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Just web surfing today and found an amazing deal on the 3 Egyptian Gods from the Yu-Gi-Oh! trading card game. When I was like 14 I got some fake ones off ebay (just to play around with my friends) and since then I've always wanted the real holofoil cards. Not to use in a duel but to simply have on my wall. Those cards are super sweet and while they may not be as powerful as they once were, I still hope to have them someday.

Today was a surprise. It was actually pretty good. The only thing it lacked was the "I missed you too" from her. But I missed days like this. My girl fed me Chinese food with chop sticks and told me all about her day, IN DETAIL, plus we had a nice discussion about where we take the progress we've made today. We decided to just take it one day at a time. We both know and realize that it won't be back to the way it was overnight. Oddly enough though? This time? It doesn't seen to bother me as much as I thought it would. Maybe we need to not rush things. Maybe slow and steady is just what the doctor ordered for us. I love you baby. Here's to a better and awesome new year. *blows kisses*



*~*~*~EDIT: And the surprise text made the missing piece complete. "I missed you and I missed talking to you" it said. Today was the best it could have been now. Thank you baby. I love you and I missed talking to you as well. *smiles* ~*~*~*

Got back from the hospital a little bit ago. Said it's probably a sprain but they took X-rays anyway. The doctor was some douche bag who wanted to get out of there as fast as he could. Put the sling on all wrong and shit. Had to redo it. Anyway, that's what happened. Go me.

Since she's not answering my texts I'll put it here that way she'll know if she checks here. I'm waiting for a ride to go to the hospital. I fell when I went to check the mail just now on the ice and I think I messed up my shoulder. It popped all loud and shit and now I can't move it up or down. Hurts like a bastard too. My mom says it might be my rotatorcuff. More info when I get back.

I can't sit here and pretend I don't miss her. It's fucking hard when she doesn't miss you...

Is it too much to ask to expect someone to apologize when they fuck up? I don't think so that's why when I mess up or do something I shouldn't I readily apologize. I don't think that's asking to much at all. If the tables were turned she'd expect me to apologize. Hell, I already apologize without her having to say I need to. I don't know what the hell is up her ass but she's being so immature right now it's almost sad. No, it is sad. I'm doing my best to hold us together and she's just shrugging off anything that might help. Last night we made a little bit of progress and she ruined it with her "screw you" comments. She doesn't even have a reason to be mad. She says I'm the reason but I'm always the reason so that doesn't have any clues at all. I just think she wants to be mad. It takes the focus away from her having to do her part and for her having to work on all the things she said she'd work on. I know how it is, sometimes it gets tiring but instead of staying mad at nothing and just slacking off she should come to me and TALK ABOUT IT because when we work together we are unstoppable. But she doesn't see that right now. All she sees is what she wants to see and when she finally opens her eyes, I'll be here like always because when you love someone you wait for them. Even if they're being a dick. I love you baby. XoXo



Ps: If you would actually talk to me about this I wouldn't have to write it here so I'll ignore any shit you intend to give me for writing this. Maybe next time you'll listen to what I have to say. I love you.

I'm thinking of starting one of those live journals or something because apparently whenever I write things on here I'm "up vrs ass" or whatever. So if anyone knows any good sites like that let me know. Thanks.



PS the "up vrs ass" is in no way shape or form connected with the entry below this. This is an entirely different reference of anal upage she has added into the equation. So no smart ass comments saying "Oh, it's probably vrs ass she's talking about" because this is different. Blah!

Oh yeah, and one more thing. I AM MARRIED TO ONE GIRL AND ONE GIRL ONLY! If anyone is telling anyone differently they are lying. Apparently she thinks my head is inserted into someone elses anus and I'm just clearing this up. That is all.

Apparently I deleted the entry. What do I mean? Here's what I mean. I wrote a couple of entries and I deemed them to mean to keep. Deleted them and all was well. Just now I was texting my girl and mentioned how I apologized on here about something I said while I was cranky and tired? It seems it was in one of those messages that I ended up deleting so technically when she said "You haven't apologized for anything" she was half way right. I had just she hadn't had a chance to read it. So I'm doing it now.



