Honor: 0 [ Give / Take ]
71 entries this month
02:04 Mar 31 2010
Times Read: 788
So I was dicking around with a new psx Emulator last night on this computer so I could play my physical copy of Final Fantasy 9. I tried Epsxe on here but it wouldn't let me get past the first Black Waltz fight, which is weird because it's a 4.5 stars out of 5 emulator. Final Fantasy 9 is really the only game I want to play on here since my copy has scratches on it (I've had it since 2000) and so it will no longer play on my ps2. Or ps3 for that matter since it can play ps1 games. Anyway, I digress. I then tried a 3 star out of 5 star emulator called psX emulator. It's a REALLY FUCKING GOOD emulator. I'm using a notebook and it's build around a desktop processer from what I gather from reading the forums on it and it runs remarkably well. Very FEW slow downs at all and the battle streaming is flawless. The only issue I've found is the sound sometimes skips a little but I rarely play the sound anyway, I usually just play music straight from my hard drive. Anyway, it's a great emulator so google it for those of you interested in playing your "physical" copy of ps1 games on a pc as I don't support pirating... *grins and chuckles*
03:53 Mar 30 2010
Times Read: 795
Sometimes not everything is as it seems.
15:07 Mar 29 2010
Times Read: 808
I'm kinda optimistic today. Lets see how long that lasts. I hope it lasts all day.
05:07 Mar 29 2010
Times Read: 815
Okay like you guys really suck sometimes. It's like you can find time to comment on my personal life but when I need the help you guys sit idly by while a poem lives without a title! How would you guys feel if I stole your name? You'd be appalled! :( So what I'm trying to say is, boo, I expected more out of you people.
17:44 Mar 28 2010
Times Read: 825
So I just got through watching The Fourth Kind. That movie is fucking creepy! It's the first movie in a long ass time to make me jump more then the usual fluke one some movies can give you. That movie was awesome and to think the only reason I even got it was because it was on the list of movies that showed up with a searched for a different one. SO fucking glad I saw it. I highly reccomend it.
13:48 Mar 28 2010
Times Read: 829
Well today already started out bad with her. I'm giving her until she reads my journal before I start my shit though. It's the least I can do even though my journal will probably change nothing. She's got more important things to do now so she can't spare 30 seconds even though she has signed in here already. *shrugs* I don't care. I really don't.
08:17 Mar 28 2010
Times Read: 833
So today started out great and then when I signed in totally went down hill. I'm so sick of bad days. I'm so sick of her being so fucking angry and sarcastic and pissy and all that for no reason. Just because I don't kiss her ass she gets to be a bitch? Fuck that. If she can be a bitch I can be a bastard. So tomorrow, and this isn't a threat it's a promise, if she starts her shit, prepare for a bastard because I'm sick of it. I want my partner back not this egotistical, vengeful, sarcastic, mean woman she's been today. We'll see how tomorrow goes. There's a 50-50 chance I'll be writting a pissed off, angry, bastardish entry. So lets cross our fingers for a good day.
08:09 Mar 28 2010
Times Read: 834
There's always tomorrow.
ATTENTION
07:53 Mar 28 2010
Times Read: 838
So apparently some of the people who have been reading my journal have been sending my girl messages and insulting her. That's not cool people. It's okay to have an opinion. I'm not saying that's bad. I'm saying you shouldn't message her just because you don't agree with how she is. I appreciate people who don't know me caring somewhat but I would also appreciate it even more to know that no one is going to insult her and make things harder on me by it. Thanks in advance for not doing that anymore. I greatly appreciate it. If only you people knew what she's like when she's not being a bitch you'd know why I'm still with her and why I don't want to change that. She's awesome when she wants to be. I just hope she'll want to be more often. Thanks again.
04:34 Mar 28 2010
Times Read: 846
So my good mood is terminated. I was in a decent mood today and now it's not so much. Seems to always happen when I'm kinda cheerful and optimistic. I think I shouldn't be so optimistic after such a horrible 3 days a while back but I'm trying but people don't see that and so *shrugs* Whatever. If people aren't weird then we should be okay but like I said, optimism isn't part of my mood anymore today. Oh well. There's always tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day.
Stupid gamestop!13:27 Mar 26 2010
Times Read: 857
So I got the sale adds in my email today. Gamestop sends them to me every once in a while since I got my gamestop card. Anyway, I was looking through them and lo and behold KillZone 2 is only 34.99 used and with my card I can get like 10% off so it would be like 30 bucks. Grrr! They always send me shit with a game I want for a reasonable price when I have no cash. Gay. And I'm bored off my ass and since my tv went out the other day, no ps3 for me. Hopefully my sister will let me borrow hers to play God of War. *crosses his fingers*
16:22 Mar 25 2010
Times Read: 865
Even after all the shit I've been through the past 4 days, I still try and help and once again I fail. Epicly. Must be my new calling or something.
