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Jens's Journal

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5 entries this month
 

PMS

08:45 Oct 24 2006
Times Read: 1,018


The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant one in your life!























































DANGEROUS:
SAFER:
SAFEST:


ULTRA SAFE:


What's for dinner?


Can I help you with dinner?


Where would you like to go for dinner?


Here, have some wine


Are you wearing that?


Wow, you sure look good in brown!


WOW! Look at you!


Here, have some wine


What are you so worked up about?


Could we be overreacting?


Here's my paycheck.


Here, have some wine


Should you be eating that?


You know, there are a lot of apples left.


Can I get you a glass of wine with that?


Here, have some wine


What did you DO all day?


I hope you didn't over-do it today.


I've always loved you in that robe!


Here, have some more wine and chocolate




13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift


3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4 Puffy Mid-Section


5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface


9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome


11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

and my favorite one ...


13. Potential Murder Suspect


Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh!

Or men who need a warning.


COMMENTS

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Are you a genius?

07:02 Oct 20 2006
Times Read: 1,020


You Are 93% Genius!

You did very well on this quiz, and it seems that you are indeed a genius. Congratulations on achieving a great score. Well done!

The Genius Quiz


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What animal are you most like?

06:20 Oct 20 2006
Times Read: 1,021


Which Animal Are You?
Your Result: Cat

Cats are curious and agile, as well as highly independent. They also have a distinct mischievous side and can get themselves into trouble. You embody these characteristics.

Bear
Horse
Snake
Hawk
Dog
Duck
Mouse
Which Animal Are You?

COMMENTS

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Male Restroom Etiquette

03:13 Oct 10 2006
Times Read: 1,030



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Weird History

04:14 Oct 07 2006
Times Read: 1,033


This article has been taken directly from:

http://www.crazynews.net/dp/1-28.htm

To save you time, I just cut and pasted the content here for you all to check out...



++++++++ORIGINAL ARTICLE+++++++++



Next time you're washing your hands and the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s.



Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.



Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children -- last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."



Houses had thatched roofs -- thick straw -- piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof -- hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."



There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.



The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor."



The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway, hence, a "thresh hold."



In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite awhile. Hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."



Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."



Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.



Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale bread which was so old and hard that they could be used for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy, moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."



Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."



Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."



England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."



And that's the truth. . . (who ever said that History was boring)?


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