:18 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 575

School, some people like it

some people don't,

walking among a bunch drones.



Some people look forward to another

day with all their friends,

but there's always one person

who trys and pretends and wishes for this to just end.



Its their worst nightmare

its their worst fear

the beginning of another year

in hell, none of this feels like school

its more like a jail cell.



Parents think that its just all the homework

and they say just ignore those jerks.



The teachers they ignore it and don't really care

even when you ask for them to please tell the kids to stop

but they still can't all drop it they have to keep on and on

even with you withdrawn.



They say we go there to learn new things

but thats not all that it brings.



Everyone is pointing at you

you are always the joke

the disease

the sickness that everyone hates.



The rumors they spread

the lies they tell

and they expect us not to raise hell.



He hates her

She hates him

Shes a whore

Hes a pimp

She did this

He did that

Shes skinny

He's fat,

it never stops

it never fades

no matter how many used blades.



The rumors are always going

that person talking about another

and another talking about a other.

~{~Venom Injected Vows~}~
04:15 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 576

Can you hear the organ's playing,

it would seem that my heart is still delaying.



Even though i can laugh out loud

i still am empty,

nothing inside it seems.



I need something all the time,

i am always,

liking what doesn't like me

loving what hates me

wanting what i can't have

missing what can be seen

looking for something that isn't real

and trying to see something that's not there.





Feelings that aren't sincere

they will disappear without any fear,

this is a disaster,

why can't time go faster.



Why is it i can't be mad

but i can be sad,

and for some reason with you thats always just too bad.



Did you even care

Would you

Could you.?



Since you don't care,

would you mind

if i got lost in this prescription

or do you want to start a competetion?



I don't know about you

but i'm through

with holding on

and staying alive just for you to hate.



Bring me all your venom

give me all your blades

prescribe me all your pills

make sure you include refills.



It doesn't matter anymore

what you say,

because i was right

i am slowly dwindling away.



You just couldn't see it

until now,

might as well forget all those vows.



Do you not get it yet,

can you not see

that apparently none of this was mean't to be?



Do you hate me so much

that you couldn't even lie

when i asked you if you wanted me to die.



I know i made you lose all you

had,

i know i made you sad,

and now i know why you are mad.



After everything that has happened

after all the times you made me cry

after all the times you made me die

after all the times that i bled,

and all the times that are ahead

i just can't wish for you to be dead

don't ask me how

don't ask me why

because i have no reply.





................................In with a bullet,out with the hearts..........................................

{~Black roses,Bloody kisses,and Posion candy~}
04:13 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 578

Roses bloom, then they die but why must i? Pull at the strings controlling my body, guide the blade and make me fade. Black roses Bloody kisses Poison candy. Out in the wasteland i stand, this isn't what i sought and i'm not where i thought. From the balcony i fell into the glades of hell, i managed to get out but now they are trying to pull be back in because of one sin. Black roses Bloody kisses Poison candy. Watch me fall don't help me at all. Let me drown keep pushing me back down. The voices they call why won't they go away once and for all. Black blood on roses so red its too late you've already woken the dead. Will you help me escape? Will you help me lie? Will you help me die, or just make me cry? Black roses Bloody kisses Poison candy self-hazardartion can come in handy.

~{In Gun view}~
04:09 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 579

So many words

can't describe my pain.



The hate is awake

so soon to break out.



Why won't this die

you're face in my mind ,

feeling the sickness run inside.



Keep on trying

i'm not dieing so easily,

you'll have to bring me dowm slowly.



Letting the disease spread,

throughout my body

it runs through my shattered veins

and straight to my heart making

it decay and bend.



Slowly as the disease

eats away at my heart it starts

to fall apart.



Blades

Blood

Cuts

Screams

Dream after

dream and nothing good

it seems.



Roses are red

My blood it's black

How do i know

Because you stabbed me in the back .



The sky is blue

The moon is red

Because i tipped

over the bloody rose bed.



So many things i ignore

just to hate what i adore

and to cause a war.



Adored

Loved

Liked

Hated

Quit acting like you're the one

being dictated.



Rated

Labeled

Mocked

Transformed

I think i was misiformed

about one thing

a broken wing never mends

no matter what is said.



After all this is over

and it's how you want it too,

i'll stand in gun view

with my arms out to each side

so go ahead shoot me if you want to.



So come one you killed all them

so why won't you kill me too,

i am standing here with arms outstretched

waiting in gun view

for you to shoot me

once or twice, or maybe three times too

whatever suits you.

