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18 entries this month
02:48 Aug 26 2017
Times Read: 369
Today was interesting how so? I was told I was pregnant. Yeah laughed so hard I was like it’ s a false pregnancy it has to be. I said there is no way I can be. Astrally I have been naughty but physically nope been a virgin that is born again. Lol So I have to kill a rabbit to make sure that I am not and if I am that is a first for the records.
Started a travel sized book of shadows which was truly positive for me since my big one is huge. Might as well make a smaller one to walk around with and such. Ehehehe
Made cookies for the doggies and humans and roommates are gone so I am going to basically cleanse house and get stuff done when they are gone. Yes plan of attacking the place.
00:45 Aug 25 2017
Times Read: 382
Well Went to my psych dr and that was some funniness like I have never heard...
Her questions as follows:
How many times were you with a sexmate? Online alot off line none.
How many sexmates do you have? interviewed five, one might be a winner but not sure. another asked me to marry him and I said no...
She looked at me and asked me how many men do I masterbate to.? One
How many times do you in a day? about 9 to 12 times a day..
She stopped typing and was like um we are upping your meds again. I looked at her and did the how much does a normal person masterbate in a day? She looked at me normally once a day.
Ohhhhh okay. good to know. She looked at me took off her glasses and said you are unusal for a female. Most women dont multi orgasm or play with them selves at all. I said that is just sad. If I did not I would be dead.
She choked on her cough drop...
And that is how you make a dr get red in the face folks...
00:02 Aug 24 2017
Times Read: 384
PTSD something I don’t normally talk about but today I did in therapy. She asked me about my rape and I was honest. But then the roommate issue where he tried to kill me that was different a lot more fresh in the head. So I have been having night mares to the point that I can only say they are the same shit different day feeling. I did not think it would go away but I was hoping a bit of it would go away at least. But there is no way to process it faster. It goes through the brain pan and decides to stay. Even if forgiveness or getting rid of the garbage does help sort of. I still have to say it is a bit much trying to sleep.
Anyways I had a good time talking to the therapist today from this to we shared book of shadows and she looked through mine and really liked it. We both had different points and I liked hers and she loved mine. We had a fun moment which was insightful for sure. Good day after having serious nightmares for weeks.
16:49 Aug 22 2017
Times Read: 389
I am working out the kinks to my body for sure. But yesterday I walked around without my cane which was lovely. I had gone to St James Winery with a few friends and we watched the eclipse from there. I brought my crystals and stuff I wanted to empower under the eclipse and did not care how mundane people where around me. I also went out to the garden and picked a red rose, a pink rose a yellow rose and an Echinacea flower. Under the eclipse being full. The buds were small so that is how I got away with that. Thought it would be neat to have some flowers from that time period. Looking forward to relaxing today. My body is hurting like a crazy one. It feels like rain but it has not yet. I guess that is the eds coming out today. fun stuff.
19:48 Aug 20 2017
Times Read: 397
Today has been a day. Watching dogs that aren't yours makes you really love your animals more. I mean alot more. I find myself wondering how I got so lucky even... The dog smokey he is a weiner dog and well. He is the most attention hog dog I have ever met. He is in your presence 24/7 and he takes over an area like it is his and it isnt. I was not happy that he scared my cat off to roomie dollies room but she at least protected him from the evil weiner dog when I was a sleep.
He truly an unusal dog. He will come up on your bed and snuggle with you for he wants to and needs too. He was truly shocking to wake up to in the sense he was in my face. My dog does not even do that.
Which makes me love Atka for being so well behaved and loyal to me and loving enough to not be in my face and be like humannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn... Human human humannnnnnnnnnnnnn.
03:38 Aug 18 2017
Times Read: 412
Today has been a day of stomach wrenching craparoo. My other half got harmed. By some dumb ass for my silly mate decided to say no. To giving up his wallet. Now he has a whole in his stomach and is hurting worse. The moral of this story people. Give up the damn wallet it is not worth your life. OK
Shortened not sweet sorry..
Moving on after going through blood tests and of course iron infusions and them finding nothing but spider veins and eds to prove them wrong about it. I find it amazing people have jobs in the realm of the medical field. You are basically just testing a person till that person can no longer be tested. I get that and you get an answer. But when you have the answer and you have no cure there is a difference of opinion to this testing, IE two doctors testing my skin and looking at it like they have never felt skin so soft but so white before and yet hurting me by pinching it to see if it is edemia or ademia in my legs. I was writing doctors names down and letting them do their stupid test then I said with a growl can you stop the pinching or shall I yell that I am in pain? I looked at the two of them like they are truly a little too much into the whole looking at my skin.
