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I feel a little less shitty today. I'm not happy by any means but I'm not depressed as much anymore. My dad wouldn't want me to be. I had an okay day at work. It wasn't terrible anyway. So yeah. Go me. I bought a cool Batgirl Vs Joker poster tonight from Arkham Knight. Hooray.

Today sucked. I didn't sleep enough and I had to force a smile for the customers. I'm pretty sure they could tell my heart wasn't in it today but what can you do? It was cold too and my hands just can't get warm today for some reason. I keep blowing warm air on them and washing them in really warm water but to no avail. Meh. It snowed today. Not a lot but the flurries were somehow soothing. *shrugs*



Also I'm not naïve I know you read these. No message or text responding that you received my text saying I didn't refuse your package. I can take a hint.

Today was an emotional rollarcoster. I hope I'm not grumpy at work tomorrow. Ugh. I almost wish I could call in. I'm still weird. I just don't really want to have to fake smile through the next 3 days until I'm off again. That's IF the other guy doesn't call in like he's been telling us he will. If he does 90% chance I'll be headed in which means another 6 days total until I'm off again. On the plus side it'll be over time and you can't really beat time and a half. *sigh* employers should offer payd mental days. Just like 3 a year or something just incase something like this happens.



On another note, my phone hasn't had the best reception lately as my area is apprently having issues with AT&T towers. So therefore I don't know if you got my text or not. I didn't refuse any packages. I haven't gotten any mail except loot crate since the one we talked about last. If it was refused it wasn't by me and everyone here says they didn't refuse anything either so I'm not sure what's going on. I did reply to your text though. I can screenshot it as proof if you'd like.

One year. One whole year today. He'd probably tell me not to let it get me down and to remember the good times we had instead of my regrets but thats hard for me. He'd know it'd be hard for me so he'd distract me with stories about the mean old guy who lived down the block from him when he was ten who they nicknamed Old Man Bulldog because he always had bulldogs and would try and sic em on you if you rode your bike by his house. He'd make it sound hilarious and I'd laugh and feel a little better for a little bit. He was good like that. I do miss you Dad. You were more important to me than you realized. You gave my life purpose for over 12 years when I was helping take care of you. I don't regret it for anything and if I could I'd still be doing it now. You're still an important force in my life and I think about you every day. You'll never be forgotten. If there is a heaven you're in it. Tell everyone there Hi for me. I love you man. I love you.

I don't feel well. :(

Can't sleep. What the actual fuck...

Christmas was bittersweet this year. I don't like bittersweet. It was the first Christmas without my dad. Day after tomorrow marks one whole year since I lost him and honestly? It still feels like yesterday. I would never pick up another video game the rest of my life if I could spend even 10 minutes talking to him. Just to tell him for the hundred thousandth time that hes an annoying old fucker who I wouldn't trade for anything. I love that man. I miss you Dad.

Batman movie marathon and maybe Age of Ultron. #stayingupsuperlatefornoreason ftw

Today fucking sucked. Work was awful and my head has hurt nonstop all day to the point where I couldn't even finish my sandwich from Subway. Fml. Netflix and advil ftw.

I have no idea what to do anymore. People want honesty yet when you tell them the truth they can't handle it. I'm seriously confused. Like seriously.