Baby, I'm sorry for what I said about the sit ups. I was cranky and I was tired and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have done that. I should have just said "I'm really tired and I was hoping we'd talk but since you want to do that I'll just let you do it" or something along those lines. Instead I was all bitchy like "I really don't think it's the time to do sit ups. I've been keeping myself awake waiting for 55 minutes to talk to you so I hardly think now is the time to do them" or something like that. Anyway it was wrong to say that and completely out of line for me to say it. I'm sorry and next time I'll try and express my thoughts in a more productive way so we both win and no one has to end up mad. I love you.

So since no one showed any desire to read the unnamed poetry, I'll just fuckin post them anyway and leave the titled unnamed. Then if someone feels the urge to actually name them, credit will of course be given. I don't even know why I write this shit, no one even reads it. XD

My aunt got me a deck of cards for Christmas. A deck of cards? Playing cards like the kind for poker. lol She has no clue what I'm into. XD So for Christmas this year I got a deck of playing cards. I'm the shitz. XD

Lately I've been revisiting Yu-Gi-Oh! the anime? It's like the second time I've watched the whole thing all the way through. Currently at the part where Yugi duels Panic at Duelist Kingdom. I kinda miss watching an anime show like that. I remember waking up every Saturday to watch the newest episode and then falling asleep at like 9pm because I had been up since 7Am XD those were the days.

Hooray! Got the cannon trophy on Dead Space. The one with the asteriods not the one with the tenticle guy. Go me! That one was by far the hardest one. Now I've only got 4 left. Zball, The Shooting gallery, max out, and finish the game on Impossible. Nice!

Finally got past the part I was stuck at on God of War 3 Chaos difficulty, only to get stuck AGAIN on the satyr/cerbrus fight right after. *sighs* Once I finish you, Chaos difficulty the world shall rejoice. And I shall be like "YEAH! IN YO FUCKIN FACE FUCKWAD!"

Does anyone really read this? Meh, I'll do it here anyway. I've got a poem, not sure of a title. It's kinda random yet it flows nice. Hit me up if you want to read. Credit goes to the one who titles it of course.

It's baaaaaack! Hello insomnia. Enjoy your vacation?

Isn't it funny how companies will wish you a happy christmas and then try and get you to buy shit? Signed in on AP right? Headline was "Merry Christmas! Buy one gold membership get one free for a friend." Uh, really? Wish me a happy holiday and then try and sell me shit? That's like saying "Oh, your dog died. But, I'll sell you a new one for 19.99!" wtf? XD People, sometimes they amaze me. Other times it's like wow...

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DestroyingAngel
12:41 Dec 26 2010

I agree, what the hell is up with that?!



Very well put. Aside from that annoying crap...I sincerely hope you had a Merry Christmas.



*hugggs* :D

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Yup, it's official. She's avoiding me. *sighs and shakes his head* Real mature.

So it's Christmas. Hmm. Doesn't really feel like Christmas to me to be honest. Feels like a Saturday. XD Last couple of days have been Meh. Haven't written here much about what's been going on. My brother was up Seths ass for two days and then comes back in his usual "I was at Seth's and I'm going to be a dick for a week now" attitude. Told him to shove it. He really has a shit fuck lot of growing up to do. Hope he does it before he's 80. My sister? Ugh, she's been emo of and on like always but yesterday she was okay. Today she hasn't woken up yet so we'll see. On a positive note my mom made me a peanut butter pie. Woot! I love that shit. So I'll probably gain like 4 pounds today but I won't eat tomorrow so much so that will even it out. o.o maybe. Anyway, hope you guys have a happy holiday or whatever it is. And if you don't celebrate this stuff then happy Saturday. For my love, hopefully today is what yesterday should have been. You're the light in my life, hopefully we can make it good today. I love you and I really missed you last night. I'm sorry for my part. I was just cranky I suppose. Anyway, enjoy your holidays and saturdays Vr.

