The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I don't know why but I have not been able to get warm all day. It's cold outside and it snowed a little earlier but nothing accumulated. My hands have been cold since I woke up from my nap and my whole body just feels colder than I'm used to. Weird.

I've been going over my poetry for the last forty-five minutes or so, trying to complete the ones I never finished and so on and I just realized something. I wrote some of my best stuff on a whim. I'm going to post some with the dates that I wrote them in the poetry section. See what you guys think.

Been listening to a lot of Halestorm lately. Awesome band.

I want to write a poem with the word "Exhumed" in it somewhere. I've always wanted to use that word because it always brings mixed emotions with me. It reminds me of dirty evil things because to desecrate a tomb of any kind is disrespectful to me unless it's absolutely needed yet it's a word I've always felt described me, especially lately and even more so tonight, very well. I may tinker with it later or something. I doubt I'll sleep so meh.

I walked for like 3 hours straight tonight. I threw my Batman hoodie on and walked in the snow for 3 hours just because I felt like I was going to explode. The only reason I'm home right now is because my brother got worried and had his friend drive him to look for me and they found me walking back from Walmart which is the farthest place I know how to walk to and still get back safe. It took me like 2 and a half hours to get there and then I was on my way home when they found me. My chest hurts now. It feels like my defect is lose or something. I don't know but I don't like it. Whatevs though. I haven't walked that long in forever. My earbuds were almost frozen to my ears and my little mp3 player was barely alive. My legs hurt and my chest hurts and I don't think walking that far was a good idea for a fat guy. Fuck it. yolo.

i fucking knew it! I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it I fucking knew it! Do they have pills you can take so you don't dream? I'm sick of them coming true! I'm so fucking sick of it! Make them stop... please make them stop...

Happy Thanksgiving for those who celebrate it. It's not really any different to me feeling wise. I'm not happy. But I get to eat lots of food which is a bonus so I guess it isn't all bad.

Work in progress people. Work in progress...

I just realized something while listening to music. I'm Riku. I'll never be Sora. Sora has already been chosen. He's the keyblade master already. I was the keyblade master at first but like Riku I lost my keyblade master status. Riku will only ever be Kairis friend. While Sora will always get the girl. I'm Riku. I'm fucking Riku. Any other time that'd be rad as fuck. Only difference is? I'll never be friends with Sora. Sora isn't my best friend and never will be.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even



Her best days will be some of my worst

She finally met a man that's gonna put her first

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no



What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok

I'm falling to pieces, yeah,

I'm falling to pieces



They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving

And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no



What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok

I'm falling to pieces, yeah,

I'm falling to pieces, yeah,

I'm falling to pieces

(One still in love while the other ones leaving)

I'm falling to pieces

(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)



Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame.

Now I'm try'na make sense of what little remains ooh

Cos you left me with no love and no love to my name.



I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break

No it don't break

No it don't break even no



What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and

What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok

(Oh glad you're okay now)

I'm falling to pieces yeah

(Oh I'm glad you're okay)

I'm falling to pieces yeah

(One still in love while the other ones leaving)

I'm falling to pieces

(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)



Oh it don't break even no

Oh it don't break even no

Oh it don't break even no

O.M.G. My upstairs neighbors have been moving furniture for the last 3 hours. How the fuck do you people have that much shit? I mean come on you've only been there like 2 months. I don't see why they see fit to move heavy stuff at almost 1 am. This baffles me. Especially since they've been home all day. Both of them. Ugh!

Someone I care about needed a friend today. She came to me sad and upset and angry. I tried so hard to help but in the end I let her down. I should have taken everything she had to throw at me. I should have rose up and been everything she needed. Instead I was selfish. When someone is upset they don't pay attention so much as to what they say only to getting the emotions out. I should have grabbed that and just hung on for the ride. I failed her. I suck at being a friend and I suck at showing I care. Even after 6 years I'm no good at it. I try and I try and it's all to no avail. I'm going to keep trying though. She deserves it. I'm sorry this evening went the way it did. I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough friend. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and I'm sorry I let you down. I'm also sorry for breaking the promise, once again, that I made to myself about using that stupid L word not just in a metaphore but right before I hung up. Wtf is wrong with me? God I need to get a grip. I'll do better and try harder. I really will.