~{They}~
03:58 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 581

They laugh

They mock

They harass

They tease

because they see us as a disease.



They push us away

They spread rumors

They talk behind our backs

and expect us to just relax

and not fight back.



They call us names

They make us hurt

They treat us like dirt.



They lable

They rate

They overcompensate

just to aggravate.



They keep us down to what

they think we should be.

They make everything hard for us,

more or less they think they deserve the best.



They try to impress

they try their best to make our

lives miserable and horrid

because they don't understand us or anything

about our ways,

they get all the praise

that we deserve.



All they know is what they hear,

and what their parents think they know

they are beyond low though.



I mean you would expect to not be accepted by

other kids but when the adults shun you out

too what do you do.



They are fake

They pretend to be our friends

until they bring us to our end.



They cause trouble then

blame it on us

and they ask why we don't trust.



Satan worshiper

Poser

Freak could they be anymore bleak.



After hearing all about they

i bet you are wondering who i am talking about huh?



They is whoever causes your life to be hell

They is whoever caused you to fail

They is whoever causes you pain

They is whoever made you play their game

They is who you hate the most

They are the ones who give you the blade

They are the ones who give you the pills

They are the ones who wanted you to

slit your wrists

They are the ones who like you to cry

They are the ones who you defy

They are the ones who i never tell goodbye.



......................They call us things they know nothing about...................................

{Love me,Hate me}
03:53 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 582

Everything you do to me

i do to you back,

even though you ask me to unpack

and come back for you.



I hate you

you hate me.



I love you

you love me.



I hit you

you hit me.



I blame you

you blame me.



The only time you think about me

is when you feel sorry for me,

and the only time i think about you

is when the blade cuts through

and the blood spreads like dew.





Would you take some of this pain

for me,

or do i have to carry on this way.



Did you really have to go,

would you please fulfill my desire to know

if everything you told me was a lie

just to make me die.



I deceive you

you deceive me.



I shoot you

you shoot me.



I slit your wrists

you slit mine,

thats what you do all the time.



Take my last breath

and i'll take yours too.



Trust me

Hate me

Love me

Kill me

Believe me

Shatter me

Bend me

Break me





Push me under

and watch me drown,

the rain pours down,

and my maddness reigns too,

for once i am doing what i want to do.



Love me

Hate me

Miss me

Hug me

Kiss me

Touch me

Scratch me

Cut me

Hold me

Push me

Hate me

Love me.

{~My Poison Filled Lullaby~}
03:50 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 583

Give me the pills

give me the blade

watch my blood

spill in your sick parade.



C'mon make me feel guilty

make me feel sorry

make me feel afraid

it's not like you haven't already caused me pain



Push me in

watch me drown

if i try and get out

push me back down.



Anger

Hate

Sadness

Pain

help me shatter this vein.



Before i die

can we drink

some of your

venom champagne

so we can toast to my death

and you can feel my very last breath.



Carve a target with a blade onto

the spot underwich my ill decaying

heart lays,

say goodbye and let the bullets fly.



Shoot me once

shoot me twice

maybe three times

but thats my advice.



Pick my body up off the floor,

wipe my blood off the door.



Play the piano at my funeral

throw the black rose on

my coffin door and sing to

me once more songs of

morbid torment and pain

and remember the days we danced in the poison rain.





.....................................Take my hand and guide the blade..............................................

~*Anti-Beloved Freak*~
03:44 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 584






Your red painted hand

skims over the tombstone under

which i lay,

It saying

"Anti-Beloved Freak No Need To Pray".



Even in death you still

found a way to make

me play at your game.



Once again you

went to far,

now you are picking out

another casket to lay

another friend that stuck

with you to their end.



Now i know why you had so

much fun in making me

stare down your gun.



You made me play your little game

then you backed me

into the wall and you made me fall.



You caused me Pain

You made me hurt

You always made me feel like dirt

You were never there to like me

or wait,

all i was there for was for you to hate.



You love for me to hate you

i know you do,

you love for me to think

your right

you love for me to cry all night

you love the blood that pours from my

wrist onto the floor

and you loved it when you splattered my blood all

over the door.



You shot me without a second thought,

not even thinking about what would

be brought.