04:15 Mar 25 2010
Times Read: 875
So all I really wanted to do today was just talk. I wanted to put it all out on the table. I wanted everything to be out there so I can evaluate everything as a whole and then take and reevaluate everything individually. I wanted to hear every side of it. I wanted to hear what she had to say. I was willing to listen. Not the bullshit "I can't do anything about it, you don't forgive me" bla bla bla. None of that crap. I wanted to hear what she did wrong, why she did it that way to begin with, what was going on in her head and what she thinks she should have done instead. I'm still pissed but I'm not unreasonable. I was yesterday but to be honest I'm too tired to be unreasonable now. I can comprehend though. I can listen and absorb information. But once again because she had a bad day, we'll suffer for it. I'm being ignored right now. *shrugs* I'm used to it. I still find it disrespectful but what does my opinion ever matter. I just think it's sad that we have to go through I don't even know how many bad days before we can reach a neutral one. Once again, I'll wait until she's ready. I always fucking do.
04:09 Mar 25 2010
Times Read: 876
A person can only take so much disrespect...
04:01 Mar 25 2010
Times Read: 878
One step forward and two steps back...
02:43 Mar 25 2010
Times Read: 882
I guess some people just don't take quotes seriously. I only post them on here when they're relevant to the current going ons in my life. Take the DiNozzo quote for example. Some people really need to follow that. You can't keep turning in circles and expect to get a square. It doesn't work like that. If you keep doing something and it doesn't get the results you want, obviously a change to what you're doing is well over due.
Good ol' NCIS to save the day. *scoffs*
18:31 Mar 24 2010
Times Read: 887
If you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always got.- Anthony DiNozzo
14:03 Mar 24 2010
Times Read: 889
Couldn't sleep tonight. I'm completly exhausted to be honest. I'm kinda weak and a little dizzy. *shrugs* And I can't think straight. Like right now, I'm watching Big Cat Diary and I don't usually watch shows like that. Usually the stuff I watch has a little more action in it. Like NCIS (watched it before this) and Forensic Files (watched it all night until infomercials came on) so I'm kinda suprised at myself. Then again when You've had 2 hours of sleep in 3 days you do suprising things. *sighs*
07:42 Mar 24 2010
Times Read: 902
The proof is plain and simple. She cares so little for me she can't even put it into words. I wrote this last night. Not that it fucking matters anymore.
She'll say mean things again. And she'll call me things, horrible things once more. She'll expect me to forgive her and I will. I shouldn’t but I do because what more is love then forgiveness? What more is love then dispatching the sins of those we care for? What more is love when all you do is care with every fiber of your being and you take the good with the bad consecutively? What more, I ask you, is love when you'd die in her arms to see a single smile? If that's not love then I implore you, what is? -Justin Dupree
21:46 Mar 23 2010
Times Read: 911
So I'm going to write in here a little bit about how I feel right now. She said she would delete my messages so I'm really left with no choice. So she can get pissed and throw another fit all she wants but I have to get it off my chest.
I feel betrayed, as I've said before. Betrayed because I've never put something as simple as a social networking site before her. I've stopped talking to people on here while I was talking to her since the second day after I met her. It's never changed. Someone messages me and I'm talking to her I either ignore it or I say I'm busy and then ignore all messages after that one. She doesn't seem to get it but when you're more worried about looking good on a social networking site then you are about looking at the bigger picture and taking what I wrote before as a wakeup call, then that's self centered. If you can't see that I was looking for you to see what you were doing and maybe, just maybe make a move to make things right. But you don't see that. You only see I'm "trying" to tarnish your precious reputation on here. It's not about that. I don't care how these people see you. If you want to pretend you're perfect for them, go for it. I'll let you do it. Hell, I'll even go along with it but I know for a fact you're not. You fuck up just like everyone else. You're human. But you don't see what I see and saw when I wrote that. You only see what you want. And then to say the things you did that just proves what I've thought for a long while now. That this site means more to you then I do. I guess I've always known it in one shape or another but it's never been proven until now. So I feel betrayed because I've only ever given you loyalty and held you above all else, lost sleep to talk to you, cut my activities so I can spend time with you, told other people to get lost so I can give you my undivided attention and that's not even to mention all of the other things I do for you that you won't even awknowlage. It's okay though. All I wanted was a little loyalty and I was let down. I'll eventually get over it but I'll never forget it and it'll always hurt deep down to know that VR is far superior to Justin in the only place that it matters. With you.