I have become somewhat of an unnamed legend in my house because of my cake theft. The legend goes:

There once was a slice of red velvet.

Whose frosting was the creamiest of cheese.

When one night it came to be missing.

And my brother wasn't too pleased.

He searched and he looked for his cake.

But neigh was a clue he could find.

In secret the theif was so giddy.

Cause the taste of my bros own meds was divine.

I did the thing. I stole the cake in the dark of night and ate it in the shadows of my bedroom with a plastic fork so I could destroy the evidence. I feel I will get away with this though because no one heard me get it and no one saw me eat it. :D It was sooo blobbing good. I do not regret this action. lol. Carry on. Nothing to see here.

COMMENTS

-

---

ArmandII
04:13 Nov 20 2013

Sneaky little hobbitses

---

POST COMMENT

There is a single slice of red velvet cake with real cream cheese frosting left in the kitchen right now. I don't know if you know this but that's the best cake in the universe and my personal favorite cake ever. It's 2AM and everyone is asleep. I'm unsure if anyone has called dibs on it because these people don't tell me anything anymore. I'm half tempted to steal it and act I have no clue who ate it. It'll go like this.

My mom: "Did you eat my red velvet cake?"

Me: Whaaaat? No..." *awkward fake it wasn't me voice* lol

For those of you who aren't aware of this, I write poetry. I've been writing it off and on since I was like 10. I've been a member of the site www.allpoetry.com for several years. I like how that site works. Or I did until today. I haven't used it for a while because I've been on a poetry hiatus for a couple of months now. I like how they have an option to choose a synonym and the option to check on words that rhyme. I like my poetry to rhyme and sometimes, not usually but sometimes, you find yourself come across a word that is difficult to find a rhyming partner for. I liked how the community was very helpful if you were in a dry spot or if you couldn't figure out the next line and you could post it and people would help. I liked that. I mean I mostly used it for the synonym and rhyming bit because I'm fairly decent at writing poetry. Anyway, today I wrote one and upon hitting "post poem" I found out a new feature they've added. You are required now to rate and comment on 3 poems before you are allowed to post your own. To me this is crazy. I don't want to READ poetry. I want to WRITE poetry. Ugh! And to top this off I had a really good idea for the next poem I was planning on writing before I hit post and once I had read through a whole section of poems since I now have to comment on something I had forgotten it. Ugh. I'm going to find a new poetry site if they keep this bs up. I'm kinda annoyed now. /rant

Update: My play through on survivor with The Last of Us is going well. I'm currently with Bill and Ellie in the graveyard. The subway was soo annoying because I kept getting caught trying to unlock the safe. Eventually I was like "Fuck it the safe isn't worth it" and once I left the safe alone I managed lol. After my survivor run I'm going to start the multiplayer with a psn friend of mine who also hasn't tried it yet. If you'd like to join us add me on psn with Tlou or VR in your subject and I'll gladly add back. Trophy card is here.

Well fuck. Been playing The Last of Us today a lot and I feel like I haven't made much progress. I started a survivor difficulty game 50% for the trophy and 50% for the challenge lol and boy is it challenging. I'm only at the part in the museum with all the clickers where you come across your first safe? I keep getting messed up there every single time so I've taken a break. I was stuck earlier on the part before this one lol so I sense a trend coming. That game is so awesome. I haven't enjoyed a game this much since I first played God of War. I played the demo for Lego Marvel Super Heros earlier? It was nice to play as Iron Man but I feel he might be a bit over powered. I mean I flew up in the sky and the mud people couldn't even though me. If it weren't for the Sandman throwing rocks and dirt I wouldn't have even been touched. Plus I was kinda dicking around with the flying mechanics. Seeing how I could ascend and descend to dodge rocks so I mean it wasn't all shoot shoot shoot win win during my time with the game is was "Lets see if flying lower will help me avoid this object." fyi: For the most part it did if you can get it down and what not. It felt good to open The Last of Us brand new. I usually buy a lot of my games either second hand or when the game drops in price because I'm usually flat broke but I splurged on The Last of Us and man opening that wrapping for the first time in months and months? I have to admit it was badass. I like the smell of unopened games lol. Hopefully come Christmas I can open up some more plastic wrapped new games because I haven't been in this good a mood in so long it's almost pathetic. Oh well. If you haven't tried The Last of Us where have you been? Try it! You'll love it. It's a great game. Here's to gaming in general. Huzzah!