Ugh, was sleeping so awesomly and the stupid garbage truck wakes me up. Apparently they forgot to show up yesterday and so they came today. At freaking 11 Am. And they have a loud annoying beepy truck which I'd like to smask into a million bits with a laser gun. Mmm, yes a laser sounds lovely. Stupid truck!

Today went from somewhat decent to mega sucksville in 2.5. Note to self? Get the springy clothes line pins. That way nosebleeds will not prevent texting. I'll try again tomorrow. I love you and I miss you baby. Hope tomorrow can be better. Xoxo

My brother is a complete and utter idioit. Here's the deal. My cousin Seth and him used to be super tight. They'd hang out at Seths grandmas playing Xbox and what not and all that jazz. Then my Great Uncle Kenny died. Shortly after that Seth stopped calling my brother, didn't return the calls when my brother called him, told his mom to tell my brother he wasn't home when he called and she answered and stopped going over to his grandmas which is right down the street where we live. So my brother finally gave up and stopped trying to hang out. THEN all of a sudden he wants to hang out again. Well they hang out for about a week and a half or two weeks and then he started doing that same not calling back shit he did before. So again my brother gave up. Today though, bout 20 mins ago, he comes to the door and my brother goes out to talk to him. They talk for about 15 minutes and he comes in with my brother. My brother is like "Oh, he explained why he's being like that. He said he wont' do it again bla bla bla." same shit he said LAST time he did that and so now my brother is on his way over to Seths grandmas to play Call of Duty Black Ops with Seth. Wtf? How stupid can you be? It's obvious he's using my brother. It's obvious that no one else is home or everyone is busy and my brother is the last resort and he's too fucking stupid to realize it. How the hell are we related? I'm nothing like him. Nothing at all and it's like where do I get it? Everyone in my family is pretty nieave when it comes to shit like that and I'm the only one who sees the light. Ugh. He's rather embarrassing because he makes me look bad. XD

Just played the Dead Space 2 demo? OMFG! It looks brilliant. Crisp graphics, fluid movement. I like the new melee attack which is much like the first ones but much faster. The stomp still rocks. I like how the necromorph smashes through the window. It actually startled me because I did NOT expect that. This game will be epic and I want it! I must find a way to get it. Hopefully I can find a way to get it. I haven't gotten a new game in like 7 months. :(

BEST DAY IN OVER A MONTH! Today fucking rocked. Spent a lot of time with my girl, lost three times in a row with YuGiOh (Which rarely happens. I'm the shit at that game) and I had KFC which I haven't had in YEARS! Plus, I'm not frustrated anymore. ;) Thanks for making today rock ass baby. I love you!

Christmas list:



Psp and Ghost of Sparta.



COME ON SANTA! lol

Grrr... sexually frustrated. XD

If Vin Diesel ever played Kratos? That would totally be the lamest thing Sony could ever do. I'm just sayin' XD

I didn't sleep last night, too much Yu-Gi-Oh! with my brother. Ugh. Anyway, I've been feeling really nausous. I don't think it's from not sleeping though because I felt that way earlier before when I first woke up yesterday and then again after I ate. I hope I didn't eat bad food or something. =(

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DestroyingAngel
23:47 Dec 19 2010

That sucks :(

I hope you feel better. Btw...OMG@Yu-Gi-Oh! Nooooo mooooorrreeeee lol....

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Finally! Insomnia was apparently on a coffee break so I snuck in some sleep! lol. Got like 10 hours straight in yesterday, slept most of the day. I needed it though. After like 2 hours of sleep for the past what? 3 weeks or so? I needed some major sleepy time. Buuut, now I'm okay. So go me. *happy face*

Okay, I found a kismet I liked on here and I wanted to make a poem from it. It's in the poetry part. I kinda liked doing that actually. Finding inspiration from Kismets on here. Some of you guys have really awesome one liners and they'd make either awesome titles or amazing topics for poetry. So, here's what I want to do. I'm going to randomly find kismets I can work with and as long as I have permission (yes, I'll ask and give credit like I did with the last one) I'll try and do a poem with it. You can read the poem before I post it in the journal if you'd like. This could be really fun. :D

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ArmandII
03:29 Dec 16 2010

have fun maybe youll meet someone

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JustinDupree
05:58 Dec 16 2010

By all means lets not ruin something like a guy trying to broaden his POETRY. A little support would have rocked... *eye roll*

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Bless insomnia. Bless it's heart. *eye roll*

It's so hard, so unbelievably hard, but I'm trying just as hard as it is. Just as hard.