Then one asked how old I was the other said 46 hell n---- fascinating she looks like 30. I looked at them and tilted my head and said with a snarl you can have this skin too if you have doctors just look at you like you are unbelievable. What is your skin regime? Stay out of the sun. and what else? Sun block. and what else? tilted the head the other way and gave them an eyebrow raised this lab rat has had enough of these questions why do you ask?
Well you dont look your age and your pain levels are off the charts and you lack sleep and yet you have not harmed anyone? Not recently... Why? What happened when you got the iron infusions? I slept for a change. They started checking notes and data and I was like okay so what does it mean? Iron is supposed to give you energy not put a person to sleep. I said I am hardwired for sound.
They asked more questions like genes wise do I look like anyone alive. I said um no not ever in centuries why? How old where your parents when they died 61 why? Do you want to take my place? Leaning in on one of them.
The other just smiled and was in awe. I said you smile anymore and I might have to hurt someone... Looking at her up and down. She snapped out of whatever daze she was in. Both wanted to see me in 3 months and said I have a rare blood type.. I was like not that rare. B positive is normal rare. You know your blood right. I sniffed the air and smiled and you are a blood type a and you are o negative. what does that prove? They looked at me both shocked I was right on their blood types I said what??? I guessed. How one asked your skin is dark and yours well its pastey that is how. ( I am not that crazy to say oh I can smell it) Shit I would never get out of there today.
Got out of there and was put with a bingo manic woman and gave me her whole life and ghettoed it up abit. I was like what does it say on my head? She said nothing, Just checking. I am a tad crazy I said I thought it said crazy people talk to me today.. Doctors strangers what next??? Patients? She shut up and we waited till she spoke about being late for bingo and wanted to get the ride home faster which would not make the cabbie come any faster by the way. But she decided to speak about everything bingo. BLINKS I am glad this day is over...
01:19 Aug 17 2017
Times Read: 422
Today was eventful drs were very much helpful to the point I got all my drs information from referrals to past stuff from Florida. I have a bible worth of paperwork now that I can go to referrals and say Hey here they are what do you need?
LOL Four hours later I got home and cooked chicken and beans and zucchini yep my day got very domestic very fast. Oh but I got a new shiney rock hehehe a black tourmaline absolutely worthy it to watch the puppy while roomies are away.
So going to be fine saging and more. lol maybe play with my dragon find a name for it for sure.
02:15 Aug 16 2017
Times Read: 424
Dances with a giddiness that has not happen in awhile. Jumps up and down like a kid. WOoohooo I got my bone dragon home in one piece and it is made up for me already so I don’t have to put it together… He roars and moves his mouth and I am getting him to a friend to gets his wings to flap.
Meowy a child in a candy store yep. I was told I could not get one that it was sold out. I laughed and said. I was called dragon bones as a child and well nothing is impossible for me. Snaps fingers an hour of calls and hunting with a manager that was nice we found a store that had a dragon a hour away and was willing to give it to me. Drove it home 4 hours later and roomies said ummm how was this accomplished since this is a sold out item? I am dragon bones I get what I want…. Three foot dragon that is for Halloween but is basically my toy.
tell me I cannot get something for it is out of stock 4 days ago and it is not in stores... yep I can find a way.
00:20 Aug 15 2017
Times Read: 436
Yesterday has been interesting to say the least. I had a burst of positive energy this morning after having the worst evening trying to work on my computer. I had a huge issue was all. I then went to bed about eh 5 am thinking yeah I had it. I fixed my computer and laptop on my own and it is truly is absolutely fabulous being back on line. I did not realize how much I missed venting and also well getting out stuff. After going to therapy with a therapist that I come to find out is wiccan understood my situations and healing process was confirmed it is non existent with the household I am living in. For example trying to heal from almost being near death experience about a year ago and trying to get thru that trauma is taking a bit back to my reasons for lack of sleep.
