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It feels so right, what an evil treat.

Hunger pains gnaw yet you cannot eat.

You'll never defeat this hell you've created.

Is it everything you anticipated?

Your happiness faded, your world now black.

Running endeavor forever, you can never go back.



The devil has you and will devour you whole.

Lifeless and pathetic, you've sold your soul.

You can't get out, you can't escape.

Just one hit is all it takes.

Sketching, crashing, uncontrollable shakes.

Delusions, confusion, your heart now breaks.



The sweet taste you'll always crave.

The addiction you'll fight until your grave.

Random rage you can't explain.

Guilt and sadness, forever pain.



Awake for days without sleep.

Inhale the smoke, smooth and deep.

Inhuman pleasure as you release your breath.

That will soon decease and turn to death.

Your tongue goes numb, such a rush.

Tingling touch, your cheeks feel flushed.



Never enough, you need much more.

Panic paranoia, shut and lock the door.

Absorbed to the core and lost in thought.

Laying on the floor waiting to rot.

Sought for help but nobody cares.

Cold and scared, disgusted stares.



You're beginning to look like the rest of them.

Frantically searching for your friend.

Under the couch? Under the table?

Another statistic; another label.

I can't stop this feeling, This terrible fear That I can never beat it That it will always be here. Stuck in this life Of misery and disgrace Who am I now I can't even recognize my own face. Life is so short, But the days are so long With this demon living inside me, How long can I go on? Will it ever go away? Or now am I doomed? To live a life of pain, hatred, disgust Can I stop the tweeking? I must! I can't stop the hunger, The craving, The call Of this CRYSTAL METH But I have to choose LIFE Or soon it will be DEATH

Can't eat. Can't think. Can't sit. Can't sleep! Don't Care. Won't Stop, Can't Quit, One more hit! Keep talking. Rambling, mumbling, Heart pounding, Brain spinning! Corpse thinning, Downward spiral. Upward rush, Trip the trigger. Overdrive thrust, Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

Hello I am your disease,

I will never let you sleep or put your mind at ease,



I will always be here no matter where you go,

I am smarter than you and I am in control,



Family, friends, and loved ones they won't matter anymore,

I'll take everything you got and still want something more



I was there for you in the good times but mostly in the bad,

I've made you feel so happy but in the end you was always sad



I come in many forms, and shapes, and size

Then following comes denial, deceit, and lies



I will turn you from everyone that tries to take you from me

Together we will spend all eternity



I'll embrace you in my arms and I'll never set you free,

Spend our life together won't that make you happy,



Don't let those people tell you what I am all about,

Cause then you'll find a way; a way to kick me out



Well here I go now I'll just be on my way 

but not for to much longer cause I still have much to say



So when you think I'm gone and you can finally be at ease,

Just remember this I will always be your disease.

With every hoot

I close my eyes

A new me

With every memory lost

Replaced with visions

Shouting voices

And changing decisions

A broken heart

With broken dreams

A different person

Is it was it seems?

This addiction I have

Is the one I like

I'll keep it up

I see no flight

Lifting my soul

I'm so relieved drifting away

The dreams one thought

Have passed on

With this changing person

Soon to she's gone

Lost in limbo

Or stuck in space

The one true me

A memory to find

Much potential I once had

Traded for drugs and a life gone bad.

Who Am I

I'm empty inside

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide

I need an escape

To be all alone

Far far away from all that I know

Afraid of the dark, afraid of the light

Afraid of the day, afraid of the night

Don't get too close

I'll push you away

Don't understand the words that I say

I'm sinking and drowning

I can't stay afloat

Gasping for air, grasping for hope

Afraid of the ocean, afraid of the shore

Afraid of the ceiling, afraid of the floor

I look to the left and look to the right

I look in the mirror

I'm high as a kite

And finally it's clear

And finally I see

I know who I am, but I'm running from me

All I felt was the rush and my legs turned 2 mush

Now I've lost all my power 2 reason with my gut

Lying on my back and this rosary I clutch

Frozen in the moment but I think I'm really fucked

Tonight I'm gonna die but I can see the sun come up

I'm so fucking high I feel it running thru my blood

Collapsing my lungs all this hate 2 which I've clung

I'm deaf and I'm dumb what the fuck have I done

Hallucinating hold my hand I can't catch my breath

And help me I've got pains in my chest

Paranoia's agitating cardiac arrest

A hypochondriac who's emulating visions of her death

I can have an aneurysm vessel bursting in my head half dead

Like momma did I see her lying in the bed

Can she see me lying naked on the floor praying to the Lord

Cuz I don't wanna live no more



Envision my oblivion saliva hanging on my chin

Anotha night of partyin with vomit on my cardigan

Druggin clubbin fuckin up in public

Cookin up my demon in my Betty Crocker oven

Suck it base it dragons chase it I'm nameless and faceless I'm so wasted

Head is heavy eyes are rollin feelin like my skin is boilin

Pukin in a dirty toilet spasming I can't control it

Help me let me out or I'mma die 2night in some fucking stranger's house

My teeth and tongue are numb with all my might I try 2 shout

No matter what I do no words are coming out 

My mind is snapped my relapse poisoned from rejection and I'm about 2 fuckin crack

Fade 2 black as this euphoria enslaves me Lord take me back

Wake up each day on a short fuse -

again, yourself, you will abuse.

Colors contrast in cloudy hues;

each day a choice to win or lose.



No delay, a bowl you prepare

ignoring the voice, although aware.

Adoring the pipe - virtual love affair.

Dreams out the window, but you don't care.



Suck the dope in, blow the smoke out -

oblivious to what life's all about.

Your bag's now empty, you start to pout;

inside your soul you scream and shout.



You spend your day trying to score

exactly like the day before.

Only ambition is finding more

even picking crumbs up off the floor.



Stop the madness, ease the pain;

tears flow in a torrential rain.

You try so hard to just maintain -

there is no way - you're no longer sane.



Three days later - that same short fuse;

try to make sense but you still confuse

ways to hold on and pay your dues -

each day a chance to win or lose.

COMMENTS

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MDLIVE13
19:38 Jun 18 2011

I realy like reading your journal Killette.

How you put yourself into the words and bring us in as well.



That is is true dark writing at its best.

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