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It's going to be a rough day. It doesn't help that I can't sleep and all. I have to get up for a flight tomorrow. Have to be at the airport in a few hours and i can't sleep. My sleep cycle is all jacked up now.



I really need to get to bed. I shouldn't be up typing away. But here's what troubles me. Grandpa died this weekend. Then I find out today that one of my coworkers took his own life. Suicide prompted by the thought that there was no way out of the bad times. How desperate do you have to be to take your own life? He was a good kid, too. Smiled as often as he could.



It seems that the times are darker and those dark things in unspoken corners are closer than ever before. It leaves me in thought.



But the only thing i can think of is to enjoy every day that I can.. Have fun and let the good times roll. The ride will end sooner than you want and the good times carry their weight through the dark times. Peace to all and live well this day.

It's going to be a rough day. It doesn't help that I can't sleep and all. I have to get up for a flight tomorrow. Have to be at the airport in a few hours and i can't sleep. My sleep cycle is all jacked up now.



I really need to get to bed. I shouldn't be up typing away. But here's what troubles me. Grandpa died this weekend. Then I find out today that one of my coworkers took his own life. Suicide prompted by the thought that there was no way out of the bad times. How desperate do you have to be to take your own life? He was a good kid, too. Smiled as often as he could.



It seems that the times are darker and those dark things in unspoken corners are closer than ever before. It leaves me in thought.



But the only thing i can think of is to enjoy every day that I can.. Have fun and let the good times roll. The ride will end sooner than you want and the good times carry their weight through the dark times. Peace to all and live well this day.

Okay, the gestures on the touchpad is a pretty awesome concept. Makes for one-touch navigation and such.

Tomorrow is the day I leave for grandpa's memorial service, which is Friday. I am going to miss the premiere of Harry Potter, very sad about that. But I miss my grandfather more and know that my family needs me by their side.



In the mail today: My new macbook pro. I am downloading WoW as we speak and intend to have it up and running before I leave tomorrow.



My sleep cycle is way off now. I didn't sleep well for several nights and then slept well last night. I didn't think I was going to need these few days to myself, but after showing up at work Monday and breaking down immediately, I know better. These last few days alone have helped me to just stay in a degree of normalcy and privacy to deal with things as I can.



I remember a lot about my grandfather. I've thought about him a lot these last few days. I've come to terms with him not being here any longer, but I don't think that's going to help much come the memorial service.



He chose to be cremated (incinerated is really the wrong word, huh?) and then put on a shelf in a memorial park. I regret not having many recent memories with him and grandma. But I'm so glad I got to attend his 90th birthday party in April. It's the last time that he was fully aware of everything going on and I think that he really wanted to see everyone one last time. Then it was time to go.



He left peacefully in the night. He just didn't wake up the next day and was gone. I suppose in the end, that's the ending we can all hope to get. Nothing painful, nothing dramatic, just a gentle passing into the night. It's how I hope my ending is.



I will miss him dearly, mostly because my grandparent's home was the home we counted on when we moved every 2 years growing up. Their old house is so full of memories of my childhood. I think of those times fondly and without regret.



Somewhere, in the back of my mind, summer will always be there. And by the same token, the house of my grandparents will always be there as a comforting reminder of stability and care free days of youth.



Thanks, grandpa, wherever you are now.

6 weeks is a very short time, indeed. Today my grandmother signs the papers to put grandpa into a hospice type situation. There, they will try to make his last 6 weeks as comfortable as possible.



I knew it was coming.



It's like watching the storm cloud finally arrive overhead, dark and looming. Then, you begin to feel the first drops of rain. They are cold and chilling to the skin and yet somehow, they don't bother me. I guess in the long run I've been so familiar with and fascinated by the cold chill of death that it's like welcoming home the friend you've always known was there but never met formally.

The day is done and most of my stuff is out of the way. I am ready to go home i think. Am tired and need a good night sleep. Tomorrow is another battle towards what we are going to be fighting for...better business.



I cant seem to be rid of the pain in my shoulders these days. Its fairly irritating to me and i suppose at the end of the day I need a massage. Good thing i have an appointment for this weekend. Im looking forward to my time. I really am stretched to the limit with stress and with a lot of emotional things that are going on these days. Very tired.

Ok so i ordered pizza over an hour ago for my team members. Where the hell is it?! I don't think I will order from papa johns again. They take too long when i have a hungry team.



My meeting starts in 30 minutes and I am starving all kinds of bad.

Ive got a lot of garbage flying in my head these days and its a dark place to be. I called my grandmother this week and she is just really suffering. Grandpa is in permanent assisted living and he's apparently sleeping through the whole day. I don't take that as a good sign. We are just waiting for the end to come. She cries every time i call to say hi. I sent her flowers this week. I know its trite at best, but maybe thoughts really do count.



