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I am very depressed tonight for some reason...can't place it though....hmmm. Atleast the claw marks are gone. No idea why, just am...very very depressed tonight. Meh. Well off to got watch some moives...maybe that'll cheer me up. Prolly not. I'll find something to cheer me up if it takes all night, which it prolly will, and some of tomorrow to. Well night all. I'll be back when I feel better.

Kiara

I thought I might have been over my night terrors for a while...but no. They are back with a vengeance. Usually they've been a large bruise of a scratch at will vanish in a to two weeks time. I mean vanish, the bruise will be bright blueish purple the night before and gone in the morning. Now I have four claw like marks on both of my sides, from waist to hips. Not like human claw marks, they're thin and animal claw like. Not as thin as a cats claw, and the cat wasn't in my room last night anyway...scary.

Kiara

Yawn...just crawled out of bed a few minutes ago. To early...to be awake...Still feel like crap, and the worst I've felt all week.

Kiara

That was my thought a few minutes ago. I noticed I was inducted into a coven. When did this happen!

Kiara

Still sick...damn its been what 5 days now? And I've lost over 6 pounds...prolly 7 to 8 now. Not good. And I feel like my stomach is being torn to bits right now...not good either...I feel a litle woosey...

Kiara

I added 14 new portfolio pics a bit ago. I'll get the digital camera hooked up eventually this week I hope.

Then wild party pic! I told someone about the wild party and they asked. Well let me say a nose was almost broken, nipple almost bitten off, salsa chugged, spanking and lots of it, biting, wrestling, rug burns, and some noggies. LOL. I did all the biting and had rug burns on my arms for a week. Not fun. Oh and cannot forget the massive ory massage chain. I had to delete all those pics. LOL. Sorry, but they were all just freaky. Oh adn can't forget the truth or dare time. Kyle humping John rocked. It was weird, but it was hilarious! Encore! More man on man love! LOL.

Kiara

Well, since I mentioned the first time I almost killed myself, might as well add the second time, and the time I did die.



We'll start with the time I died. It was Sept 11 2003. We were have a marching band thing at the Rubber bowl in the middle of summer. We had our heavy uniforms on, and we had no water to drink, anywhere. No one brought any and there was none to buy. So after about 5 hours of practice and being in the heat, what happens to an asthmatic? They have an asthma attack. And that would be me. My breathing stopped and so did my heart. The paramedics weren't there yet and everyone was freaking out. All I remember was the light at the end of the tunnel. But it wasn't a warm light, it was icy cold and frightening. Then it felt like someone was bragging me and then Liz was shaking me. So here I still am.



Now on to my second suicide attempt. It was about 7 months ago. I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and was miserable. I felt alone and unloved. Everyone hated me at the time for unknown reasons and I hated myself too. So one night I grabbed the same knife, which is about an inch longer than my forearm and headed down stairs to the basement. I was sitting on the couch at 2 am, my Mom asleep and only my pet Mihos. Just sitting there starring at the blade I heard someone yell at me, a deep mans voice. I live with my Mom so there are no men in the house. I look up and the cat is sitting in front of me with his paw on the knife, eyes glowing red.



And that boys and girls is how Kiara got into Wicca. Mihos saved my life, and I found my religion.

Kiara

Well he finally got on a bit ago and I gave him my answer. I feel so much better. You'd never beleive how great I feel now that I told him. LOL. I need to tell people more important things more often. LOL.

Kiara

I just want to give you my answer........*screams* it feels as though my heart my stop beating if it pounds against my ribs any harder....

Kiara

Well this is my response to one of the forums in the Snadbox, I liked the way I wrote it so I thought I'd share it with you...





I do believe in true love, but it is very hard to find, only found it twice in my life so far but I still have a while to go.



The first time I found my heart was viciously ripped to pieces. Torn, stomped on and flushed down the toilet. Almost killed myself. Had the knife in my room and starring myself down in the mirror. In the reflection, I saw the pictures of my friends...I knew there was still love with them. So I am still here. Do I regret it sometimes, why yes of course. But I am here, living.



Second time, well I'll tell you when/if it ends. For now, I am loving it! I just pray every night it will not end the same why, for I don't think I will be saved again...

Kiara

I have made my decisions finally. I was up until 3 in the morning, but I came to my decision...now if only the one who wanted me to make this decision was on....it would make things a bit easier...but no. He is not. I just want to speak...type it and move past this hurdle in my life...Where are you...

Kiara

I have something big to think about now...I don't nkow what I think about it really. My mind is numb. If I pick to not accept it, then I will be pained by that decision. And prolly many more night terrors. But accepting it. I'm not sure what that would bring me. I nkow it would bring me happiness, but what else I don't know...