Your red painted hand

skims over my tombstone under

which i lay,

it saying

"Anti-Beloved Freak No Need To Pray"

and you say

"i really didn't mean to,i didn't mean to kill you, i bet you hate me now

because of my doing and of my choosing, all i mean't to do was just hurt you

but it seems i did more than that,so now your soul is mine and your blood is too,you grin and say i'm still not through with you".



You get up and walk away

i can't believe that's really all

you had to say,

where's the sorry

where's the pain

oh yeah i forgot

i'm in your game.



Even in death i am still not free and

that's because i never will be.





....................Sing like you think no one's listening.................

~{My Ill Decaying Heart}~
03:41 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 586

There are moments when i know it's true

you gave me permission to say what i said

now everything i dread is on my head.



Can't you see me falling

Can't you hear me screaming

Can't you feel me dieing

Can't you smell my rotting heart.



Why are you helping tear me apart

Why do you take part in my death

Why do you not see the sadness behind my eyes

Why do you say things to me that you know

is going to lead to my demise.



How can you look me straight in the eyes

and not see the held back tears from all the

years of self hazardation we are all just living inside

our own explanation.



If no one will listen to my song of sorrow

then what hope is there for me tomorrow

could i borrow a heart thats not tattered and shot

thanks alot.



I killed for you just a little bit

I bled for you just a little bit

I died for you just a little bit

I frowned for you just a little bit

I caused pain for you just a little bit

Can i stop it now just a little bit.





My ill decaying heart is trying so hard to beat

but i'm a illeagal fraud that no one will applaud

and my emotions haven't been thawed as of yet

but don't worry i promise i won't forget the threat

of which it will cause.



You help me realize the flaws of

getting closer to the cause.





~The

End~

~{My Ill Decaying Heart The Lost Part}~
03:39 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 587

Blood Tears Pain Frowns Death I'm out of breath. From the balcony i fall into the glades of hell . I walk through the grass toward the only tree i see. As i walk faster i feel the pain, as my feet are stained with red from the bed of blades i have been made to walk upon. Now i stand in front of the tree and look for hope that may be seen suddenly the tree bursts into flames and dies because of my shame. My eyes fly open,but my mind is still stuck in a dream or hell of which it would seem. My tears fall and mark my sadness in the sheets of my bed. I wish i could erase the engraved pain in my heart. I would kill to get rid of the pain the stains the scars the frowns the sadness the loneliness the guiltiness the blood the voices the blame the shame. Happiness comes with a price a slice here a slice there a slice everywhere it's not fair that he wasn't there it's not fair that i was born this way and will be for all my days. Why is everything so fucking hard for me let me down so i can do what you think is right for me. you know i'll always go the wrong way, but i'll not be your prey this time around you'll not kill me so easily. I hate when you say everything will be just fine when i know that's a lie. Why weren't you there for me all those years in time. It was your decsion not to be there and not to care. Now you expect me to be there for you and love you too, i'm sorry but i have to move on with my own life even if it is in hell. I wish you would just leave me alone and let me die because i tried to be there for you and i tried to care but you weren't there to know it or even to see. My Ill Decaying Heart tried so hard to beat My Ill Decaying Heart tried so hard to bleed My Ill Decaying Heart tried so hard to care but now i'm tired of trying and i'm tired of crying you are just a frozen statue in my life and i can't wait anymore for you to stop ignoring me and see that i am alive and that i needed you. The rain starts to fall and stain the earth black, but no matter how good your acting may be i will always see through you clearly. .......................Worse things happen to better people........................ Dedicated to my real father Christopher who chose alcohol and drugs over his own flesh and blood which would be me Thanks Alot Your rejected daughter Kelly

~{Unsaid Words}~
03:36 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 588

Why won't you die,

so your blood can be mine.



I walked away from your face and your grasp,just when you thought you had caught me.



I can't relate to a happy place,because i can't replace the feeling of the sickness inside.



Why won't you die,

so your soul can be mine.



I fell away,

just for your sake

and your screaming face.



You provoke me with freedom because you know i can't get out of your pulling grasp.



I'm caught in your web

of lies and decite,

so that you can keep me down

from what i am to be.



Everything evovled to what i hate most

in this world of pain,

everyone evovled to what i fear the most in this world of gloom.



Why do you make everything so fucking hard for me.



The blood running inside,

turns into dust

the feelings inside

turn into hate

the voices in my head

they are being fed.



From the pain,

evovles the blame,

then that brings shame

to my face.



Why won't you die,

so your blood can be mine



Why won't you die,

so your soul can be mine



The sickness rising in my brain

causes me blindess,

unable to feel fondness

from the bond you try and bring.