Also had not been truly witchy in over 11 years now but she asked me to look at my book of shadows and I did it was like a history of teachers I had when I was a teenager and goodness it brought me back which was nice. I showed it to the doll roomie and she was like my book of shadows is a notebook. I was like uhh yeah this is was cool experience so I got out my cat tarot and went on a asking what I need to focus on and I got the world. It was experience is all and a positive one. So getting witchy was quite cool. Found some of my oils I plan to show her for I am an oil girl. Yes love me some oils and have some neat wonderful oils that are seriously calming…
So I was really relaxed today which was really freakin cool
04:29 Aug 13 2017
Times Read: 443
Well today I got a new laptop that is an ideapad. Kind of interesting for the laptop is flexible and I thought hey can bring it with me and journal wherever I go. WOOHOO. Other then that lost tons of poems and have to start from scratch and well do it all over again. Might have to make hard copies of stuff that is for sure. Got a journal for that too. Yep not going to loose 2000 poems in a heart beat again.
02:26 Aug 09 2017
Times Read: 449
Okay so when a person lies and you play the person like a fiddle do you call them out or do toy with them? I play with them for it just feels good to make their lives miserable and well liars deserve what they get. So I asked for a silly favor. Roommate lied and said he could not do it for he left 45 minutes ago. I said really for I left 10 minutes ago and well your car and others cars where there and a lot of people where talking and well if you are not there maybe I should call the cops? Since no one is there and there was a lot of talking before I left. He said oh that must have been us. It must have been 20 minutes then. I said oh. Do you have amber’s phone number? I texted her and she took care of the stupid request. Freakin douche bag cannot do a favor for me but I watched his cat for a week? Yeah Douche might not be a good word for him. He then told Amber that I had it out for him. I said no I just don’t like liars. If I wanted to have a house full of bullshit I would have stayed in Jacksonville FL. I have been through enough bullshit to last me a lifetime. Thanks.
What is that jack and shit and jack left town? Yep that is him. Sings Saillllllllll blame it on my bipolarrrrrrr rather than my ADD!!! Tilts head.
Another pile of crap that makes me think bullshit flies throughout the state of FL. IS my lawyer ah yes he is working hard on my SSI case for a good part of a year.. Sings again Saillllllll blame it on my ADD!!!! He filled out paperwork and no shit federal court has had it since 01/10/16 to process. On whether or not I get ssi or get denied. Yes I had to go federal for EDS is not something people know much about and well with all the other stuff I had technically I am not legally supposed to work. Why I could flip a switch and kill someone not intentional but I could because of the ptsd from rape and also attempted murder on my life. Yeah someone stupid twice. Two someone’s both in jail.
Do I care for people after that? No not much about anyone really. I am numb and do I care about people to a limit. I care for some well beings but not the world. And a lot have actually gotten the brunt of my anger and rage since therapy isn’t an option. Smiles brute force and seeing red has advantages. You scare men enough they leave you alone. Women they know something is wrong with you and leave you alone. I look at them and they know. Step away from her unless you want to get hurt. I don’t walk with a chip on my shoulder I walk with a sign saying don’t fuckin talk to me and I will leave you the fuck alone. Simple as that. Do I believe in Love? Yeah do I want love. Sometimes not always. It is like a drug. Once addicted you want the ride. Do I want to live with people hell no I need my own place. I guess what I am saying from all this is I smell bullshit I look it in the face. I feel fear but I feel it and deal with it anyway. I guess that is why my heart is a monster and my ribs are the cage. Anyways I called for a therapist got finally in I guess they took me seriously enough that I was like shit get me the fuck in. NOW. I barely sleep for I replay how the guy and I fought the one that tried to kill me. Yeah that one is burnt into my head abit too well. For all intense and purposes I am amazed I don’t hate the whole bloody race of his kind but hey the nightmares will go away once I actually get the right help. I hope. For the psychiatrist is not cutting it and the meds aren’t working. I don’t sleep and I surely don’t feel any better. Haunted by your past and living your present I guess has issues. Eh whatever. Yeah today was a day of I call bullshit and get me into therapy asap.
04:31 Aug 08 2017
Times Read: 453
Water therapy aka pain in the whole body and then some. Went and got it done a hour work out in the water this time no man watching which was nice considering last time the whole belly dancing thing happened and it got out of hand. This time they had country music. I blocked the music out and pretended to be one with the water. Did the exercises and felt the burn and felt the pain and felt like a whimp getting out of the water. But man I did good is all I can say and I did not have to use my cane getting out of the swimming pool. I was thrilled. I did the Achilles died doing this move like a pro and did not cry and did it well. I was in shock. My body remembered the moves and even let me stretch more which was lovely.
what did I do when I got home cooked for the crazy doll roommie and strawberry and myself for basically if I didn’t strawberry would have and we would have had to wait for dinner for an hour. Not happening considering that. Ontop of the doll woman wanting swedish meatballs and I had to pull that out of ass to make it. Sore tired and hungry I made dinner and also made desert to which I sat down and relaxed.