Kiara

Well I am feeling a bit better, not by much. A hot shower helped...and I can't find any clean panties to wear right now. Oh well, comando here we come! But somehow I sliced my toe in the shower and its bleeding. There blood in the shower, floor and rug. Hehe. I'll clean it later.

Kiara

Joy, its Christmas and I have food poisoning. I feel like I'm gonna die, and I'm never eating mexican in the falls again....I havn't felt this bad since my cycst poped on my ovary...LOL. Owe it hurts to laugh....

Kiara

LOL. I was looking through some of the forums on teh site and then I see that I have a message. I thought it was a reply from someone and I clicked on it and ah poo. Someone esle with demented Christmas songs. I LOVE demented Christmas songs. Me and my friends have been making our own for over 12 years. Good times...good times. LOL

Kiara

I'm sleeping

And right in the middle of a good dream

Like all at once I wake up

From something that keeps knocking at my brain

Before I go insane

I hold my pillow to my head

And spring up in my bed

Screaming out the words I dread:

I think I love you! (I think I love you)



This morning, I woke up with this feeling

I didn't know how to deal with

And so I just decided to myself

I'd hide it to myself

And never talk about it

And didn't I go and shout it

When you walked into my room.

I think I love you! (I think I love you)



I think I love you

So what am I so afraid of?

I'm afraid that I'm not sure of

A love there is no cure for

I think I love you

Isn't that what life is made of?

Though it worries me to say

I've never felt this way



Believe me

You really don't have to worry

I only want to make you happy

And if you say,

Hey, go away, I will

But I think better still

I ought to stay around and love you

Do you think I have a case?

Let me ask you to your face:

Do you think you love me?

I think I love you!





This song has been drining me insane and now I found the rest of it. Yes!

Kiara

Damn I cry to easy....fuck. *wipes eyes with hodie* OK I'm ok now...*takes deep breath*

LOL.

I look like a present right now! Wee I got a bow and a ribbon on my head. Hehe. I got a jewlery box, with Tinker Bell on it!



I hate that I fall so easily and deeply in love, it is my curse, but I LOVE it!!

Kiar

I wish I could help you my dear friend. But alas, sadlly I cannot at this moment. For we are so close, yet so far apart..."I think I love you...but what am I so afraid of..."

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

1. Kiara

2. Kitten

3. Bitchy bitch



THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:

1. Fyredragon09

2. Lostoneofthegreennotebook

3. Kiara



THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. Eyes, they're two colors

2. My tongue

3. My boobs I guess



THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. My little gut

2. My ears

3. My butt's to big



THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:

1. English

2. American Indian

3. German



THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

1. Being alone

2. Dieing again

3. Spiders!



THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

1. Orange juice

2. Cell-phone

3. Gum



THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

1. Pink panties

2. Bra

3. Blanket



THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTIST:

1. System if a Down

2. LP

3. Weird Al



THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:

1. Trust

2. Cuddling

3. Kinky sex



TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):

1. I play flute

2. I'm kinky

3. I'm 117.



THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:

1. Personality

2. Sense of humor

3. Openmindness



THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:

1. Model building

2. RP

3. Anime



THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:

1. Move outta Ohio

2. Find a friend...

3. and fuck em!



THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:

1. Massage therapist

2. Photographer

3. Auto mechanic



THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

1. Japan

2. England

3. Germay



THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:

1. Aden

2. Lev

3. Luka



THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

1. To late, already legally died once...

2. Have the kinkyest love session ever!

3. Throw wasabi at someone!



THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A WOMAN:

1. I love to shop!

2. I love men!

3. I wear makeup



THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A MAN:

1. Im always Horny!!!

2. Video games!

3. Anime



THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:

1. XElementalShadowX

2. Joel

3. Jay

My entire profile just got deleated....why?

Happy Yule everyone!...or the few that read this I mean.

At school yet again...but I'm done with exams for today. Got to study for my Pre Calc, Chem and German III...ugh....might not be on much tonight.....

Wee it took 8 days to get here! Wee.

Why do I have to go to school on Yule? Christian don't have to go to school on Christmas...ho well.

Well still at school but all my exams are done....for today. I have six more ot go in two days. ugh....

Blah at school right now...torture I know. Well its sudy hall and I have exams next. English then keyboarding...ugh. Blah very tired right now...I'm only awake from 10pm to 2am...very odd.

I didn't get to go ot Pagan Pizza Night last night, which really pisses me off. Stupid mom. I can't wait until I can move out...or find a place to move out to. Thats the real problem. Grr. Ah well. I'll find a way out sometime.

Full moon tonight! And Pagan Pizza Night tomorrow in Canton. Can't wait. Also have a audition for the Flute Choir of Stark county. Fun....then pizza so its not all bad.

Kiara

Blah...second day on Vampire Rave...very tired....