21:23 Mar 23 2010
Times Read: 916
God I'm so tired. I've slept 2 hours in two days so I'm dragging ass. Be patient people for I may be quite sarcastic. That usually happens when I'm exhausted. I feel too betrayed to sleep. So this will likely presist.
06:52 Mar 23 2010
Times Read: 937
And her name will be written microscopically with my blood in each and every tear I cry for no one but she can make me feel so loved yet so despised.- Justin Dupree
04:56 Mar 23 2010
Times Read: 942
And so this love you claim was tested, branded by the reins of hardship and you proved beyond a shadow of a doubt where your true loyalties lie. And we both know what this means for me...
04:47 Mar 23 2010
Times Read: 943
True love is picking the person you love over anything and everything not putting a website above love. That's just stupid.
04:42 Mar 23 2010
Times Read: 944
It's sad isn't it when the person you love more then anything is more loyal to a website full of people who don't know her then the one person she "loves"? How sad is it when she's more worried about what 2-3 people think about her then how her own "husband" feels? But no, it's all about her. All about you. All about what you want and what you feel and how you want things to be. It's never about me because VR means more to you then I do. You just proved it right there.
04:23 Mar 23 2010
Times Read: 947
So now I'm being ignored for probably something I don't realize I did. That seems to be the trend. Blame me for something small and turn it into something big. *rolls his eyes* So much for doing your part.
Something I Can Never Have- Nine Inch Nails
02:37 Mar 23 2010
Times Read: 951
I still recall the taste of your tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep
Anymore
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And i'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go way
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Gray would be the colour if I had a heart
Come on, tell me
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And I'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be
Come on, tell me!
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing
And i'm starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make it all go way
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have
02:01 Mar 23 2010
Times Read: 965
So apparently she can talk to whomever she wants on here and it suprises her that I talk to people as well. To me it comes down to this. This is a social networking site. If she can talk to whoever she wants I will to. Until I can control who she talks to she can't control who I talk to. It's sad because a relationship shouldn't be like that. I shouldn't have to control anything she does nor should she control my shit. And then I get accused of having an attitude when I point that out. Whatever dude, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of all the accusations with no grounds, all of the emo mood swings just because and all of the anger for no reason. I'm just tired. Tired of it all and I don't know how much more I can deal with all at once by myself. It would help a lot if she would help but that's not likely so I'm on my own like always. These past couple of days have been hell. She calls me a retard she blames me for her fuck ups, she comes to me and says she's annoyed and when I ask why so I can help I get accused for not being understanding. It's like nothing I do is good enough. I've felt like this before and it goes away for a while but it always comes back when she acts like this. She thinks just because she's having a bad time at work that it's okay for me to have to do everything. That it's okay for me to have to carry the whole conversation 100% of the time with her only adding her two cents in here and there. It's not fair because I shouldn't have to do everything and I guess it comes down to this. I wouldn't mind it so much if it wasn't like that ALL the time. I always have to do everything. I ask her "So tell me what's on your mind" and she fires back with "No you" so I do and then I ask her again and she fires back with the same. It's like I can't get in because she won't let me and I can't do anything about it. And all of this in her words is contributed to PMS. Bull because she's never been like this before when she's had it. Sometimes I feel like just crawling into bed and weathering the storm until she's ready to be happy again but I shouldn't have to wait on her to be happy. It shouldn't be like that but that's how she wants it and that's how she'll have it or she'll walk out like she's threatened to so many times before. God sometimes I wish I didn't even wake up and this is one of those days. I did nothing wrong but she'll never say that because in her eyes I'm nothing but one big fuck up when I don't see how I am. Whatever though. Nothing will change so you'd think I'd be used to it. *sighs*
01:42 Mar 23 2010
Times Read: 972
Don't you hate it when people expect you to stop whatever you're doing just to respond to their message when they want you to? That bugs me. It's like you can't expect me to stop my shit just to message you back. People annoy me sometimes.
04:50 Mar 22 2010
Times Read: 992
Ugh, sexually frustrated. Not even the wrath of Kratos chewing through the hide of a minotaur can deter my mind. Sometimes a guy just wants to fuck.
03:38 Mar 22 2010
Times Read: 996
So for the record she said she wanted time alone. So that means there is no CHANCE IN HELL this can come back and be on my head. Let the record show that it was SHE who wanted me to go not me who wanted to go. As long as that's clear, It's game time.