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DestroyingAngel
10:31 Dec 15 2010

I definatley hear ya on this one, man.

It's sometimes...too damn hard!

*hugs*

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JustinDupree
13:21 Dec 15 2010

Thanks for the support! :D

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I'm having a really bad day. First I don't get to sleep until late because of my insomnia. Then my stupid dad wants to talk all loud and wake me up. 5 freaking times. The first four I asked him to quite down nicely and told him that I hadn't slept well. The last time I flipped out. Meh. Then I go out to check the mail and I fall in the snow on my ass and now my back hurts. Next I dropped the lemonade tub thingy in the sink with the water running so it all went down the drain and now I just dropped the just opened toilet paper roll in the toilet when I was trying to blow my nose. Ugh! I really hope this isn't a trend. My birthday wasn't so good I really hope Christmas is bettery. *sighs*

I haven't had soda for like 3 days. Been trying to cut back so I gave all of mine to my sister. Well I wanted a root beer really really fucking bad so my mom gave me the money for the soda machine. So I walk down there and back. Took me like 15 minutes right? When I get back I look in the mirror as I pass by to put my coat in the closent? Frost on my mustache. FROST! Actual frost like on the movies. I was trying to get my camera to snap a picture and apparently my breathing warmed it up enough so it fell off. Ugh. I may see if I can do it tomorrow too so I can actually snap a pic. It was epic. lol

Well today was pretty boring and suckish except when I got to talk to my girl for EXACTLY 30 minutes. It was the best part of the day.

Finally got like 5 hours of sleep. I feel a little better. At least my brain isn't so far out there I need a hot air balloon to find it. *eye roll* Lol

Sorry, had to get that out of my system. lol. For the record, I'm exhausted and sleep for the life of me will not pay me a visit. I would seriously bake it some cookies if it would be my friend and come over just for a few hours. It can even use my internet to look up whatever type of porn sleep tends to look at while vigerously whacking off. Can sleep even whack off? I suppose if sleep could whack off it might be considered a wet dream but then again it might still be considered masturbation if sleep has genitals. Why the fuck am I talking about sleeps balls? Or whatever it has down there. See what insomnia does to me? It makes me converse with myself about the gender manipulation of sleep. As if sleep were an actual person. WTF!? Ahh! lol Sorry, I'm out of it and I can't take niquil because it makes me a paranoid schitzophronic or something along those lines. I swear if some doctor who specializes in the mind were to read this entry he or she might hunt me down and toss me in a rubber room. AND! To top it all off, I'm out of bottled water so I must drink tap. Ugh. Carry on. This is getting out of hand. I'll stop now. Yes, I will. I promise I'm shutting up. Curse you insomnia, curse you and all that jazz.

F.U.C.K. Y.O.U. I.N.S.O.M.N.I.A! XD

Isn't it uber sad when your parents lie right to your face on purpose over something incredibly dumb? To me, it's just a slap in the face to have someone do that. I asked my mom if she had called anyone to get a ride to go pay the cable bill. She says "I've called this person that person and no one is home or they don't want to get out or they don't have time. I called Candy though (her friend who is like my aunt) and she was at work and said she'd call me back" okay right? Sounds fair. It's not her fault people won't take her. So I get the phone to text my girl and tell her I'm awake and since they've lied before about that I check the call list. She only called ONE person. Yup, you guessed it. Candy. The last call before Candy was when I called my girl last night around midnight. So my question is this. Why fucking lie? All she had to say was "I called Candy and she's going to call me back. I want to know if she can do it before I go asking all these other people in case more then one person says yes that way no one gets mad because they made time to take me and I've already gone." wow. That would have prevented a shit load of problems no?

