The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I was laying in bed to day with no real thought in my head (usual) when out of now where I thought all I want from Santa this year is Rowans true love, I don’t really know why I thought that but that was it.

I know he loves me but is it true. We have been together for so long and we have had or issues but I can never tell what he really feels. One day it seems like I am not there to him and the next all I am is everything to him. We talk so much about nothing at all and when we talk of something it’s little that we say.



I think this came from the other night when we were just sitting around and we had had a few drinks and we started talking about the past and all that we had been through since we got stationed here. And out of now where he pulled an old journal entry of mine out form behind a picture of us I never even knew he had it hidden there. He said this is how evil I am, and then he began to read it to me. I was ready to die. It was something evil I had done to retaliate something he had done, we did not fight about it but he seemed happy to see me cry about the memory of it. Why would some one do something like that if they truly loved you?

He asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I didn’t know what to say now I want to tell him but if I did would I get what I want and what I got would it be real or could I even tell if it was fake? I'm sure I could but if its already what I have how come I can not tell.



There you go Santa bring me that for My Stocking.

I would think that first you would have to not look at the vampire to understand it; look at the ground from which the vampire arises. (meaning “ground” metaphorically)



First most anybody even those of us online here are drawn to the larger than life figure whom casts a sexual allure via mystery, power and sensuality. (Isn’t that what most believe to be a vampire)

And it has to do with blood; blood can be very erotic. Blood represents life, connection, warmth, kinship; and everybody wants kinship (somewhere or some group to belong too) The loss of blood is the loss of life. The sharing of blood is a bond a sharing of life, hence why some actually have feeding circles.

Fear makes the heart pump hotter jolting us to the edge, the veins throb, the blood heats up, being vampire can & is the perfect embodiment of dangerous sex. Which can make anybody want a part of that life.



So with that said, you have to then look at where each group or person who is or wants to be vampire comes from. There are multiple groups of vampire(ing)



First you start with the medical vampire also known as vampire children: these are people who suffer from a disease known as Porphyria people born with the symptoms of vampirism. Suffers have pale flaky skin and suffer painfully in sunlight, also some may suffer a need for blood transfusions this is caused by a diffecny in the blood abnormalities in the chemical steps leading to the production of heme, a substance that is important in the body. Heme is the blood and bone marrow, where it carries oxygen in the blood cells.



Then there are Vampires: Terms referring to either fictional vampires, folkloric vampires or modern "real" vampyres (energy and blood).



Vampyre: (also "social vampires", "sanguines", or "vampire lifestyles" the spelling also makes a difference in the type of vampire you may be.) referring to human beings who live in the tradition of the fictional vampire. These people go to various different extremes, anywhere from merely dressing like a fictional vampire to sleeping in coffins, having night jobs, building "vampyric families" clans and what not.



Real) Psychic Vampire: (also "energy vampire") A person (mortal for most of us there are mortal) who feels a general need to take energy from others in order to feel "fully alive". These types of vampires differ from the normal blood vampire. The most distinctive is the fact that psi-vampires feed off the energy of the world around them. They can feel the emotions of others and have many mood wings due to this way of feeding. And anyone who opens his or her mind enough and tries hard enough can become a psychic vamp. It’s all a matter of will.



(Real) Blood Vampires: (also "sanguivores") A person who feels a general need to drink the blood of others in order to feel "fully alive". Still only a role you may live or a sexual need also can be called a Blood Fetishist one who drinks blood for pleasure (does not feel a need to drink blood, other than to appease sexual/erotic desire).



Dhampyr: Those members of the vampire community who were awakened on their own. Meaning they choose to be a vampire when they felt the time as come. Still just fitting in or awaking the life or group they are looking for.



tis only a small lesson in what makes a vamp a vamp. And as for anyone who clams to be an immortal well that can only go really as far as one can be tossed.



With all that said it still takes me back to the beginning which is that in the long run do not look at the vampire to understand it; look at the ground from which the vampire arises. Aren’t we all just really drawn to the larger than life figure whom casts a sexual allure via mystery, power and sensuality? So we are all vampire in our own way. No matter where or when or how it happened.

We held our Yule gathering on Saturday night, it was a unique event. Angel was there and she looked so nice. Her long black hair and big dark eyes just call to any stander-by. Greg had his swan again, she still looked very tasty and I still want to taste her though I am sure that will never happen. Rowan and I hosted Yule and ritual went well, we only had one mishap, the fireplace was not completely clear at the top and the smoke started filling the room but the guys took action and grabbed the logs bare handed and ran them out the door into the snow. But it was still nice and went well.



I was glad to be at Rowans side it felt so good, to be his equal that night, though when we got home I guess I had to many after the gathering cuz when we went up stars, well I awoke alone to find him on the couch the next morning. He said I feel asleep in the middle of well….. I didn’t mean too, and I did have to spend most of yesterday making up for it and though I am pained now it was well worth it. But I digress.



I am starting to feel the stress of the season and I don’t know why. I normally enjoy the holiday, but not so much thus far. I guess its cuz I know that soon after the holiday I will have another birthday. I wish they would stop coming, not that I want to die I just don’t want to age anymore. I want to stay this way as long as I can. Well I am beginning to babble so I will go have to check word game anyway.

I find myself lost again, even though I found my way here I am still just another soul lost in a see of eyes and ears, yet no one sees and no one hears.



I spent most of today staring at the wall, it’s turning a strange yellow as it ages, it made me wonder if I am turning a strange yellow as I am aging. Will I be like the walls just here to hold things together yet never being noticed. I thought of Dylan again today while I was staring I couldn’t recall what it was I was thinking (though I haven’t been able to recall many of my thoughts after staring at the walls) when realized I was crying I miss him so much. I know he is safe and ok but he is mine and belongs with me. I wonder if he misses me the way I miss him, I have not been able to spend more than a week or two with him at a time when I go to visit, and it tears me up when I have to leave him to come back to this hell hole of a life. But I don’t want to think about that now.



And so I still wonder will I fade and dingy as I start to age more. Will I truly be passed by again even though I am right here for all to see? Why is that my family doesn’t even realize I'm here.

Will I ever truly be found?

J