03:37 Mar 22 2010
Times Read: 997
Sometimes people just can't admit there are bigger things out there then themselves. I'm going to go play God of War III or Final Fantasy XIII I'm not sure which but I'm sure it'll be a sequal XD If you guys want to chat I'll check back periodically.
02:18 Mar 22 2010
Times Read: 1,003
Or the simple fact that I don't want to see you spewing your "you're not understanding" bs. Might be that.
01:02 Mar 22 2010
Times Read: 1,010
I'm outty. If you want me you know where to find me. I've never been hard to find. I love you.
00:24 Mar 22 2010
Times Read: 1,012
You know what bugs me? People who think just because it's hard they have to end their life. It's like dude, shit happens. You deal with it and you move on. It's that simple. I don't care how hard something is that does NOT constitute suicide. I'm sorry but I think anyone who thinks just because things get tough that they ought to off themselves is just seeking attention. Adults don't think like that. Or they shouldn't. Sometimes people need to grow up and deal with whatever life throws at them because in this world there are plenty of people worse off then you are so regardless of what you have chucked at you, you could be far far worse. People bug me sometimes.
23:00 Mar 21 2010
Times Read: 1,018
You try, you get ignored. Ugh. I got a bad feeling about today.
06:31 Mar 21 2010
Times Read: 1,022
I'm such a hipocrite. I go to her and message her and ask her something and she's annoyed and she's had a bad day and she doesn't feel like explaining it to me and I won't get it anyway. So much for trying. Good night guys.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!06:28 Mar 21 2010
Times Read: 1,023
Every Goddamned time I put the controller down I summon the spirits of Sparta on accident and the shriek they bellow scares the shit out of me. EVERY TIME! And it sucks because I've drank like 4 bottles of water and 2 20oz bottles of Mt Dew today so I have to piss like every 5 minutes. LOL!
05:02 Mar 21 2010
Times Read: 1,029
So since she deleted my comment (real mature, proves my point here) I'll add what I said to hers to mine.
The only other person who ever does get it you push away with your insults, your anger and your "fuck you's" It's staring you in the face and you refuse to see it. You never have and sometimes I wonder if you ever will.
Delete that.
04:40 Mar 21 2010
Times Read: 1,030
It must fucking rock to be wrong and not have to admit it. It must be so cool to just sit back and wait until the person you fucked over comes and talks to you about it. It must be so awesome to have someone really boss love you unconditionally and immeasureably only to screw them over by not admiting when you fuck up. And it must be so boss to have absolutly no worry in the world about spending time apart because of something YOU did. Man. Sometimes having a concious blows big cyclops balls. (For those of us who have no clue, yes that was a God of War reference)
02:35 Mar 21 2010
Times Read: 1,031
I've come to find out, apparently you can't start a new game plus on God of War III. So I only have one question. How do I max out all my stuff then?! Ahh! lol. I've probably missed some chests or something holding red orbs. That or Aphrodite will be screaming Kratos ;)
10:04 Mar 20 2010
Times Read: 1,035
Just finished God of War III. All I can say is WOW! I've never been on the edge of my seat as much as I was when I played this game. Awesome. Simply awesome. And that ending?! WTF? Lol For those of you who read this and want to comment, no spoilers. There are people who aren't as awesome as I am and haven't beaten it in 9 hours and 38 minutes 10 seconds on my first playthrough. Needless to say I'm starting another playthrough first thing and maybe I can get that other 44 percent of the trophies I'm missing. :D
On a more serious topic. This game meant a lot to me on many levels. It's the end of a trilogy, an epic game in and of itself and an amazing showcase of the sparks and whistles behind my favorite next gen gaming system, the ps3. This game meant alot to me because it came from someone I really love. It has special value for that reason alone. I only wish the other night handn't turned out the way it did. If it hadn't I would have enjoyed this game a little more. I still enjoyed it imminsly though. Thank you is in order for my girl. She's the reason I have this one. Thanks love.
19:41 Mar 19 2010
Times Read: 1,041
Before the age of twilight set upon the Gods, a legend rose to take his place among them. And even though Kratos sat on the throne as the new God of War, he was haunted by the visions of his family, a family he himself murdered. Tormented by the Gods, Kratos sought vengance from the highest orders. Those who stood before him fell by his blades. The hands of death could not defeat him, the Sisters of Fate could not control him, and on this day the man, the legend, Kratos will finally have his revenge...
06:06 Mar 19 2010
Times Read: 1,050
Well the streak ended today. Was going great for 3 whole days. Apparently I'm the bad guy for being understanding of hormonal issues and for not doing EVERYTHING today while all she did was tell me about a dream. Wow. And remember the whole "fuck you" thing? Came up again. No matter how many "I'll try super hard not to say it again's" come out. *sighs and shakes his head* I can't win. I just can't fucking win.
