The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Before me stood the hallowed out library looking oddly settled compared to the construction site background and towering book made buildings around it. Iris was outside for a moment. She didn't see me as she took the steps by twos then disappeared inside. There was someone smoking on one of the steps. Well he would be smoking if he could lit the match. I walked up and tried to be subtle but Nuance looked up. He was instead a SHE with a mohawk and a scrawny feature. I learned later she was incredibly nice.



"Got a light" Nuance



"Sorry." Me



"Drat. What brings you here?" Nuance



"I'm the new member." Me



"Whew that's a relief." Nuance



"Why?" Me



"Cause territory invaders are typically not treated kindly but MrD has a policy where we give a chance to run away or explain themselves. Cool guy." Nuance



"Ummm thanks?" Me, sweating over my life



She reached into her shoe and triumphantly returned up with a match. She winked like it was a magic trick.



"Neat trick eh?" Nuance, where she placed it into her mouth. "Don't take me rude but what are you?"



"..." Me

"Well..."



"Hey come on." Iris motioned to me. How long had she been there?



I stood up and Nuance took a very long drag then stamped it out with her boot. We entered the main hall and I was astounded. Everything was dedicated to learning. Famous humans, vampires, and various assortment of other creatures known for astounding knowledge and discoveries adorned the wall with their picture and description of work. Though the place was pristine in appearance there were little notes here or there. Several rooms with varying doors were everywhere. I tried to go to the stairs leading down but Iris steered me to a room on the left. In it was a taylor shop to be blunt. A tiny goblin was there sitting on an ottoman and snipping with enormous scissors at a book.



"And I don't like that part and that part! And that part is just silly! Her



"Prip!" Iris, trying to get her attention



"Eh!?" She looked up at me through glasses that were twice the size of her head.



"You have a job to do! New member!" Iris, pushing me toward her



She sized me up and I tried to seem friendly by waving and saying hi timidly. She looked at Iris.



"How'd she get in?" Prip, with me giving a "come on give me a break already expression". Iris turned to me and motioned to behind the curtain.



"Get undressed kid. Time for you to wear the Coven uniform. You'll be dressed Les Enfants de Mon Dieu style from now on.

I paced. I know only worrisome people with no lives in particular should pace but against a ghettoed wall and my situation, I believe I had the right. My current coven I found out was a hang out spot, low in the standings but was a peaceful lot. I liked them. Just not enough to stay with them. A message came up to me and I tentatively opened it.



"I worked things out. I left the longer details at the message center."Iris.



A happy jump and pathetic attempt to shake my white a** later and I was walking merrily to the middle part of the city. It reminded me alot of New York's Broadway street. Lots of lights and deals going on. A news screen with various quotes from members flashed. I always wondered what they did to get up there. Advertisements for other safe houses stood here or there but my goal was set on the left corner.



I could tell people came and went here often. There were no doors. Too many people coming and going. I went up to the main desk and I met a Raven.



"Welcome to the Message Center, you Dastard!" He cawed at me.



"Um... Not a Dastard yet..." Me



"You have two new messages!" He, not the conversationalist, carried on. He hopped over on one foot with two notes. One bigger than the other.



I simply walked away. There was a line forming with angry people with fangs.



Iris's letter

"Welcome to the path of the left hand kid. Meet me at the coven and get situated. Then we'll fight( this last word was crossed out) find you a room. Get to know the coven leaders and build up your strength a bit before going out again. Some coven members are not as nice as others. They might be mad you chose us. Yes that news will get out. We're not top of the ratings as you know. We're too influenced by seeking an abstract form of knowledge and don't want to be the winners in the coven battles like other(so they do exist).

Welcome to your coven kid."



The other letter was from my previous coven master and I couldn't help but fell like a baseball card still from being traded.



I grabbed the rail line and went deeper into the city then I had ever gone. The major lights and attractions had flicked off somewhere else and the last major site I saw was the Coven Home. Then I dipped into the dark recesses of Vampire Rave. I looked up and saw buildings that were actually stacks of books and giant cranes adding on. The rail ended and zipped away(I was the last passenger). I walked several, several blocks more and realized how much territory our coven was given from the Prince. After much pain to my feet and getting lost(so I stopped and read a few hundred books, go away) I found the main building.

A Guide to Murder By: Lesson 6: Disposal of the Skeleton



If you are busy with your day to day whatnot’s then you probably have left your corpse under the bed or in a basement or a freezer. Out of sight till you have a holiday weekend to drive him up somewhere to drop him off. But by and by no matter the preservative a month has past and rigor mortis is gone. The flesh has decayed completely along with everything else. Now your left with semi-clean bones and don’t know what to do. Here are some lovely and creative suggestions.



1. Never waste a good skeleton. Burning leaves a smell and they’re incredibly thick but what you can do is decoration. Simply find a medical tool of decent pricing and slice through a section of the arm or leg. Then take the detached ligament and prop it up on the shelf as bookends. They make lovely conversation pieces. Invite the mother in law over for a cup of tea and show her you are not a freak. Merely a collector of antiques, just like her. Perhaps one day you two could sign the life insurance policy on her.



2. Now the skull is typically a problem. Very conspicuous if you live in a small town. New York or San Fran might be able to avoid this issue but if you do live in a small town here’s this. Donate your spare skull to your local community theatre group and pray they’re doing Hamlet. Poor thespians need a bone to. Don’t throw them one though. It will damage the cranium.



3. Still on the skull note your local dentist or orthodontist practitioners would love a real life modal to study before finals week. It could make quite a profit or earn you a charitable status.



4. Spare unrecognizable bones that can’t be swallowed are man’s best friend best wet dream. Bring your pup’s dream to reality by this time actually throwing them that bone and maybe inviting his love interest for a nibble. With their combined love of bones you could have a business going. I’m sure Fido and Lala are willing to comply with a disposal job now and then.



5. If you wish to keep your skeletal friend in one piece for moral reasons or for the fact you can’t chew threw the parts to separate them then consider this. Another charitable option. Education could use a boost and chemistry/ anatomy and physiology classes don’t feel complete with out a skeleton so simply make a quick drop off and hope they’re decent enough to send you a potted plant. I never liked fresh cut flowers, throwing the dead ones away always makes me cry.



6. For the limbs I have one final suggestion: get into the art area. Make a picture frame. It’s classic, clean, and timelessly sturdy. Or as Ed Gein put it: make use of every piece. He even depicted a lovely set of silverware and bowls.



Well that is the end of our lesson till next time on Lesson 7 where we cover Victim 2 and beyond.

COMMENTS

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Writer2Soul
05:27 Jul 07 2010

You can always take a page out of Rear Window, cut up the body in the bathtub, easy cleaning, put each part in a triple plastic bag, go to different parts of the city dropping each bag, would take all night, but then you would have a lot of time to clean the bathtub

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