Didn’t want to move. My body was like hell no. No more dishes. Doll roomie does not cook or clean and she pays bills ooohhh ahhh. Sorry she does not impress me at all. When you ask for her help she waits it out as long as she can anyways. Eyes roll…
So when I pulled it out of my ass and she didn’t eat. I looked at her like did you not like it? She was like no I had a late lunch. I looked at her and thought damnnnn lady what the heck did you ask for it???? I began to breath and said nothing brought out oatmeal cranberry chocolate chip cookies and that she was hungry for. I looked at her and thought to myself man. You work out everyday. You are on a diet like strawberry you agreed to be on this dumb ass diet with her and you go for my cookies?! I am not on the diet.. I am not working out everyday and trying to loose weight and not loosing weight. I eat small portions and eat anything I mean anything I want. What is up with that? I lost 15 pounds last month this month who knows what I will loose. I drink a lot of water and work out till I hurt. Not everyday but enough that I am trying to be better and be stronger. Hitting those waves of water I thought yep get that Jayde hit those waves get that wave turn that weight move that water. I did not think loose weight feel great. lol I am not about loosing weight. I am about gaining my muscle memory back.
04:51 Aug 07 2017
Times Read: 467
I just wanted to thank everyone who was so kind in giving me rates though. PHOTOBUCKET messed my whole page up. You all were really polite about everything. I had no clue that I had a mess of a page and well I got schooled and reeducated today. So it is back to normal mmo profile and portfolio…. So sorry for being a serious blonde.. huge hugs and kisses and purrss .
07:42 Aug 06 2017
Times Read: 476
Today was an interesting day .
I had ups and downs and all arounds.
The ups however, were fun. I got to get the supplies I needed for the kid I chose for adopt a school bus time. The child is set. With hello kitty stuff and school supplies and fun stuff too. I had to put in stickers and such that she can use for her fun times too. I spent like it was going to me but it wasn’t. So I hope she not only enjoys the supplies I hope she gets a kick out of everything given to her. Maybe even abit more fun and freedom for her to be different.
School supplies made me want to go back to school and get another degree in something but what I wonder. We shall see.
I got myself a new planner so I can send the other one to my lawyer who is working on my case. And I have to send the old one on its way. My new one is a coloring in one and also a student one so I will be having an easier time to get around my appointments and such. Looking forward to it being all nice and pretty too.
I also got some more paint and a small canvas for painting thoughts I have onto them, Looking forward to that too. I feel like I am going to have a lot of fun with them. Looking forward to it for sure getting creative makes me feel a little more alive and a little like my old self.
16:43 Aug 04 2017
Times Read: 487
So today's weather is perfect 66 degrees and sunny. Perfect and not cold at all. What do I see people in hoodies and coats. Um its not cold out people but it is beautiful out. Listened to outlander's soundtrack and enjoyed the outdoors. Yes it is a great day to be alive and kicking.
My mouth hurts like hell but I am hacking it. Why? I can. It is pain and I have had worse actually. So EDS has a benefit. Normal pain is to most outrageous pain. I have a high threshold I guess. So yeah today is awesome!!! Going to pt and working out the pain that is for sure..
03:49 Aug 04 2017
Times Read: 495
Today has been a day of wow. I am going through the normal day of pt and then I went to my dentist and well I was just like oh visit the dentist and nothing more. Uh no not at all. She was impressive to say the least.
I was surprised why the dentist was truly amazing. She not only said my name right. She fixed a filling and pulled the other one and got me out the door before five pm. I was actually in shock and awe of the skill level. She loved her job she whisk the tooth out like a freakin champ and well amazingly enough I have never had a dentist such as her that impressed me so. A serious Hazah! for that lady for sure.