Isn't it funny how you can write a poem about something you feel and then have people comment on it, practically condeming it basically just because they're religious and they don't agree with how you portrayed the visual of God? The poem wasn't even about God per se, it was more about my feelings on the actual topic at hand which was acceptance. Sometimes AP sucks balls and sometimes it rocks hard. Too many religious people on it that make comments about poetry that disagree with traditional or have a negative reference to a particular God they believe in. Sometimes people suck. XD For the record, I didn't change the title, I commented back defending it, and I left it alone. I'm not changing anything. While it's not one of my best it's one of the most feeling filled one I've written. Jesus huggers can suck it.

Ah, insomnia, I can always count on you. *eye roll*

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DestroyingAngel
12:09 Dec 09 2010

Ahhh yes, the Sandman is in fact....

A dirty ho lol

*hugggs* Insomina is a bitch and im sorry :(

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So I guess now either she's not getting my txts or just not answering them. *sighs* Well if she changes her mind and wants to contact me, I'm not that good at hiding. She'll be able to find me. :'(

Maybe I am a pussy. Maybe she was right. It sucks because I can't bring myself to feel good about a payback entry. I can't bring myself to sit here and look myself in the mirror and say "I'm proud I wrote that journal" because I'm not. I'm not proud of it because I don't like hurting her. I know it probably did. She may not mind hurting me but I feel horrible when I hurt her. It's like her birthday. I regret that so much. It bothers me so badly. If I could go back in time and change one thing about my life it would be that. I would have gone anyway regardless. I thought at the time I was doing the right thing for us but I'm not sure it was now. She hurts me so much sometimes but when I try and give her a taste of her own medicine I can't. I try and I might get a few good stings in but that's it. I can't bring myself to make her feel what I feel. I can't bring myself to hurt her how she hurts me. Maybe that's what she needs. Maybe she needs to feel the pain I feel but I can't do it. I can't make her hurt. I just can't and it fucks with me because I want her to stop hurting me. I want her to act like she used to. The first year we had together was paradise. Then things went bad and we fixed them. Then we got okay again and then things went bad again and they were bad for a while. Then things got better because we both worked at it and now it's like sometimes she doesn't want to be with me but she's too scared to leave. I know I love her more then anything. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her and I know for a fact that she's the one I'm destined to be with. She's my soulmate but there are times, sometimes she makes me feel this way and other times she just does nothing to prevent me from feeling it, I just feel like I'm not her soulmate. She says things and does things that make me feel like I'm not her special one. It hurts because she says I am. She's serious when she says it. I can tell in her voice. She believes it, she knows it's true but when it comes to making me feel that way? Nope. No go. I'm sorry I wrote that entry. I'm sorry I hurt her. I'm sorry I made her feel badly. I shouldn't be but I am. I just want my girl back. The one who loves me for me. The one who doesn't want me to change. The one who doesn't want me to give up my hobbies, The one who wants to spend time with me. The one who likes it when I smack her ass and snap her brastrap. The one who likes it when I kiss her neck and doesn't take it as me wanting in her pants. I just love her so much and it hurts me because sometimes, sometimes she doesn't make it feel like she loves me. That's the meat and potatos of it. Sometimes I feel like I'm just that guy she comes to out of habit because it's part of her routine. I love you, Hortencia. Why can't you just love me? And if you do, why can't you just show it?

I knew it, I fucking knew it. Look down this list here, I knew today was going to be bad. I told HER I had a feeling today was going to be bad and you know what? It was. "What do I want for Christmas?" a woman who doesn't treat me like gum on the bottom of her fucking shoe. A woman who isn't shallow and self centered. A woman who cares about US before she cares about her ego. A woman who isn't afraid to say "I fucked up. I'm sorry" I want a woman who can look me in the eyes and actually say "I love you unconditionally" and fucking mean it. I want the woman YOU USED TO BE to come back for GOOD this time and not for fucking one or two days. I love you so much but you piss me off so fucking bad I want to hit things. I didn't go on the walk because I care more about US then I do my own selfish reasons. So take a page out of my book, sister. You've got a lot of fucking learning to do.