Went to Gamestop today and bought The Last of Us. Also renewed my powerup card. Tomorrow is The Last of Us day lol. I've finished it 2 I think maybe 3 times already but I have only ever rented it until now. Add me on psn if you want to play the multiplayer. I have a mic. Trophy card is in my profile.

Today was... challanging. I think I have the flu or something. I threw up twice last night and my head hurt till after 7am. It hurts now and I threw up once today. So I'm going to take it extreamly slow and easy tomorrow. I have strongly mixed feelings about today. Part of me feels like I should hae tried harder to be more patient while the other part knows I don't deserve to have someones bad day to be taken out on me when I just tried to be there for the person. It's probably still my fault though some how some way. Which sucks but what can you do? I'm going to drink a 7up and watch some movies to clear my head and maybe kill this nausea. Go me.

Today wasn't that good to be honest. I learned some information that hurt pretty bad but in reality I expected it. Doesn't make the ouch any less though. I think I'm coming down with something. I've been fighting nausea all day and my head has been hurting on and off. I dunno. It just sucks. Today wasn't what I wanted but to be honest I can't expect it to be what I want. I'm going to have to work harder on myself. I've made a little progress but it's not nearly on the level I need to be at. I wish there was an easy button. I wish there was a ebook on amazon for it. Actually I wish I was Tony Stark. I could totally lose myself making new suits. I need to get lost for a while. Even an hour or two would help a lot but how does one get lost on purpose? I'm complicated. Ignore me. Everyone else does.

*slowly bangs his head against the brick wall outside*

Scratch that cooking thing. Got discouraged and decided to just do burgers or something. *sighs*

If you know me at all you know I'm in no way a chef. Not even in the slightest. I fail at most cooking. My aunt gave me a taste of a dish she made and it was really good. She left me the recipe and she still has the stuff for it so I'm considering giving it a try. It seems really easy and I don't think even I can fuck it up. So I plan on trying it. Worse case scenario I end up eatting hotpockets which is fine by me. Wish me luck!

Not that anyone really reads this but I'm at my aunts till late Sunday or early Monday so I might not do the whole journal thing unless something really good or really bad happens. Lets hope for some good. I could use some good. Definately some good would be nice.

Finished up all of the single player trophies for Portal 2. Now all thats left is the multiplayer ones. I could probably boost them if I found a friend who had Portal 2 also but seeing as my friends list is super sparse I don't see that happening. I suppose if I had to I could rent it or something and get them myself. Sometimes it sucks not having friends who play games. I mean I have a friend and a brother who play but with one copy of the game it's hard to get mutiplayer stuff. Meh. I'll manage. I'm going to my aunts (hopefully) for the weekend again. If I do then I might end up with The Last of Us or Diablo 3 which would rock. So keep your fingers crossed dear reader because I want me some The Last of Us. lol. Plus it will be good to get away from the fuckers I live with for a while. The suckage level these people have lately is over 9000!

Also on a side note, how annoying would it be to start using my trophy card as kinda like a stamp when I rate? I feel like if I did it would maybe let more people see my id. Its in my profile but some people don't rate back. I'm a decent person to game with. I don't belittle people or talk a lot of shit. I swear a bit when I'm messing up or getting killed because of my own mistakes but I don't call people out as the reason I'm "losing" or whatevs. Meh, I probably won't do it. It's just a random thought. After all, adding my small little trophy card wouldn't be nearly as annoying as some of the stamps I've received.

Finished up quite a few of the trophies for Portal 2 today. I'm down to just one solo trophy I believe and then it's on to the multiplayer. Speaking of video games, I downloaded Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisian today as part of the Instant Game Collection for Playstation Plus. Playstation Plus has been really good to me in the short amount of time I've had it. I've downloaded almost every game because I've either missed out on getting them or had other things to play and never got around to them. I haven't started a game on DD:DA yet but I do plan on it soon. I really want to wrap Portal 2 up before I move on because I'm fairly close to the plat.



It's windy out and to be honest it looks like rain. It's rained on and off for a week or more lately and frankly I'm sick of it. The reason is it seems like I've been getting cold easy the past few days and earlier I felt kinda sick. Hopefully I'm not coming down with some kind of bug. That would blow balls. Oh well. It is what it is, no?

