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Hello people! Not that anyone reads my journal. Except like, maybe two, three people? Still, one day I'll look back on this and laugh, right? Tell me its true.



So, I don't think I'm going to send back any of the emails towards the aforementioned person in my other entries. Its becoming too stressful. And quite frankly, I'm not going to give in to a lot of the things I want to say. I'm bigger than that.



Its not that I'm holding back any honesty or anything. Its just that the way I want to word things are... Harsh, I guess?



So, get this. There are heart problems in my family. And the stress from multiple things lately just boiled over on me. My chest hurts, I can't breathe very well, and my shoulder is numb. Go figure. I should probably see a doctor. And stop eating bad things.



Not gonna give up. Sorry, it isn't happening. If it kills me, it literally kills me. I would go to death and back for the woman I affectionately call my better half, and she knows it. I'm not gonna fight or argue, but I won't back down.



There used to be a very angry, very violent me. He was a very stupid and foolish me. A childish me. He ended up in all sorts of trouble, and had 2 strikes out of the given three. I've kept him in a locked box since I left my fathers house. Thats a long time. I'm not letting him break out this time. Not when I have so much to lose. Not when I can lose her.



She's everything.

COMMENTS

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Levity
20:59 Aug 05 2013

You'll look back on it and smile, at least.

It takes a few years to be able to amass enough that suddenly you can find things you've forgotten about in your journal.



I'm glad everything is fixed now.

I love you very much.

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So, I'm trying to convince myself to write something here at least every couple of days, but found myself without much to write today. Mainly because I'm trying to forget everything about my other problems. I tried to explain something, and basically got a 'too bad' from the person I was explaining it to.



So, I've decided to just go with things, and let it be. I'm going to relax, admit that I get a lot more worried than I should be, and just know that if some things happen, they happen. And if things start or end, they start or end. I like to think we have a predetermined fate.



Which leads me to my ramble:



Have you ever hated something so strongly, with every fibre of your being, that you think it was put on this planet just to make your day shitty? Like the only reason it exists is to ruin your life an everything you hold dear? You hate this thing so much that you wish it was erased from the planet, with no history or memory ever to remain of it, and you wouldn't have to know it existed in the first place? Thats how I feel about olives. And I want the good folks at Subway to know that.



And next time they put olives on my steak and cheese, they will know as much. Jerkbags.



I think I'm going to start excercising. I'm not in bad shape by any means, but I could stand to lose a few pounds. Its not even the weight I want to change, its the shape. Luckily for me, my brother is a hardcore athlete.



Unluckily for me, he is my -little- brother. So its gonna be weird asking him for help. But hey. To look like Jackman? I'll bite back on my pride.

Good news, bad news, great news.



Good news? I messaged the woman that has feelings for my better half, and she seems to understand where I'm coming from and why it was bugging me. And to top it off, she doesn't seem that bad of a person anyway. She actually seemed a little down on herself because of past things, which made me feel a little bad for her, but hey. IF YOU'RE READING THIS YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! JUST MESSAGE ME WHEN YOU FEEL DOWN!



That goes for all of you, actually. I don't bite. Not hard, at least.



Bad news? The locker in this building had a flood from the main water pipe. Worse news? The main water pipe burst right over my storage locker. Everything was ruined except one or two salvageable things. Some of my college books were ruined, and any of you that have been to college recently know that they can be expensive. Lost a bunch of furniture and such too :/



Great news? I'm going to bill the building for the expenses. And if they don't like it, maybe the newspapers will. Cause how many times has it happened to other folks, yknow?



That of course means extra money. And I forgot to claim something on my taxes, that when the government found out, it turns out they actually payed me nearly $300 less than they should have on income tax returns. My grandmother sent me $20 because thats what grandparents do (Oh shit I have to buy her a card for her birthday coming up) and a friend of the family sent me $100 for graduating.



Thats about $420. Har har, very funny, potheads. 420/1600. I'm assuming the 1600 for my trip based on airfare, passport costs, and of course spending money.



Why can't I just teleport?

I can't believe I'm actually remembering to write things. Its even more surprising that I actually have anything to write about. Perhaps this is a sign of progress?



Or perhaps I'm just losing my mind at last. Its possible that I've been slowly losing it all along, and am only just realizing it. Or that I lost it a long time ago, and have only just begin to regain it. Heres to insanity.



I got a message from someone saying they run a group for VR outcasts. A "brotherhood" of sorts. I... I don't think that I'm an outcast. I'm just not an incast yet. Is incast a word? It is now.



I spoke with the woman who seems to have feelings for my better half briefly. She doesn't seem that bad. Still, something inside me is playing the jealous worrying role, and I think I'm just gonna have to lay things on the table. I'm an adult, they're both adults, we can figure this out without anyone feeling bad, right?



I don't like it when others feel bad because of something I've said. I like to think myself to be someone who can word things in a such a way that they don't come off menacing or offensive.



I think I'm just gonna go ahead and do it. Send her a message about how things are getting to me, and the things that might break my relationship with my better half if they happened.



Though I don't think I could ever cope without her.

So. I'm new to this whole thing, but as you'll quickly find, I have a tendency to ramble. I'm not going to lie, I joined solely for the fact that my other half was floating around on here somewhere, and I wanted to be a part of that. I know, I'm caring, right?



It may have been part of that, and part of some stuff I read involving her. So I'm also partially here to assert my status as dominant male! ROAR!



Yeah, that wasn't very convincing to me, either. It stands though, and at least I'm actually part of something she enjoys now. Supportive me ftw?



I don't know how often I'll write journals. It seems to be that I always want to set up a blog, or a journal, or something of that sort, and then I forget about it two days later. Maybe this will be different.



So I notice there are a lot of things to get used to here. Communities, mentorships, etc. None of it makes sense to me. But feel free to drop me a message, or a comment, or a messenger pidgeon, or a brick through my window with a note taped to it. Chances are (If I remember) I'll write back!

COMMENTS

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Levity
13:56 Jul 23 2013

Dominant male my ass.

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Kanadian91
19:38 Jul 23 2013

Yeah, thats generally the target ;)

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