Oh and one more thing. Now she calls me a retard. *shakes his head again* Somethings you just never forget.
YAY!
08:22 Mar 15 2010
Times Read: 1,055
So today rocked ass. I woke up in a good mood and it consistantly stayed that way this whole day. My girl and I did really well today. She held her part down really well. I'm so proud of her. Days like today show me that she can totally do her part and we can totally be happy. All those times we've fought and what not pale in comparison to the good times. The happy times. I really love her and days like today remind me why. We had a friendly playful argument over something small and we both walked away unscaved. I love that. I love it when things go like that. It really reminds me why I fight so hard to stay in this relationship and it really reminds me how much I love this girl. Baby, if you read this, YOU FUCKING ROCK! Keep it up because if you do we can own the fucking world! :D
03:25 Mar 14 2010
Times Read: 1,063
Well today started out pretty well. The conversation started out pretty well and I was actually smiling for the most part of today since I woke up. Then something I said gets taken the wrong way and now that smile has faded. I'm not a negative person. I had a happy, smiling, non aggresive, and optimistic attitude today. I was looking forward to this. To talking to her and forwarding our progress. *sighs and shakes his head sadly* Well she'll never admit she took it wrong so I'll just have to look forward to tomorrow and hope for a better day.
02:22 Mar 12 2010
Times Read: 1,067
There are things about ourselfs that we have no control over. The economy is bad. People lose their jobs. People can't find jobs. People have no money sometimes. That's not their fault? People make choices. Like me for instance. I got kicked out of school. I'm not proud of it. I'm not saying it's cool but it happened. And instead of going back like I wanted to, I chose to stay home and help my dad. He has MD and is in a wheelchair. Yeah, he wasn't the best dad in the world but he had a hand in giving me life and if I hadn't stayed home to help him he'd have gone to a nursing home. My mom can't take care of him. She has major back problems and a joint disease in both knees. She walks with a cane and there's no way she can lift him in and out. I chose family over my own goals. Will I have second thoughts about it? Always. Will I regret it? Never. It's made me who I am today. But then again, who I am isn't good enough for some people. You see, apparently my not having a job because of my choices and what not is bad news. Apparently that makes me less of a man, to stay home and take care of my parents. I'm honest. I'm trustworthy. I'm a good listener. I'm caring, I'm passionate about what I believe in. And somehow that's not enough. Somehow loving someone so much that you're willing to leave your life behind isn't enough. Seems like no matter what I do I'm never enough. I've had girls tell me "ah, you're too ugly to date" or "I don't date fat guys" and stuff like that. And none of that means anything to me. It's nothing. Who cares what they think? But then, the creame da la creame. The girl of me dreams comes along. She's perfect for me in every sense of the word. She's who makes me whole and complete and all those good things love makes one feel. But there's a catch. She lives 2000 miles away (By her calculations) and apparently I'm not a good person. She's mad at me for being who I am among other things that I won't go into here all increasingly more shallow and sad. I'm not a materialistic person. I don't need items to make me happy. But apparently some of us do. *wipes his eyes* So much for being prince charming...
My favorite Scene from FFXIII as of this point in the game.00:28 Mar 12 2010
Times Read: 1,072
Paraphrased by me.
Snow: So you’re going to leave me?
Serah: I don’t want to. I have to.
Snow: Okay well being single isn’t so bad. Yep. It wasn’t before. Before I met you. But now I know there’s something better. Being with you.
Serah: I don’t want to see you anymore. Please, just go away.
Snow: Why then? Tell me that at least. If it’s something I did just say so.
Serah: Okay… I’m a li’cie. Enemy of Cocoon. Your enemy.
Snow: No… Serah! What’s your focus? I’ll go with you. I can help you meet your focus… If only you’ll let me.
Serah: That’s just it, Snow. I don’t know my focus… I’m going to become one of those monsters!
Snow: No, you won’t, Serah, I can protect you. We can do this. Together. I promise.
Snow is more like me then any of the previous characters from any of the previous games. He cares so much for Serah that he becomes a Li'cie, a cursed and cast away danger to all of cocoon just to save her. I love like Snow does. I care like Snow does. I just wish My "Serah" realized that like the one from the Game. *sighs* Leave it to the Final Fantasy Series to make you feel even more lonely then just the fact that your girl doesn't want you to even talk to her today. Alas, I don't know how long I can keep doing that...