Let the rain wash away all the dried blood from past wounds

and think not about about what's true

but just what's of use in this life of doom.



Let not the lies take control

let not the pain make you refrain

let not the tears drown you out

let not the fear make you run

let not the world shun you out just because you are diffrent without a doubt.





~The

End~

~{Suicide Stream}~
03:35 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 589

I sit in front of the cemetery gates,dying from your hate.



Floating down a river of pain,i look down into the crimson colored water but i see no relfection,not even a ragged blurry figure.



This boat made of razor blades carries me farther down this stream of past suicides and deaths.



These voices keep telling me to hold on forever,but i am sick of having to keep so many excuses,and say i'm ok when i'm not by a long shot.



I travel down this stream of death singing songs that make me slit my wrists just a bit so that i feel all the glances you shot me that went straight through my torn out tattered heart.



So follow me down suicide stream where you won't have to worry about your dreams because it be and seem as if you are dead without having bled.





~The

End~

My White Coffin
03:34 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 590

Give me your scars,give me your pain, so you can find me laying on the bathroom floor wearing the face you hate more than me. Everyday i have to keep on dying so you'll stop the lying. It isn't that much fun having to stare down at my face inside the coffin of your choice,while you feel the blood stains on your shirt from where you ripped yourself open and took out all your hate and spread it over yourself so you wouldn't have to feel any guilt when you killed me. It isn't that much fun having to watch the snowflakes fall and hit my white blood splattered coffin. It wasn't that much fun staring at your loaded gun right before you said goodbye and let the bullet fly. Was it that much fun watching me die by your gun and feeling my blood scatter across your face and the door as my body fell to the floor. As you looked at what you done you kept hoping i would get up and this would all be undone. ~The End~

*+*A Backwards Forever*+*
03:33 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 591

Strand by strand

i slip closer to the sky,

not knowing if i am going to die.



The voices whispering louder in my head

the shadows moving closer to the end of my bed.



So destined i am for you to walk among

my dreams,

but you can't hear my screams.



When the guilty ones

blame you,

i'm the one you look to.



Light the candles

let us pray

come what may

whether it be death or hell

there is no sure way to tell

except to just await

our fate.



What did i do to deserve this?

how can i reminisce

when there is no bliss

for me to even miss.



Therapy

Counseling

Medication

Sedation

Straight Jackets

Blades

none of it ever did a damn thing for me

and they still won't leave me be.



Your blood covered hands

fingerprint my mind.



Make me blind

Bend my heart

Rip me apart

Make me your

disgracful work of art.



Suffocate my senses

with your cruel intentions.



Hated by all

loved by none

laying under the midnight sun

wishing life could be done.



I know when i fall

you won't be there to help me at all.



Nothing can change

what you have put me through

so now i bid you adieu.



I wish i could run

i wish life could just be done

i am living in a backwards forever

of which i never can escape,

falling in through a gapeing hole,

can you help me get this disease under control

before it eats away at sanity and steals it away.



What did i do to deserve this?

give me your blood painted kiss

then send me down into the black abyss

where i will not be missed.

~{Black Lace}~
03:25 Aug 08 2005
Times Read: 592

Run your hands down my neck,

feel the scars of past regrets.



Wipe your hands across my face,

smear my eyeliner out of place,

make me your disgrace.



Tear the wings off my back,

rip the halo off my head,

watch me bleed to death and die on

your black rose bed,

tell me everything that was unsaid.



While holding my hands wipe the blood stains

on them,

then call the cops and let them take my picture,

i'll make sure they send you copies,

so you can frame my pretty face.





Watch me tie the black lace around my delicate neck,

it seems life gave me another bad check,

now they'll have to pay the price for my death.





Bending the truth,

i realize how funny it is

that what you say doesn't matter anymore,

you use your own lies for home decor.



You tore my heart out,

ripped it apart,

somehow,someway

i managed to find all the parts,

now its taped and its glued,

and i'm still loving you.





I can't name all the things

you put me through,

and there are things i never knew,

i don't know about you

but i'm missing you bad

and it's making me sad.





You bent me and twisted me into

what you found suitable

and right just for your delight.



I threw the lighted candles against the wall

you threw a punch at me

and all because we disagree,

now i have a busted lip

and you are just fine.



I took one look at you and thought

i could trust you,

but it would seem i was wrong

looks like i won't be for long.