I thought about buying a new Mac laptop. My old one is just old. I have a bad urge to splurge. But I know that I need to hold money in reserve for now to plan for the inevitable. No one in my immediate family has died. I've been very fortunate with respect to that. And now... It's about to start.

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Jenova
00:38 Nov 12 2010

Alright so i caved. I have enough to cover eventualities. But i ordered a macbook pro that should arrive next week. And why does my ipad think I am typing eel, when I am typing week instead?

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So today my boss comes looking for me and wants to know my feedback about a training session i attended yesterday with particular regard to feedback about the people in attendance. There was one particular person who was rather disruptive the whole way through the training, and apparently he was looking for feedback about that person.



There were a few pages of notes with regard to this person. Freaking hilarious. If you're a dumb ass, everyone knows it. I suppose in the end, everything turns full cycle.

I love vampire rave mobile. Great tool for those meeting times where you really are wishing you were not present. Good times. We are getting a rare chance at meeting together as a team. Good times. Slow end of day and tomorrow is lost to an all day meeting.



Good days.

If I ask you what "iconic" stands for, what would your response be?



To me, this is what you call a game-changing thing. It means that in your repertoire, you are about to perform something that will change the way you are perceived and in return will potentially increase your demand through the roof... Stay tuned.

Being fair is a relative thing. I know that the industry I am in requires that we are fair with the people that work under us, but it also balances out being fair for the company and its expectations. This means if i catch a call where you are Not acting in the customers best interest, then chances are that you are not acting in the company's best interest either.



I really do like my job. It's fun and theres all kinds of madness going on day in and day out. The key to staying sane: express yourself often and fairly where no one can see it.



Last question: can we get our journals to update via a simple email sent? I would love that feature for my iPad. Yea, I am an apps girl.

I love when daylight savings ends. Makes my body overall much happier. And I know that I am ready for the upcoming winter season. I just wish it was colder than it is.



I feel remarkably alive today, much better than i can say for in the last several months. Ive always known i had an affinity towards the darker months of the year and it seems its here. I feel so much better today. Heres to hoping it lasts!

I love looking at people's sites and seeing how lacking in real content they are. A lot of the profiles have very little thought and a whole lot of images of nothing.



Now, some of you all have some funny images online and for that I am grateful. But seriously, most of the profiles here are total fail. *sigh*... this place gets boring kinda quickly when you are looking for content.

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Alesana
10:42 Nov 08 2010

I have to honestly say, I am proud of my lack of content.

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Jenova
17:47 Nov 08 2010

Haha. To each their own i suppose.

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I had forgotten the whole reason I turned off images in my browser was because of VR... .lots of useless pictures on this site.

It's just a random kind of night. I'm feeling fairly content, to be honest. Ran online with some friends and enjoyed a decent couple of hours of my weekend playing WoW, the game I swore I'd never get hooked on.



So a friend of mine that I was running with is taking a hiatus. He's got some personal things going on in life right now and sounds pretty deflated. I feel bad when I see people that I think are genuinely nice go through hard times.



But it brings to mind that we all make our choices in life. Some of them are great and some of them lead us down the wrong path into trouble. I suppose that every bad thing, as well as every good thing, is a direct result of our choices that we make. When we make good choices with what we've got, our results tend to turn out better.



But sometimes, we make choices that we think are going to pay off and in the end, they don't. I find that those are the emotional ones that we go for because they "feel right". Well, what "feels right" in the moment rarely yields the lasting results that we desire for our happiness.



I hope my friend is ok and that he makes it through whatever consequences he is dealing with. I'm sure he'll make it through. But it's a life changer kind of event. You can never get back what you lose and you carry forward in life ever mindful of what once was. Hopefully, you can do this without becoming embittered...

I went out with some friends for the first time in a while. I've been really bugged by a few things these days. Mostly, work has been a real pain in the butt. I am stressed enough that I just don't think I enjoy my job that much any more. I've been there 4 years, though, and the pay is good. I just wish I enjoyed it more.

I think I should move fail poster fridays to the rave...

This is very cool. I think I like it. Good upgrades to the site. Today is another training day for me. Looking forward to getting a weekend off soon. I don't dislike my job but it is increasingly depressing. Set in my ways I guess.

Changing one's name back to the beginning is a sign of coming full circle. Things change over the years and so does the person. But in the end, what you are left with is the same as the beginning only more refined and honed.



True self and the understanding of it is worth its weight in gold. Ask the pretenders. They know.

I bought a lifetime membership to the Dark Network. Don't ask me why. Perhaps I was just waiting a certain amount of time to change my name back to the original. To follow: updates and the like to my profile. Some of us work for a living, so bear with me while I take some time to make changes.