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Well it looks to me as if one of the things I value most is at last the end of me. No matter, a man without a soul can still live, however a small or tortured life it is, he can still live so therefore no promises will be broken. No backstabbing will occur on his part. What's a soul anyway? Something to use to express yourself? ~laughs~ I can do that with my words. With my actions I need not a soul. What's life? I dont' need it either but others need me so I live on, hopefully comming to some form of happiness, some small minute of triumph. It all comes down to this, At least I'm alive right? Souless but alive...

Yet again I lie in bed at night and yet again I don't sleep. Yet again my mind wanders and yet again I'm restless. It always seems the way I am that I'm never quite good enough. For anyone. No matter how good I try to be, my best is never good enough. No matter how I try to be the best that I can no one seems to notice. Well almost no one. There are a few of you who know I do my best in all I do. There are a few that know that no matter what, I do what I feel is right. There are a select few, no more then two who know that I'm the best I can. You all know though deep down that Justin isn't perfect. It's like the old saying goes, No one is perfect. Well I'm living proof of that. It just seems to me that some people realize it and they accept it and they don't dwell on it. Yet others will pick apart that fact like they themselves are worthy of the title perfect. They aren't. Everyone makes mistakes, some more then others, yes, that's true, but I learn from my mistakes. Almost always. And a mistake I seem to always make is never being good enough. Thanks for reading this, if you think this is absurd and stupid then you're most likeling one of the ones who pick and abuse the fact I'm not perfect. If you understand what I'm saying and what I'm feeling then you're obviously one of the two who really know me, who know what I feel, who know what I think, who know who I am on the inside. Who, quite frankly know me, in general, and are not afraid to say it. Thank you both, you know who you are, and who out there really loves me. And to the rest of you, you'll come around or be very very lonely. Thank you for reading. Ta ta for now.

Being immortal. It's a lovely thing. But even one who cannot die has a weakness. Even a God can crumble. Even a God can fucking quake and fall and land in his own mortality. Life hates strong people, it just does. Life throws boulders and stones, and knives, and swords at the strong ones. The ones who can withstand them. But then again, if we could withstand them why do we fall? If life is so sure we can handle all it throws why does it throw what we love the most out the window? Why is life like that? Immortality. It comes down to this. Are you willing to live through all that life throws at you? And can you do it alone? I used to think I could. I don't any more. I don't want to be immortal.



"And it's sweet to think on, that, if at last we grow weary of this world, there is the raising sun." ~The Vampire Armand.~

Happiness, Earth's Dagger with which to slay the innocent. Love, Earth's sword to peirce the heart of the most worthy. Companions, Earth's Assassins. Life, Earth's small gift in which at a blink, will be taken. The world is just one big ball of let down, no?

Ever felt that you were so unloved that even the ones whom claim to love you, don't? Ever felt as if were you to leave, not a single person on hell's creation would care or miss you? I feel that way now. I feel as if the world might carry me away and not a single person would care, give a single thought to my absentness, or worry where I have gone. Not that it matters. I once wrote in my profile, here, that I did not need to be loved. That was a lie. An unintentional one, because before I wrote that I didn't need to be loved. Hadn't ever been loved, really. Parents only because they had to but never truely loved, not loved for me, or for my personality. Well, now that I have had a small minuet taste of it, I need it. I crave it. I desire to be loved with everything in me. I lied on the day I wrote that I didn't need it. I didn't mean to but I lied. And I feel guilty. I should have realized it. I'm only human, I'm not a beast, or a jackel. I'm not a demon, or hellspawn. I'm a mortal man and mortal men, as much as they may feel immortal, are still prone to the facts of life. And one of those facts are, we humans, as much as we dislike to admit it, need to be loved. I know I do at least. I need it with every fiber of my being. Too bad life plays cruel tricks on us, and the thing we vaule most isn't given to us. Hell, I might never find what I need. Might never be loved the way I need or want to be. But no matter because as much as I may need it, as much as I may want to be loved by other people, it's just not destined to happen. I love myself but only because if not I am to love myself then who on this earth will? Who? WHO ELSE WILL LOVE ME???????

No one. Because that is my destiny...

Another day. Another wasted effort. Go figure..........

Love. Life. Redemption. Salvation. All four all good things. Lies. Deceite. Secrets. Death. All four all no ones favorite things. The path in ones life is filled with good times and bad but what if the bad out weigh the good? What if everyone you've ever trusted stabbed you in the back? What if everyone you've loved betrayed you? What if the lies out number the truths and what if the secrets show more lies? What if the world were to crumble and fall, would you still be there for me? For the actions we make and the words that we speak, do they determine the way that we are? I think so but then again I don't. What a controdiction. Maybe that's what life is. One huge controdiction. Forgive me. I'm rambling. Please carry on.