So heres to tomorrow being better... I hope. ='(10:22 Mar 11 2010
Times Read: 1,083
09:51 Mar 11 2010
Times Read: 1,085
Jesus Christ. This week has not been a very good one for me. The 8th was the anniversary of me and my girl. Not our year anniversary but the month one, I know a lot of people don't celebrate those but the 8th of every month means something to me because it's one more month I've spent with her and lo and behold she fights me. Over something fucking dumb. Then right before we go to sleep I tell her "Happy Anniversary" and no response. That fucking pissed me off. If I were to not say anything back she'd want to fucking rip me a new asshole. But I let it slide. After all we just spend the whole day fighting why start something right before she goes to sleep? Then today she decides she's still pissed about yesterday and blows up all over me. Once again I didn't tell her I'm pissed about her not saying anything. I don't take it out on her, I let it slide again. I continue to do my part and do whatever I can to make it work. So I finally get her to calm down and everything is okay. Then right before she goes to sleep I tell her I love her. She mumbles something back and I asked what she said and she says "Well I said it back" and I said "Riiight, well It didn't sound like it and you're not saying it now so why should I believe it?" my way of getting her to say it again so I could fire back with "I love you more" and maybe get a smile but no. Another fight. "Oh, if you don't believe me then you shouldn't even talk to me tomorrow, I don't even want to be with you right now" and it's just UGH! I do my fucking part all fucking day and she still can't give me props? I don't need her to praise me, I'm not some puppy in training. I'm a grown man, I know what needs to be done but every once in a while I'd like her to SHOW me that doing my part means something. Yeah, tonight she thanked me for it but then she turned right around and gave me the "Don't even talk to me" bullshit. God, why can't she see I'm trying? Why can't she see I love her so much I can't even put it into words? Tomorrow will be another horrible day, you watch and see and I'll somehow be to blame for it. Go me. Bet you all want to be in my shoes huh? *rolls his eyes*
07:05 Mar 11 2010
Times Read: 1,087
06:24 Mar 11 2010
Times Read: 1,091
I'm an asshole? Me? You're the one who blew today out of proportion. I wanted nothing more then to talk to you all day and you go and fuck it up and then try and blame it all on me? Nu uh. Not this time baby. I did nothing wrong and I won't take the blame for your shit. Not this time. It's not fair and I think deep down you know it. I'm not asking for an apology. I'm asking for you to stop what you're doing and work with me instead of against me. I don't need an apology. You had a bad day. I get that. I get that you expected me to be all super happy about the car thing and you didn't get that. But. That doesn't mean you can act like this. Be my partner not my foe. That's all I want.
05:40 Mar 11 2010
Times Read: 1,094
I'm so boss Chuck Norris gets his badass tips from me. :D
05:07 Mar 11 2010
Times Read: 1,096
Well I did my part. I did nothing wrong. I was honest and that's all I can be. I refuse to lie and say I'm phyiced about something I'm not. So when you're ready to act your age and stop acting so immature I'm more then willing to hear you out. I'll talk to you then.
02:45 Mar 11 2010
Times Read: 1,098
I'm not fucking stupid. I wasn't born yesterday and it's insane you'd think I am or was.
02:31 Mar 11 2010
Times Read: 1,099
*chucks his fucking Dr. Pepper out the window and kicks himself mentally for even thinking today would be better*
02:22 Mar 11 2010
Times Read: 1,101
Here's hoping today turns out better the yesterday. *holds his Dr. Pepper up in a salute*
02:20 Mar 11 2010
Times Read: 1,102
Lightning's Eidolon Odin looks boss. Kinda like a mobile suit Gundam type thingy with hair and one bad ass sword. Lightning can turn Odin into his horse, if you guys remember from previous Final Fantasy games, and ride on his back. She then takes his huge ass sword, pulls it apart into two smaller swords and dual weilds them while riding on the horse. How fucking cool is that? And don't worry Odin buffs (kinda like me although I'm more of a Bahamut kinda guy) Lightning can use an ability called Zantazukan just like on the other games although this move won't kill enemies instantly it's still pretty cool. So now Snow has the Shiva sisters and Lightning has Odin. I wonder who's next? (and for those of you reading this who know, keep that shit to yourselves. Spoilers are NOT NOT NOT welcome)
08:01 Mar 10 2010
Times Read: 1,107
Something always fucking comes up when I'm having a pretty good day. I think that's pretty sad. =(
FINAL FANTASY XIII19:16 Mar 09 2010
Times Read: 1,117
Got my copy! :D It's game time.
