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...so quiet..but yet my ears seem to be ringing...the silence is so unbearable...what is not said hurts worse than what was...can I withstand the silence or will I lose my sanity....the silence is so deafening.

constant agony...won't stop....pain coming more and more frequent...can't go much longer....tears falling like leaves in the fall...hurting.. scared...heart pounding so hard I feel like my chest could explode at any second..why me...why was I chosen to take on this futile pain...i am so sick....god help me.

The dark angel gave me the desire to breathe today..and to that I am thankful...I wish there were more days like this one...maybe there is purpose in my life...for now I will just keep focused on breathing.

Sadness is slowly seeping in again...I thought I could rebuild my strength...but I keep slipping farther and farther behind...feeling iminant death. Tears are behind my dark lids, but afraid to fall...

all alone....wondering when this will all end...when I will feel some small measure of feeling...past tears now...none left to fall. Just that hollow organ pounding against my chest..completely empty and yet full of potential...where to go from here...its the same story over and over again...surrounded by people from dawn to dusk...but facing tommorrow with the same fear of being forever....lonely.

..exhaustian is setting in...need to feed..searching for my dark angel to help me thru such a trying time... How did I come so dependent on one's gift? missing...empty...saddened...all this emotion...I thought i was dead...now I know that I am alive, but very much weary.

lost again...another day towards the end. I thought I'd finally overcome the desire inside to come out of the shadows...but I must have been mistaken again. Still hiding...still hurting..no where to run nor the strength to do so. Why can't I just feel it inside....instead just the gnawing and pain and constant anguish....tommorrow I will rise again, put on that bitter smile and face this unloving world of hate and deception. Its all so fake ....but then who am I to be worthy of love?