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ArmandII
05:37 Dec 08 2010

so much for comming to apologize to you in public. that was a mistake. good night

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JustinDupree
06:18 Dec 08 2010

So you can write about me but I can't write about you?

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Well it's offical. Today was the worst birthday I've had in over 4 years. It doesn't matter why it is, I'd end up in trouble for writing it but it sucked. And I want to take a walk but I can't. Because if I do I won't have anything to come back to. One hell of a birthday don't you think? *wipes his eyes and goes to watch some tv*

Well today is offically my birthday. Hooray. 22 years old today. Well technically I was born at like 1pm or some shit but who really gets that anal about things like this?

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DestroyingAngel
20:11 Dec 07 2010

People like me lol....I do natal astrology :P

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JustinDupree
20:42 Dec 07 2010

Lol! Well then, that's not really anal, that's more of a form of "precision" lol

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For some reason I have a bad feeling about tomorrow. The more I think about it the worse I feel. Best not to think about it. *tries real hard*

I think I've caught something. I'm sick, it's not quite a sinus infection yet but I have a feeling it's well on it's way. I feel like rubbish and what not and I've got a bottle of nightquil or however you spell that in front of me about to take some. That's how sick I am. I never take meds and here I am about to take some. I feel that horrible. But on the bright side, at least I'll sleep because it'll probably knock me out. I just got through watching Get Him to The Greek? Why is it every movie I read about with some of my favorite actors end up being flops? That movie was horrible. The only funny part was when that girl whipped out the dildo and shoved it in Aarons face and proceeded to shove it in his mouth and eye area. lol That was like it for me. I chuckled at some of the lyrics to the songs but that was like the climax (no pun intended) of that movie. Here's hoping Mirrors 2 doesn't blow because if it does then I will just give up on any expectations I have on movies this year and just watch what comes out when it comes out. I hate watching a movie you've waited months for only to see it and wonder "Wtf was I wanting to see this for?"

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ArmandII
02:22 Dec 05 2010

Glad your satisfying your sexual needs.

good night sleep well.

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JustinDupree
20:58 Dec 05 2010

If that was a joke: Rofl!

If you were serious: See the movie. He's drunk and he wants to leave so his boss has a girl take him back in a room to fuck him. He keeps telling her no so she pulls out a dildo and starts trying to gag him with it until he pushes her off nad leaves. No nudity and it's not a porno.

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Insomnia again. Ugh. AND I'm super sore from falling. :'(

So we have this tall four peice scratching post thingy for our cats that sits in the corner of the living room. It has this little plastic stick that secures it to the wall so it doesn't fall over right? Well we've had it for years and apparently after 4 years of jumping, climbing, scratching, and playing on it the screw finally came loose and the thing toppled over with both of our female cats on it. I'm not sure if they thought the other did it or what but they started fighting. Went to break it up and tripped over the little leg rest/foot stool thingy for my mom's chair and fell onto my left knee. Yeah, it sucked. Now it hurts like a bitch and I walk funny. Already started to swell and it's only been like 6 minutes since it happened. I can walk though so it doesn't look like I broke anything. Go me.



*EDIT: Oh, and to top it all off, we got an inch or so of snow and we were only supposed to get "flurries" so looks like the weather people failed. XD

Insomnia running rampant. Got two and a half hours or so of sleep today... err yesterday and that's all. It's 5:40 Am right now and I'm just now getting sleepy. Curse you insomnia, curse you, you bleeding bastard! lol *yawn*

So meh birthday is in 6 days and I'm totally looking forward to red velvet cake with white cream cheese icing. Mmm. I know, I sound like a fat kid but it's my fav cake ever. The best cake ever even. THE BEST! I even get yogurt that tastes like it and yes, it rocks. :D