I get home and ask my roomie from hell the doll talker and aka one that is spoiled by not having to cook or clean If I can go get my meds. What does she do? UH no its raining outside. I am in sheer pain and looking at her like wow rain didn’t scare you when you have stuff to do like get your stupid pretzels but when I need to do something important god forbid I should have such…. So I am supposed to be okay with being in pain for she basically cannot stand being with out her pretzels? Hmmm then she has this great gesture for our mutual friend of giving her daughter canvas's and paints and a stone tumbler. Instead of telling it out once she has to say it not once but three times for good measure. Do I care no? Am I jealous not really.. Just don’t get why you have to make a big stink over used stuff you have not used yourself and now are giving it away to someone who can use it. It makes sense not some big gesture or something. I think she thinks because I have given things to Amber she has to give bigger things to her. I won a purse that I will be honest with you I had no use for and was tiny. I am not a tiny girl. I gave it to Amber for she is one tiny and two it would suit her. It apparently is some purse company Gucci. Then she went nuts when she got the bag and was like see wow what Jayde gave me.. Apparently it was a huge slap in the face to Karen. Whatever not impressive to me for one I cannot wear the bag and two it is not for the normal person mind set I don't believe. I am not a Gucci girl. Apparently she is. Makes sense to why I don't like her even more so…Freakin doll collector blahhhhhh
19:04 Aug 02 2017
Times Read: 502
Today has been a day of interesting.
Osiris decided that music in the bathroom was a not allowed while playing with him moment and threw my kindle into the toilet and well I was like holy moly it lives. Thank god! Without my asmrs and music at night I think I would have cried and possibly thrown the cat, for he really well threw me a loop on that one. But it works and even though there is water damage and now in rice to basically await and assess the damage later. I still have music and most of the screen works which is all that matters to me. So it is alive after the aftermath of doom… I am miffed off at the little furball of doom but mad not so much since it works and well it was the last thing I got that was from dad. So I am kind of attached to it because of that. ON top of which he normally does not do stupid mean shit so I am kind of surprised at my cat for being so out right redheaded about it. Cut his nails in judgment of him hurting the kindle and my pride. LOL also had to cut his nails for he attacked my feet while trying to sleep and well it hurt like heck…
A friend I have on facebook asked me to go out on a date with him. A real date. Not online dating and such like this sort. I was actually surprised for he is from Ohio and well knows not of the vampy side of things but he knows the EDS side and was fine with it. I was taken back by this for truly I have not met many who are willing to go out with me for I have EDS and that alone scares most off. I am a lot of work and time. I know this. Anyways what shook me to my core was his asking me was I ready to met a man who is ready to have a serious relationship? I shook for this is the first time I have ever been asked that and well it was frightening and well exciting at the same time. Why is this messing with me? Well I am online dating someone that truly is uplifting but seriously not sure where it is going to go with it. It may take two years before we actually see each other and we did agree to sex mates till we did end up meeting. I think what is rocking me to the core is that he wants to get to know me and truly I am just needing animal sex. Sighs don’t want to play with blood doll if it is not going to be a doll blood kind of a thing. So now it has me thinking dating a man who might want more than I am willing to give him for I have my heart already given to someone overseas. Or date the guy make sure he is aware that nothing but sex may happen and he needs to go on his way. But then why does that question hold such a stirring?? BLAHHHHH..
After that I needed butter cream yes butter cream. I made fresh butter cream and then thought oh I need cupcakes yep before going to more doctors today. Cupcakes of tiny size will do the trick. Pop in the mouth and well yes yummy delicious morsels of vanilla happiness with almond butter cream. Yep tastes good and well is calming to say the least still up in the air on what to do.. If I take on a sex mate will I allow more than this or not? Shakes it off. It is only a date. one date is not going to make or break me… Shit I feel like I am a teenager again what the fook is wrong with me??!!!! Bloody hell…
02:16 Aug 01 2017
Times Read: 464
Today was interesting got a lot accomplished at home. Did laundry for the most part. Got thru my serious issues of transportation lag with cabbing back and forth. watched Kizzy and got her into a better doggie mode when I prayed over her.
Was asked by a friend what I saw and it was nothing good. But told her what I saw.
Today my old friend got me a deck I lost years ago. The cat deck which is a simple tarot deck but it is a deck for cats and the cat people who are like them. :) I did the cards to both roommates who are cat people and they worked right away. I did not even sage them and they worked with detailed aim and well direct approach. Hehe was thrilled to have a deck I long ago had and now have again. :) Meowy
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COMMENTS
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Rupture
01:55 Oct 21 2017
I even was given a pregnancy test a few months ago
I was like noo im fixed there is no way it could happen