15:31 Mar 09 2010
Times Read: 1,118
So for those of us playing catch up, let me fill you in on a little bit of what's been going on lately. Preordered Final Fantasy XIII the other day. Going to hopefully pick it up today or suffer the wrath of the launch day Gods. I kinda wanted to go to the midnight release but I couldn't find a ride and I had better things to do anyway. Would have been nice though. Apparently the love of my life wants to be Assistant Coven master what-cha-ma-jigger. I have mixed feelings on it but I'm not about to voice them. I learn from my past mistakes and doing that never results in anything good. I'll just keep my ps3 controler in hand and hope for the best. We'll see how that goes. Thinking about getting my hair cut today. My mom usually does it for me and while a lot of you might thing that's crazy or whatever my mom does a really good job cutting my hair and to be honest with the usual boring style I choose I trust no one else. Been doing a journal lately on Word. Only two entries in but doing that has helped me tremendiously (sp?) I've been able to keep a clear head on most issues and so that alone is worth the 30 minutes or so I take to work on it at a time. Currently waiting on the bus to come get me. Waiting time so far? 60 minutes out of an hour and 45 minute wait. Go New Castle transit. I'll probably catch a burger at Mc Donalds while I wait considering once I'm there it's an hour before they'll come back and get me. I kinda shutter to think what it's like in an actual city and not in this piss spot on the sidewalk of the US. Guess it could be worse though. I could live in Kentucky. XD I'm out. I'll probably watch some TV or drink a Dr. Pepper while I wait. Have a good one guys.
New Day Lyrics
05:16 Mar 09 2010
Times Read: 1,123
Its a new day (Its a new day),
Its a new generation (Its a new generation),
Its a new day (Its a new day),
Now we'll never look back,
No we'll never look back,
Dont you ever tell us no,
Dont you tell us here to go,
Come now tell us who to be,
They will pay for,
Its our legacy,
Every time I feel the past,
Its always there but it can last,
Came today to find our place in time,
Every day I watch the sun,
Rise and fall on everyone,
But today I wake to make tomorrow mine,
Its a new day (Its a new day),
Its a new generation (Its a new generation),
Its a new day (Its a new day),
Now we'll never look back,
No we'll never look back,
Dont you ever tell us no,
Dont you tell us where to go,
Come now tell us who to be,
They wïll pay more,
Its our legacy
04:26 Mar 07 2010
Times Read: 1,132
No matter how hard I try or what I do to make good things happen I'm always the bad guy. But I'll take the blame because I can't bare to lose you even if you don't want to see all I do.
Smile gone
Angers gong
Throbbing through the air tonight
No matter how hard the good guys fight
We always end up bad
The act of trying makes you mad
My words go unheard
My efforts go detered
My fruits instead conjure complaints
Which can't remove my cold restraints
What with all I try
The failing causes me to cry
Please tell me what to do
While I attempt anew
Perhaps one day I will prevail
Until then I'll fight tooth and nail
Please help me end this vicious path
Why can't I seem to escape your wrath
No matter how I try
I'll keep going until I die
This should probably go in the poetry section but it wasn't originally a poem so I don't see it fitting there. It doesn't even have a title...
04:00 Mar 07 2010
Times Read: 1,136
Who knew trying your hardest could get you into so much trouble? =(
My Confession
05:22 Mar 05 2010
Times Read: 1,145
I was going to do this earlier but I wasn't sure how to word it. I'm still not sure but I'm going to give it a try. I figure maybe while talking about it I'll figure a better way to explain it and by explaining it I'll be able to understand it a little more and in understanding it I'll be able to not do it again, or at least as often. That's my goal here. To be honest, to learn from my mistakes and to do my best not to repeat them.
Last night I really fucked up. I let my anger get the best of me. I lost control and I lost my temper. I always give the "do your part, try harder, be an adult" speech. I do that a lot actually. And last night I wasn't any of those things. I didn't do my part, I didn't try that hard and I wasn't an adult. I acted like a two year old spoiled brat and I hurt someone I really love. I made her mad because she expected more from me and I can't blame her. I'd be pissed to. I am pissed at myself for it. She deserves for me to do my part and I let her down. I said things that no one deserves to hear. I didn't mean them. I let my anger and my frustration speak for me. I was really an asshole. I can't excuse it. I can't because I should have listened to all the speeches I've given. I should have taken my own tips on anger control and used them. Instead of doing what was right, I did the oppisit. I wasn't myself. I shouldn't have let things get that far. Last night was a bad night because of me. I made it that way with my lack of self control and I truely regret it. I wish I could change what I said, what I didn't say. I wish I could have told her the truth. That everything she does for me does have vaule. That everytime she does her part it does mean something to me. It means more then I show. I really need to work on that. I didn't give credit where credit was due beause She's really REALLY been trying and I haven't given her the proper thanks for that. She's been following those very tips I should have used. She's been doing so much better and after tonight I realize I've gotten lazy with it. I shouldn't lose control that easy. It was like a light was switched and I was on fire. I just let it all out and that wasn't the right thing to do. That wasn't fair. Even through my anger and my frustration she STILL did her part for the majority of the conversation. That speaks volumes to me. I've thought about it and I can't really thank her enough. Words will never be able to show how much that means to me. It renews my hope and my faith in us. I know I can do better and I'm going to. I'm going to prove I can do my part more. I'm going to prove I can control my anger. I'm going to prove I can do right by our relationship. I failed us both last night and I don't plan on doing that again. WE deserve better then what I was giving last night and I'll do whatever I can to make sure next time is better. I'm not going to say I'm not going to lose my temper again because I'm not perfect. I'll fuck up again. Everyone does. But I can say for a fact that I'm going to do my fucking best to make sure it's not as bad as this time. I'm going to do my best to make sure it's not like last night. I'll make sure I prove my love just like I ask her to. You'll see. I'll do better.