Been listening to Blue Octobers most recent album a lot today. That band is amazing. Their lyrics really speak to me when I'm having a hard time finding meaning in this world. Today was okay I guess. I finally finished Portal 2. If any of you have it and would like to help me get the trophy for hugging peeps on your friends list I'd be greatful. No one on my list has it so I'm going to have a hard time getting that trophy for the plat. I'd gladly help anyone in return.



I had some fucked up dreams last night. I used to keep a journal about my dreams but after reading it last night I deleted it. Unfortunately a lot of my dreams have ended up coming true. It sucks but I can't control what I dream. Sometimes I'm afraid to go to sleep because of what I might dream. My dreams are very vivid and realistic. There have been times where I've woken up from a dream and it took me a few minutes to realize I was only dreaming and shit wasn't really going down. Being a me I have a hard time talking about shit like this but I'm in one of my rare expressive moods. So either #dealwithit or gtfo XD lol. Off to find something to do. I'm not tired in the least.



Add me on psn.

Yesterdays episode of The Walking Dead kinda sucked. Rick didn't even consult with the council about his choice. I feel that things could have been handeled better. If they can let Murel hang out with them then why not her? I don't know. It just didn't sit well with me. I look for Daryl to be piiiiiiissed. End rant.

Honestly I don't know if I even want to do this journal thing every day anymore. It's strange because it helps me clear my head but sometimes whats in my head isn't sonething I should put here. I'm so weird. I don't even get me sometimes. Moving on. Played a little Portal 2 today. I'm right at the end I just can't seem to make the time to sit down and actually finish it. I might do it tomorrow but I keep saying that so I don't know if it will actually happen. Today I blame Sheldon and The Big Bang Theory cast for stealing my attention away from Portal 2. I need a new video game. I need something to hold my attention. I need something to help me get lost and to really immerse me in gameplay. I haven't gotten lost in a game since Skyrim to be honest. Trophy hunting on Skyrim was the shit. I'm half tempted to create a sub account just to platinum Skyrim again. It's the bleeding journey that was fun for me. Maybe I'll start a pure archery character on master difficulty. We will have to see. Well off to go do something until I get tired. Go me.

Slept like garbage last night. Whats new? I plan on playing a shit ton of video games today to take my mind off the shitty evening I had last night. It really sucked. My nose bled again last night. Seems to do that when I get pissed or really sad lately. Blood pressure is normal though so Idk. If anyone is planning on playing video games today add me on psn. I have a mic so if we play the same games we can chat. I'll probably be playing Portl 2, Dead Space 3, and Borderlands 2 a lot today so feel free to join me. Well off for a shower then video games. Go me.

Looks like my best friend doesn't want to be my friend anymore. That really sucks. We had been in a relationship on again off again and it ended for good just recently and I've had a hard time with it. She was really understanding about it until today. I guess she had just had enough of me. It sucks because I'll really miss her. I've never had a friend like her before. She really is awesome but I guess me being a little jealous of her new awesome friend was too much. *shakes his head* I don't know what I'll do now. I just hurt people. I hurt things. I must be really bad at being good when thats really all Ive wanted to be my whole life. I'm sorry for being such a horrible friend and I hope your new one is everything you need in a friend. You deserve a better one than me.

Fucking hate being lonely. I wish I could burn that emotion from my brain. If I could do that? I could handle the rest...

COMMENTS

-

---

Lylia
06:56 Nov 02 2013

Loneliness is an odd thing.. it's description and personal definition has many forms..

---

JustinDupree
07:08 Nov 02 2013

aint that the truth.

---

POST COMMENT

Today has been laaaaame so far. Hopefully things get better soon. I started playing Portal 2 again. I bought it a while ago off psn when it was on sale and I pretty much exclusively played split screen with my bro so I didn't really give the solo campaign a good go. It's actually pretty fun. It's pretty challanging at times especially on this one level where I had no idea how to get the cube off of this platform. Other than that it's been a good experience. I like it. I think this coming weekend I'll pick up Sly 4. I've had my eye on it for a while now and I think it's time I take the leap. I've got all the trophies on the first 3 so hopefully this ones platinum will be added to my list before long. I really need to get The Last of Us though. That game is the shit. Oh well off to either watch The Big Bang Theory or continue Portal 2. Feel free to add me on psn. Trophy card's in my profile.