09:31 Mar 04 2010
Times Read: 1,154
I know. Pink. Go figure but what better color then pink to describe the good things about love? I'm going to say a few things here for the world to see. My view on a small little word called Love.
Love is where you care so much for someone you can't keep it inside. Love is where you can't let that person ask you "Do you love me?" 19 times and still not give an answer. When you love someone you have to answer because it burns more then the sun ever could. Love is where you want to spend as much time as possible with someone even if they don't want to spend it with you. Love is where you take the pain, you take the sadness and you take the unbearable truth that you mean so little in order to make sure the person you love knows you love them. Love is where you long to be with that person at all costs. Love is where you're willing to move across the Unites States of America just to hold that person in your arms. Love is where you need that person's love to feel like you matter even if you don't. Love is taking the good with the bad regardless of how bad the bad gets. Love is where you cry into your pillow just because you miss that person. Love is where your heart burns every second of every day and the only way it stops burning is when you're in that persons precense. Love is that little voice in your head that says "don't go, love doesn't give up" when things get hard. Love is the undying, unconditional, unreasonable, indescriminate care for someone even if they can't stand you. Love is wanting to hug, kiss, and cry with someone who wants nothing more then to tear you apart mentally and emotionally. That's love people. If you love someone, tell them. Don't let them feel the pain of question. Don't let them fall victim to the ugly truth of the world. Embrace them. Care for and about them. Show them how much they mean to you because someday they'll be burried and gone and you'll be alone without them. Love means just that. Love. Regardless of how you feel, I'll always love you. I'll never stop. It'll never relent and you'll never be able to escape it. Even when you're with someone else my love for you will still flourish. My love for you will still breathe and grow to an even more limitless mass then it is now. I love you, Hortencia. And I never ever will stop. Even when I'm dead.
06:22 Mar 04 2010
Times Read: 1,163
Ever felt like fucking something up just because you can? I want to fuck something up. Yeah, that sounds like fun.
Good news and bad news05:04 Mar 02 2010
Times Read: 1,168
Bad news is my ps3 WAS effected by the 8001050F error. Sad face. BUT the good news is, it's fixed now. The reason I know this is because I read online blogs about it before I turned mine on so I knew how to fix it once I found out it was effected. =D So I turn it on and the date is one full day behind so I adjusted it manually and Booya! It's fixed. Hooray me. So no long lasting damage just a night of restless dreams of my console blowing up. No, I'm kidding but really no ps3 dreams are sad dreams indeed. Thank you me for fixing it. XD
09:17 Mar 01 2010
Times Read: 1,159
So apparently Sony is having trouble with the PSN. And apparently a lot of the fat ps3's are having trouble as well. It seems if you have a preslim console then the internal clock fucks up somehow and it makes the date switch back to 12/31/1999 which isn't even possible to set manually. The earliest you can set it is 12/31/2000 so I'm not sure what's going on here but if my console gets fucked up I'm going to be pissed. I fucking babied that thing, to the point of making sure it was fingerprint free before I even turned it on to play a game so yeah, I'll be pissed. I haven't even turned it on since I read that because I don't want it fucked up but then again there have been loads of people that said they haven't had theirs on all day and they turn it on and it's fucked. So I'll be fucking furious if mine fucks up. That and in nine days Final Fantasy XIII comes out and then on the Sixteenth God of War 3 so I'll be super sad if I can't play them... :'(
07:07 Mar 01 2010
Times Read: 1,096
The heavens twist and thunder roars signaling the coming of this ancient beast and the dawn of true power.
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